AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

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My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

Cluster diamonds are pretty passé, so it doesn’t sound like it’s something that would be jumped on and adored in its current form.

Remodelling jewellery is really common historically. It’s a fairly recent fixation with buying everything new and recycling bag associated with waste management that means it feels ‘wrong’ or destructive. It was a way of keeping things current and customised to the individual. The ring is moving into the next generation in its next form. That’s a beautiful evolution

Its a tricky one OP, I can see both sides. I inherited my grandmother's engagement ring, but the diamond had actually fallen out of the ring years before and had never been fixed. Instead of getting it fixed I had it made into a floating diamond necklace which I wear every day. So I do like the idea of repurposing myself and I think it can still be sentimental. Do you think one of the other boys would want to ring as it is? The issue is that they may also have partners who want a slightly different style ring etc. I guess the other option is to ask if he would consider keeping it and passing it to his future daughters/ neices etc!

There is no point in keeping stuff for the sake of stuff. I do appreciate is sad for you, but this way it gets to live on. Fashions change over time, so it is not surprising they want something different. You have memories and can ask to take a photo before it is refashioned.

While not the same, it's still carrying some of the ring. I think it's nice, better than to be sat in a draw, not used? I have some gold left to me from my mum, sat there unused as totally not my style, it's very blingy and unique. I look at it now and then, wondering if to get it melted down and made into something I would wear.

Take lots of photos of the ring as it is now for your memories.

Honestly as it all seems to be boys in your family. There is no way of knowing their potential wives ring preferences at this stage so not sure how they'd be able to say they won't change it?

My suggestion would be to redesign a new ring from scratch but perhaps take one of the diamonds from the older ring and put in the new ring. You can replace that diamond with a new one.

I think it’s lovely to use the stones in a new design they love. Much better than having it, but not loving it due to its dated setting. It’s like giving it a new lease of life.

is the cluster made from tiny diamonds? If they are less than 2mm they are not particularly expensive new - it’s the labour to set them that adds up. I would recommend to him to get two quotes - one using the old diamonds and one with new diamonds. It might be worth finding out the difference. The scrap gold will probably be where the value is, and maybe he is hoping to offset some of the cost with it.
Do you have any yellow gold you could give them, in exchange for the cluster ring?

Same here, and I completely understand how you feel about the ring being redesigned.

I recently gave my grandson my 50 year old engagement ring, he proposed to his fiance, she loved it, and so far it's remained intact.
I'm happy about that, but wouldn't be too upset if she had wanted to redesign it. Had it been an heirloom piece handed down to me that I had to pass on, I think that would have upset me more.

I am now the owner of my DH's grandma's engagement ring. It's a good diamond solitaire on a platinum band. It doesn't suit me, and I didn't know his grandma, but my late DMIL wore it after her death. I would redesign it but honestly, there's no point as I barely wear my own engagement ring. I prefer my small flat stack of wedding band, eternity and a Russian rolling ring, all from DH, which I rarely change around.

Also I have rings from my own DM and DGM so with just one son, I may offer him the option of making the decision what to choose/use when he's ready.

My ma's eternity ring will be left to my niece, who loved her and the ring.

I’d much rather have the diamonds and gold redesigned and worn, than the original ring sat in a jewellery box not getting used.

i was gifted my grans diamond ring and wedding ring and I redesigned it into a beautiful pendant with the help of a jeweller friend, I wouldn’t have worn the rings in their original form As i have beautiful diamond rings of my own.

Suggest the diamonds are split between the grandsons to use for future rings?

Could he keep it incase he has a daughter? It does seem a shame to essentially destroy it 😬 and as these things tend to go, the design might not be in style now, but it could be a really sought after period later on. Or just of interest as a piece of family history. I wouldn’t expect your DS’s partner to want to wear it as is though, necessarily.

Sounds like it’s not your DS choice in the way that the ring will be altered. It’s someone no relation to the previous owner. I would have difficulty coming to terms with that.

What if she says no and it's been altered. ?

I think reframe this - he's reinterpreting her ring for his wife to be. The essence or heart of it and what it symbolises are still there, just modernised.

Personally I think its just as lovely to redesign it. I have my grandma's rings and i plan to use the stone to make piece of jewellery I will cherish (and wear!).

I don’t think, at least from what I can tell, his girlfriend has actually specifically asked that it be altered. Rather she has shown him rings she likes and what she values in a ring and he is trying to make both work together.

I don’t think his girlfriend is the type of person who would ask him to effectively destroy the ring in its current form for her. I do think DS lacks sentimentality and is more focused on pleasing his girlfriend than keeping family history alive.

Very good question, I don’t think she is likely to say no, they live together and seem very happy ! But I guess you never know!

My engagement ring is a redesign of two family engagement rings and I love that about it. I love that it has history and I love that my husband put effort into turning it into something I would love. It doesn’t make it any less sentimental in my opinion. It’s just an evolution. Our chapter of the family history!

Tell him how you feel, but be prepared for him to go ahead with his plan anyway. And do not ever hold that decision over him, one conversation and it is done. Never mentioned again.

I'm about to have my paternal grandmother's engagement ring made into a pair of earrings (with the blessing of my aunt, my grandmother's daughter - the ring was originally left to my mother, who left it intact but never wore it).

I also have my late MIL's engagement ring - she died before DH and I met but it was important to DH I should have it. I wear it on my ring finger on my other hand.

My daughter inherited a very large dress ring from my MIL worth more than any ring I have owned (not that I am bitter!). She very graciously suggested making two rings out of it, one for her and one for her sister but when we looked into getting two rings made it was prohibitively expensive and meant working around the dress ring which wouldn't have been her first choice. I would say to your son that he might be best to at least look into this before doing anything - you could always offer to get the ring valued and pay him what it is worth? His fiancee might get a lovely new ring and since she presumably has no attachment to the ring, that might suit her?

Have you tried talking to him and asking him if he even wants the ring? It sounds like he is trying to incorporate it into his engagement but it would probably be cheaper just to buy the ring he wants. Could you offer to buy it maybe? Although you need to make sure you actually use it then.

I believe he has already consulted several jewellers and sourced the main stone (there was a whole discourse about it being the correct shade of peach sapphire, I hardly could believe my son who has previously had no interest in jewellery was fretting over it being too pink or too orange!). I assume based on this he has already got an idea of how much it will cost and has decided it’s worth it.