I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

Tee hee, that’s my DH and I @WhatNoRaisins. He has a hobby that I just can’t share his passion for, for example. I’ll go along to support him sometimes, but I’m fine if sometimes he goes off doing it for a weekend, we enjoy the time apart!

When you’re in a LTR relationship, you don’t stop being an individual with your own likes/dislikes,

I'm with you. Did India a few years ago and really didn't enjoy it for loads of reasons . No 1 being the constant aggressive begging when ever we left the hotel. It was very depressing and wearing if im
honest.

I don't think you should be forced to go if you don't want to - why on earth can't your DH go on his own? That's more my concern. Let him take your daughter. I frequently travel to India for work and I hate it - i stay in a 5 star hotel and basically only leave for work. I have been to various parts of India and been sight seeing and I still hate it. I'm well travelled and love holidays roughing it a bit (hiking holiday in Ethiopia) but I just hate going to India. I can't deal with the constant noise of traffic jams, the rubbish everywhere, the air quality was very bad. We once asked a driver in Mumbai take us to somewhere beautiful on our day off and we drove for 8 hours and couldn't find anywhere. I have a well travelled friend who visited India and returned with Hep A. If its not your thing then don't be railroaded into going. A long time ago I agreed to go to Taiwan with DH for a holiday - his choice. I didnt want to go. It was bloody awful. Hotel was like something out of laser quest and you had to pay extra for windows. We then went to go hiking in the national park but it had rained so much there were landslides and the trails were closed and the beautiful Airbnb we found was next to a concrete factory that had been concealed from the photos and we got bitten by bed bugs, so then we moved on to the famous village in the mountains in the mist but it was raining and completely covered in mist so you couldn't see a thing and heaving with tourist lol couldn't make it up, literally worst holiday ever. Don't do something you don't want to do. I used to be a people pleaser but now I focus on pleasing myself. If you really must go to India, book a 7 star hotel. 5 star hotels are not really 5 star hotels over there, more like 4 star and so on.

Go with a good travel company such as Cox and Kings and you'll be fine.

why would I (or anyone) feel any kind of satisfaction "saying they have been" somewhere

@Janblues28 you nailed it
" Don't do something you don't want to do."

I just spoke to my India family about this… they said they value tourists - it’s a big part of their economy. It keeps people in jobs, they say poverty is in every country - why should people feel that they cannot spend in India.

Everyone still bagging on about India when the crucial information is OP in 25 yrs has never been away without her DH as he claims he would feel rejected, the controlling relationship is the issue not India.

banging not bagging

Indeed.

If he's decided he won't go without you then that's his choice.
He needs to either man up and go on his own or quit whining on about it - insisting you must go too is just manipulative.
And frankly, well, tough shit to him, he's your husband, not the boss of you, and he doesn't get to decide for you.

I agree.
It’s not somewhere I want to visit.
I think the contrast between rich and poor is heartbreaking.

I think you should go. My parents have traveled extensively and India was not on their list. Then my dad went on a conference there and fell in love and took my mother at a later date. They both adore it.

That said, if you are going to be riddled with anxiety, then he should go alone. You’ve said not spending nights apart works for you but actually it DOESN’T, not if people are missing out on wishlist activities.

There are a lot of countries you wouldn’t want to visit, then!

Yes there are @Allseeingallknowing

And I mean Indians in India (sorry realise that wasn’t clear) - some really ignorant attitudes on this thread.

No worries. I understood what you meant. We'll be retiring there in a few years. For some people the subcontinent isn't for them. It's a vast nation and tbf there are many places I don't like, but many places I do like.

You drove for eight hours outside of Mumbai or inside the city? Most of Mumbai is horrible imo but the countryside to the south (closer to Pune) is beautiful. Of course Mumbai is so crowded, it takes hours to leave the city.

I've been to India frequently and will go again (of my own accord), but it's certainly not for everyone. And if someone arrives already prejudiced against the country, they are unlikely to experience it with an open mind and enjoy it.

Edited to add: I think OP's DH should go alone. If he's been talking about it for decades, he probably wants to see the Golden Triangle rather than chill in a resort. OP wants a relaxing holiday and North India certainly will not fit the bill.

My close friend & her husband went for three weeks and had diarrhoea for nearly all of it, plus had strangers pawing at them and begging them for money. No, it may not be like that in every place but it certainly was for them!

@LilacOpal We drove to the countryside, to a temple and then drove around trying to find something picturesque but there was rubbish everywhere. It was terrible.

Agree it's not for everyone. Some people rave about it but I hate it. I remember one of my Indian colleagues telling me he had to spray salad leaves with some sort of chemical to make it safe to eat before eating it and I hate worrying about getting sick. Ironically never have been so far in India but I'm always militant about avoiding fkkd poisoning when there.

It’s not a relaxing holiday that’s for sure. What puts me off is the child poverty and way animals are treated. I don’t want to go away to be traumatised.

This

If they’ve never spent even a night apart except for hospital stays, OP won’t be taking such a giant step although it sounds fabulous!

@Harshreality youve been asked quite a bit why you allow your DH to dictate where you go and seem to be ignoring it.
Have you ever told him you want to go anywhere without him? how has he reacted?

Yes. Sounds like a homebody wanting to justify being a homebody when others travel abroad