I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

The obvious answer is for you not to go. You're an adult with agency and choices. But you seem (trauma?) bonded to your husband therefore you'll end up going to India. What a strange thread this is 🙄

I’m struggling to understand how going to Korea wouldn’t be your stressful life elsewhere in the same way as India (or anywhere for that matter if holidays are so busy for you.)

"Works for us.", she said, while detailing precisely why that is not the case.

I go away without my husband for a few days at least three or four times a year. I like it because I don't have to take his preferences into account whatsoever. He likes his own way and has no chill. We like doing the same activities together but I also enjoy my own company, pace and agenda. It's very relaxing.
Try it. X

Apologies, I missed this. Your DH is totally wrong about Korea!

I’ve been to India on my own for work and barely left the hotel because I didn’t feel safe on my own as a solo female traveller.
Why can’t you let them go on their own?

I have family in India and have had marvellous experiences there. However if you don’t want to go that’s fine, just tell your DH and son to have a great time there and have your own holiday away or just enjoying your peace at home.

We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us
This is a bit odd, you don’t need to be this rigid, you could stay at a nice resort whilst they travel about. What does it works for us mean? that you don’t allow the other to go anywhere alone??

YABU. If they want to go then left them go on there own and either have a week in peace at home or go somewhere else. Not having a night apart is not an excuse, decide what is more important to you, chilling for a week or being together 24/7. Personally I’d choose the chilling and let them go before it’s another country we find it’s impossible / too expensive etc to experience, at least you’ve already been to Russia, some of us may never get to go now.

It all depends WHERE in India.

I think it's an experience that you'd enjoy sharing with your family, even in retrospect. So I voted yabu.

"We have never spent a night apart except for hospital stays. Works for us."

um, what?!? Clearly it doesn’t work for you. It not working is literally the entire reason you wrote the thread!!

it is actual madness to go places you don’t want to go to, simply because the rest of your family are. As it is equal madness not to go.
just go on separate holidays, maybe compromising once a year to do something together.
or carry on being joined at the hip, even though it works for you, even though it doesn’t at all.

I'd love to go to Korea I think. Haven't been there. Dh says it's a boring choice.

Korea is a beautiful and fascinating country. However I agree there’s no fun going somewhere if your travelling companion is against the idea and goes with a negative mindset.
As pp have pointed out, India is a huge country. Could you do some research and find places there that you think you would enjoy?
Also, finances permitting, having a guide takes away a lot of stress.

@Harshreality I went to India with my then boyfriend(now husband), in my early twenties. Because I was with him I was ignored and he got all the hassle, which he found very hard going. I am very glad we went, I had always wanted to go at the time, and certain parts, like the Taj Mahal, were worth it (for me). Having said that, we were on a budget, and it was therefore an experience rather than a holiday. The poverty and squalor are very real and heartbreaking—not something I would want to experience again, particularly at the age I am now.
I should say that my wanderlust has now completely vanished though, and I wouldn’t find a Korean holiday at all relaxing either. It’s very frustrating for my husband as my views on foreign travel have changed so much since we met. I get stressed even at the thought of organising it these days. I have said I’m happy for him to go anywhere he wants without me (eg with friends, kids or solo), but he won’t. It’s just not relaxing for me. He organises all our trips, but I won’t go anywhere we can’t get to without flying. He’s remarkably tolerant considering how much I have changed on this.
I will not go anywhere I feel unsafe and neither should you. That’s not a holiday.

Eh? At no point have I said he can't go? He is welcome to pop off and leave me but he wouldn't go without me

I just got back from India last week. We stayed in Baga, in Goa. I'm sorry, but there's so much crap on this thread! It was a lovely holiday.

We were treated like royalty by all the staff at the hotel. We had an infinity pool that actually jutted out into the sea. Every morning the pool guy reserved our favourite sunbeds for us, so that we didn't have to get up early. He would also radio for the waiters whenever we wanted cocktails or snacks. When we came out of the pool he rushed over with fresh towels.

The food was INCREDIBLE. Every single time I've been to places like Tenerife, Lanzarote, Furteventura, I have been as sick as a dog from food poisoning, despite staying in top hotels. I had chicken every day in India, and I wasn't sick once. The curry is like nothing I have ever tasted before - the best food I've had in my life, truth be told.

Out and about, we didn't experience any harassment, not even once. And I am blue eyed with blonde hair, so definitely stuck out somewhat. All the waiters, shop staff, other holiday makers, were so, so friendly and very respectful. We never felt unsafe, even walking back to the hotel late at night.

Everyone was dressed very western, we only saw a few older ladies in sari's, all the other women were dressed like Brits, mini skirts, cropped tops etc. It was very family orientated, with children present in all the bars and restaurants, even late at night.

I mean, don't go if you don't want to, but similarly at least inform yourself rather than listen to the pearl clutchers on here. If you pick nice hotels, you will be fine. And you can fly direct (missing out the Middle East) - we flew direct with TUI. We upgraded to Premium. Flights were fantastic with 4 course meals and plenty of wine.

I would go back in a heart beat.

It’s good to flex the being alone muscles now and then - that goes for all of us - it is as much a part of life's adventure as travel and you've done lots of that so maybe this is an opportunity for you to find out how much you enjoy time alone and for your husband and dc to enjoy each other’s company in India.

Ah. This you probably should have mentioned in the op. This is very unhealthy. He doesn’t get to control and manipulate you op, you’re an adult.

If you don’t want to go, you don’t want to go and your wishes are just as important as theirs.

Having said that, we had a fantastic holiday in India. But we stuck to the safety rules - luxury hotels, guides to all the tourist experiences (including where it’s safe to eat - no street food, no fresh fruit/salad you haven’t washed yourself in bottled water). No-one had any sort of stomach upset, and we saw some amazing sights.

I count it as my best holiday ever. But my idea of a great holiday might be different from yours.

It’s not working for you though. You find his choice of holiday activities stressful. Holidays are about balance. I love history, DH would never leave a Sun lounger and DC’s want the sea and water parks. We make sure there is at least a day for everyone when we’re away. I plan one historical day trip, we go to a waterpark, a day lounging round the pool and other days at the beach. Everyone comes back rested and happy.

if dc is a girl then I wouldnt let a 12 year old girl visit without me, the attitudes to women are appalling. IRL 95% of those I know who have been to India came back ill, including those of Indian origin. So it's near the bottom of countries I might visit one day.

If DC is male then send them without you. Would you consider a cruise or maybe a river cruise? Audley travel offer river cruises.

It's very individual. One of my best holidays was Egypt, which everybody on MN hates with a passion. Will go back.

Well that’s fine then. What’s the problem?

I visited India for work last year, and did get some time to go out and explore. The traffic is insane and it is a culture shock seeing the state of the streets. But I had a fab time, visited some amazing historic sites, ate fantastic food and did not get ill. The people were great, but maybe I’m biased due to my colleagues there.

DD worked there for 3 months- top hotel, driven to work etc but she still got ill. She found the noise the hardest thing to cope with and the staring. She loved the experience and the people though.This was Bengaluru so not a tourist destination.

This sounds lovely but the question it leaves me with (as a reluctant traveller who would always prefer to be at home, but has actually travelled fairly widely at the behest of others) is, why go all the way to India? Couldn't you just go to a luxury hotel in Europe somewhere for a lot less money?