I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

@HarshrealityWhy is your life so stressful? Why will you be ‘forced’ to go? I can’t imagine being in a relationship where someone is able to nag me until I capitulate into doing something I really, really don’t want to do.

We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us

Except it sounds like it doesn’t. From what you’ve wrote I don’t get the impression you’ve lived every holiday because you say your DH is really full on. You said yourself that holidays are stressful. How much choice do you ever get in where you go?

just say no, you’re not going but you hope they love it. I’m getting the impression your husband has a great tone because you do all of the organising and before and during so he doesn’t want that responsibility solo hence why you say you’ll be nagged into going.

just don’t go. Break the cycle and get some time to yourself.
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From what you have said it sounds like it is the city you don’t like. India has lots of spiritual retreats, mountains and more restful areas. Can you compromise and say India but not too long in a city?

"We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us."

Then you'll have to go places you don't want to go and do things you don't want to do, won't you?

And did you like any of these places??

It sounds very adventurous to me . I really can't see (if you did enjoy eg China) why India is such an awful prospect. I'd rather go to India than any of the places you list! (disclaimer : haven't been to any of them). I know two people who went to China, for example. One faced horrendous racism, and both got food poisoning. I suspect Korea may indeed be rather bland next to India.

But if you don't want to go, that should matter.

I must say I did think 'check your privilege' when I read your OP!

My grandfather worked on a cotton plantation after the war and I’ve always wanted to go. I’m currently rewatching Jewel in the Crown. Maybe I’ll get there one day.

India is one of the few places on my boycott list. Three main reasons: the rape culture, the air pollution and the fact that the government has the means to provide at least clean water and sanitation for the poorest people but chooses not to.

"Holidays for me are not a break."

"I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven."

"We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us."

Honestly OP, it sounds like your set-up of never spending a night apart works for your husband but it really doesn't work for you. Do you think you're trying to convince yourself it works because your husband is so forceful with his 25 years of "nagging" you that it's just easier to pretend you agree?

Stress and anxiety about holidays usually starts when you have children and holidays aren’t holidays as you have to do all the planning, be on duty all the time and often be the one trying to balance everyone’s wishes.
Opening your mind to new experiences is great and can lead to unexpected joy but it you are someone with any gastric issues it can also lead to problems.
Holidays cost eye watering amounts of money so should really be something you want to do.
I would definitely be telling them to go ahead without you.

We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us.

That is honestly pathetic. Time for some shock therapy then - send your DH and kid to India and you can amuse yourself at home. It will be good for everyone.

I don't think the issue is India, the issue is that you say you find holidays with your family are just the same stress elsewhere.

Perhaps if you explore that a bit we can be more helpful.

We’ve had the most incredible holidays in India. I’ve also been several times for work. Despite having a sensitive tummy (IBS) I’ve never gotten ill.

The Oberoi Udaivillas was the most spectacular hotel I’ll ever stay at. Frozen grapes served in a martini glass whilst I lay around the pool overlooking the beautiful lake. It was incredible.

Agree, that it’s important to find a partner where you both share the same ideas/goals of what a great holiday/destination entails.

P.s. My DH won’t go on a cruise. Point blank refuses and it pisses me off, so I understand your frustration! I told him I’m going with a friend for my 50th in a few years and he got upset 🤷🏼‍♀️

My husband hates holidays and so I go alone. His idea of a holiday is like this weekend, in the garage tinkering from sun up to sundown. People are different. I go away by myself whilst he looks afte4 the house. Perhaps that would work for you.

It's not a holiday problem it's a DH problem. Why is any holiday "just my same stressful life somewhere else"? For something to be a holiday, some of the spending needs to be on removing the normal stresses and strains of life from your shoulders. So before you can think about where you go and what you'll do you need a baseline for what initial conditions are non-negotiable. These might be to do with childcare or food or other logistical aspects and might be solved by restricting yourselves to certain types of accommodation or agreeing that a certain part of the budget will be dedicated to meeting those needs. Then with those groundrules established you can both look for potential holidays that can meet those needs. The question then becomes not "do I want to go to India" but "going to India within the parameters that meet @Harshreality's needs for a decent holiday would cost £X and our budget is only half that so we either don't go, or we have no holiday at all this year and go next year with all the support in place that will make it enjoyable"

I am born and bred Indian. Just don’t go. There’s no need. We go each year to see my family but apart from that - no need. I’m constantly on tenterhooks for myself and my little DD (before anyone comes to tell me they were just fine - born and bred Indian woman here - I’ve lived and walked in those streets for 22 years before migrating so please let me have my say from lived experience).

India is not a relaxing holiday. Unless you specifically want to see India I would not advise going. Its a hard country to travel in for multiple reasons and being honest a bit disappointing. There are other amazing holiday destinations that create lifetime memories that are a lot easier to travel in and to.

I have voted YABU as you say you’ve never spent a night apart except for hospital stays and it works for you. It clearly doesn’t work for you as you don’t want to go to India and your DH and DS do.

There is a really simple solution. They go to India and you don’t. Everyone is happy.

Where would you like to go instead? Let’s make a plan for you and get excited.

I knew things were bad, but this is shocking if so.
I wouldn't let my child go, and nor would I be wanting my husband to either.

Deleted - completely the wrong thread

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My friend went a few years ago w her DH and did a totally organised tour - no stress because your luggage stays on the bus as they transport you around, you eat in hotels (both Indian and western cuisine on offer). That’s the way I’d do it, or stay in luxury! Dh has always wanted to go - I always said no, but I’d do it in a civilised way (another friend went to Goa recently and loved it).

You're an adult. Do as you please.

DD2 and her OH were invited to a wedding in India, by a wealthy family. A group of the bride, groom and friends went on a two week tour of Northern India first, with drivers they knew well.

They stayed in 4 - 5 star hotels. DD followed all the rules about eating and drinking. One day, the party ate in a vegetarian restaurant. They all got the worst food poisoning, DD and OH had ever had. They had to buy antibiotics, not used here much. Nothing else worked. It took DD a year here to get over the resulting stomach problems.

It isn't working though is it? You do what he wants and that's it!

If you don't want to go then don't go.

What are you wanting from your thread OP? If it's just to vent and not do anything but as your told, that's ok.

Agree with this. It sounds like OP's husband is the "my way only" type. The nagging and him being nonstop on holidays even though OP finds it stressful are so telling.

Well if you really don’t want to go, don’t 🤷‍♀️