I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

not sure India is the issue: with one 12 year old child, why is life so stressful? Is it maybe something to do with your ‘driven’ husband?

We went on a ten day organised tour of India. It was a very different experience and one I look back on with happy memories. We booked with Kuoni and hotels were fabulous. We toured by minibus. My daughter went on an organised tour that was similar but travelled by train. Sights and scenery are amazing. The culture varies by region and the scenery is fantastic. We were advised to eat vegetarian food, preferable cooked. To drink only what we saw opened in front of us. None of us got ill. Those who bought I icecreams or ate from buffets in restaurants did suffer. I would go. It’s a fabulous country. Vast and varied. We saw amazing things in a short time. There’s lots more to see.

If you are set on not going then I agree with others- wave them off an go somewhere else. It'd a great thing for your DH and DS to do together anyway if it's something they'd enjoy.

I often take the DCs on holiday without DH because he hates going away. He stays at home and consumes beer and pretzels in front of the tv and we go places. DS1 loves travel so he will still go with me, but Ds2 (14) is more like DH so this year he said he'll stay home. Everyone is happy.

let him and your dd skip on. would not be my idea of a holiday and I've travelled extensively including living abroad.

India is more like a continent that a country. There's desert, snow-capped mountains, rainforests and beaches. If you want nature, lush greenery and relaxation, then Kerala fits the bill. India is vast and diverse enough, with plenty of luxury options, to be able to offer a compromise.

Wouldn’t be my choice either op. If they really want to go then I would just tell them to go without me.

Have you / your DH done much research into what a holiday to India could actually be like?

Or are you just writing it off based on the hectic scenes you see on TV? India is HUGE and there are some beautiful places outside of the crazy cities.

You can get food poisoning anywhere. Those all inclusive buffets in Tenerife and awful for it imo. Just don’t eat from the street and avoid ice / salads / fruits you don’t peel.

If your DC really wants to go, I would consider going - and get your DH to do most of the organising so it’s less stressful.

If you are going on an organised tour you will be fine, staying in good hotels. Only drink bottled water, no ice and use hand sanitizer every time you touch the money. However, if you really don’t want to go then send him on his own. Many companies do Solo holidays now.

I've been a lot of places. China, Japan, Russia, Brazil. I've visited over 50 countries. I'd love to go to Korea I think. Haven't been there. Dh says it's a boring choice.
We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us

Exactly.
Nothing would persuade me. Your husband is being extremely selfish.

I voted YABU because I went and I had a great time. It was a wonderful experience. Highlight for me was the Taj Mahal.

Normal safety precautions - drink bottled water even for teeth brushing, no ice in drinks, only fruit you have peeled yourself etc.

I loved the sights, the sounds, the food was amazing.

I think you might be mentally exaggerating the stereotypes.

Do you have to go?

Ive been to Kerela and stayed un 5* hotels or really nice villa/homestays and it was great.
Have also been to Sri Lanka which could be a good compromise.

You’re not being unreasonable to let them go without you, but you will be missing out.

When I was living in Delhi, the only time I got a tummy bug was when we went on holiday to a luxury hotel in Agra. Pretty miserable for those two days but quickly forgotten.

Is your DC a girl or boy, how old?

Could you compromise and go to India for 5 days then fly to the Maldives for a complete chill out? The Maldives is only about 2.5/3 hour flight. You could then get a direct flight back.

I wouldn’t be going anywhere I didn’t want to either. YANBU.

Some very ignorant people on here. India should be viewed as a continent. To right off the entire country is insane. I’ve been hiking in the North. It gives Switzerland a run for its money. If you go to the well off areas it is all clean and sanitary.

I wouldn’t go, it looks mucky as fuck

I didn't get the impression you'd travelled this widely from the talk about holiday stress in your OP.

Personally, I'd think of India like China. Different regions offering different experiences.

If you don't want nights apart, how about you agree to do Korea this year and India next year?

Don't go. Your loss, frankly.
You might have to spend that night apart but you can't stop him from going.

If "it works for you" not to spend a night apart, then you should probably go with them to India!

This is a reach. I know India reasonably well, having been 17 times in 35 years.
india’s streets are dirty, the disparity between castes is horrifying and women are not safe. The food can be excellent, but there is next level poverty and casual cruelty which, to a Westerner, is horrible.

It's fine for you not to want to go. Don't be guilt tripped, you are not stopping them going ❤️ you have a choice, dig your heels in and let this become the new normal where they go and do these trips and you enjoy some time to yourself, or you can get dragged into going and then you always will be expected to go in future. Just be breezy & repeat that you're not going but you're not stopping them - don't get into a debate about it.

For me this is easy because my loved ones know I will not go to tropical climates, because of my severe bug/spider phobias! They know I would be a nightmare to be with on such trips anyway and my friends anecdote about a line of poisonous ants carrying the body of a huge insect in Goa sealed the deal for me 🤣

Recently I've heard a few older women talking enthusiastically about visiting India. And in the past I've always had a bit off a fascination for the country and it's history.
But in recent years the absolutely horrendous stories of the rapes and general attitude to women has totally changed my attitude to India and I agree with pp that I would never want to visit there.