AIBU to feel sad my son's inherited ring will be redesigned?

[Cathrube]

My son inherited my mum’s engagement ring as the eldest grandson, which felt really special at the time, it’s quite a sentimental piece in our family.
He’s now planning to propose (which is lovely!), but he doesn’t want to use the ring as it is. His girlfriend prefers yellow gold and wants a peach sapphire as the centre stone, so he’s planning to redesign it and use some of the diamonds in a new ring instead.
I completely understand wanting something that suits her style, and I don’t expect her to wear something she doesn’t love. But I can’t help feeling a bit sad at the thought of the original ring being taken apart, especially given its history.
Part of me thinks it might be nicer if he offered the ring intact to his brother or cousins, and then created something new separately. But I also realise it was given to him, so maybe it’s his choice what he does with it.
Am I being unreasonable to feel like this, or is it fair to want the ring to stay whole?

DS didn’t get everything, my mother had an extensive collection of jewellery, she was very proud of it and it was worth a lot of money. It was evenly distributed between myself, my brother and her 4 grandsons, we all got at least one sentimental item and a fair share of valuable items. There is just only one engagement ring though, so someone was always going to get it while the others didn’t.

I have my DH's grandma's engagement ring, which i love, but just wear it on my other ring finger, as it's better as a single ring. I don't think I could've remodelled it if I didn't like it though. I would've felt bad.

Very tricky. I would feel similar to you. Perhaps your son feels pressure to use the ring he was gifted. Sounds like his fiancée isn’t keen on the style so he’s trying to make the best out of it rather than not using it at all. Doesn’t sound like he’s using it for sentimental reasons per se- or am I wrong about that?

I know you can’t go back in time but if the ring was precious to you I would have asked to keep it yourself, then perhaps down the line you might have a granddaughter to pass it on to. That’s by the by now I realise.

If it were me, I would say something to him before it’s too late to be honest. If he’s redesigning the whole ring he must have a decent budget as it’s not necessary the cheapest option. If he doesn’t perhaps you could offer something towards it to cover the fact he won’t be using the diamonds any more? Not sure if that is feasible for you of course.

Can you offer to buy it off of him?

Could the gold from the old ring form (part of) your son’s wedding band?

You are a woman though… so it would have gone to you. Then you could pass it to one of your sons daughters if they had them. Obviously if there really is nobody then of course a man gets it but I meant preferentially women should get it.

There's a bit of a tradition in our family of old jewellery being reshaped for the next generation. For a few generations back, my dad's side of the family all worked in the jewellery quarter, so repurposing bits and pieces was all a bit like the alteration challenge in Sewing Bee.

I understand your sadness, OP, but if it's inevitable maybe the way to view it is that the spirit of the ring remains.

OP do you think your DM would like part of her ring to be reused or for it to be sitting in a box in a drawer for years?

I think a lot depends on the relationship between DS and his grandmother while she was alive. If he never got to know her, then there is no connection.

The OP is the one with emotional ties to the ring. If she wants to decide its further use, she can offer to buy it.

I own 2 engagement rings. The one on my finger will go to DD when I shuffle off. The other (DGM’s, passed down through DM) will go to DS if and when he wants to get engaged, to do as he pleases with. Sell, remodel or keep.
I’m the last person who remembers DGM, so it will be free to start a new life.

So funny.
Hideous ring.
She's a real trooper!

Could you not suggest that he keeps the ring intact as a heirloom to wear on special occasions, and uses it to propose, and then she could choose something for herself in her own style for daily wear? That way the ring stays in tact but it still holds sentimental value.

I had a pearl necklace left to me by my grandmother. It was originally her mother's. I would never wear a strand of pearls so I had earings made for me and my cousins. Each pair were designed for the wearer and are different but we all have my great grandmother's pearls.

It is very normal in history to redesign family pieces. The memories are still there but they are more suited to the person wearing them. I think it is lovely.

Id ask dc not to destroy the ring. To have one made up or buy one.

I love this.

I get where you’re coming from.

A ring was left to me by my Nana (mum’s mum) when I was 18 with instructions that my future husband was to propose with it. It’s a beautiful ring but not really my style. My partner and I have been together for a while now and my mum and cousins have access to my (private) Pinterest board which shows how I’d like the ring to be jazzed up a bit. My mum would love if I used the original ring, but also appreciates that I’d like something different and to make the ring my own and breathe new life into it. L She also knows my Nana would do the same (she really would!).

Maybe try and view it as the next generation of the ring and diamonds?

As the saying goes, “Diamonds are forever” but fashion and humans are not!

Yanbu he shouldn’t tear apart a family heirloom
if he wants to pick apart rings he can get other real diamond engagement rings really cheaply as their resell value is so low

Good plan

My DD has her DGM’s engagement ring for when she gets engaged. I thought she might want to redesign it but no she wants it just as it is!

I think you have to be realistic that tastes change. I’ve inherited a few rings and I’ve never worn them. I sort of don’t like the idea of wearing another woman’s jewellery and I’d honestly not have been that thrilled if my husband had proposed with his dead grandmother’s ring. However, I do would like to make something with the diamonds which would probably be a necklace and I think your son is trying to do the best of both worlds by making sure his future wife has something she’ll like while creating something unique that honours his grandmother. I actually think he’s being very thoughtful.

I love seeing unworn jewellery redesigned into something that someone wants to wear everyday. It’s not destroying an heirloom, it’s repurposing it for someone else to love.

@JumpinJehoshaphat How do you redesign the perfect sapphire surrounded by the best diamonds? It’s impossible to redesign unless maybe into a central stone with two diamonds, one each side. It’s a clsssic halo style and plenty of rings are like this now - the OP’s DIL to be wants one.

The RF do redesign jewellery but they have top class stones and designers. I’m not convinced this ring should have been passed on. It’s probably not a fantastic ring but is a sentimental one - to the women in the family. It’s going to cost a lot to design a new ring and the metal left will need to be reformed into something and replated. More money.

I think repurposing is a great way to honour the original owner

Not quite the same situation as yours, but, being the only one with children (and now grandchildren) I “inherited “ all the family’s rings. Being the only one knowing what was from whom, and most of them being old fashioned, I had them melted and 2 rings created (I have 2 daughters) that would be more likely to be worn by them or any of my granddaughters, when I’m no longer here. Otherwise they would have remained in drawers, be lost, sold…
I now say that the family jewels are in those 2 rings.

just food for thought.

I think it’s really unfair if you to foist a ring on a woman which she’d never have chosen for herself. Would you like to have to wear a ring you didn’t like? It’s not as if it’s generations old either, it had 1 previous owner! Much better to restyle it and transform it into a new ting for a new couple. When they hand it on it may have another transformation and that’s actually lovely. Each wearer bringing their own story to if.
Theres far too much sentimentality about “stuff”. It’s the memories that are important and they’re in your head. You don’t need to see a ring to remember your mum.