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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

472 replies

Harshreality · 06/04/2026 06:09

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

OP posts:
Harshreality · 06/04/2026 21:56

HortiGal · 06/04/2026 21:45

@Harshreality youve been asked quite a bit why you allow your DH to dictate where you go and seem to be ignoring it.
Have you ever told him you want to go anywhere without him? how has he reacted?

Not well. Not reasonably. But I've been up for all previous trips. I've had a lot to think about from everything that you all have said however

OP posts:
SqueakyFromme · 06/04/2026 22:32

@Harshreality don’t go OP.

Tonissister · 06/04/2026 23:05

I used to want to go to India, really strongly. But everyone I know who has been said I'd hate it, including DH, friends who travelled there extensively, friends who honeymooned in luxury hotels there, and Indian friends who grew up there. They all said there's no avoiding the extreme poverty, the pestering, the dirt, the pollution, the high chance of getting ill.

Instead we went to Sri Lanka as everyone I knew said I'd love it and I did. All the culture - Buddhist and Hindu temples, fantastic wildlife (elephants and monitor lizards just strolling down the main roads, monkeys everywhere, peacocks having dance-offs in the street), stunning scenery and sunsets, the sensory overload of tea and spice plantations, incense and frangipani trees, Indian Ocean to swim in, delicious food. But without the hassle and extreme poverty.

OP, you could suggest it to your DH and DC as a compromise. It would be hard not to love Sri Lanka.

gillefc82 · 07/04/2026 00:45

About 20 years ago over the course of 3 years, I had a few extended stints working in India (shortest 3 weeks, longest 2 months), to undertake some compliance audits of two offshore service providers, post the migration of some highly regulated processes.

I spent time in Delhi, Noida, Pune and Mumbai and also took the chance to visit Agra and Jaipur whilst there. Because of the length of the trips, there was a fair bit of downtime, so I was able to get a good sense of what those places were like.

Noida and Pune are small and had nothing really to recommend them. Outside of the cuItural sites to visit I wasn’t overly fussed by Delhi. But I loved Mumbai. It’s more cosmopolitan, has that Bollywood influence and feels more akin to a city you’d find on a Mediterranean coast. There are lots of really top quality, funky rooftop bars and amazing restaurants to visit, perfect for spending a few hours on a warm evening watching the lights of the bay and the cool night breeze, whilst sipping on a cold G&T. You also have plenty of cultural sights you can visit too, some decent shopping malls and even tailors shops who will make exceptional, made to measure shirts, suits etc, from the highest quality fabric, for a fraction of what it would cost in the UK. Would recommend Kings in Bandra.

I also found the people generally to be lovely, friendly and welcoming, with some of the best service I’ve had in restaurants.

There are of course negatives. The traffic (especially in Mumbai) is HORRENDOUS! Be prepared to be sat going nowhere fast in 6 lanes of traffic on a 3 lane road….surrounded by cars, trucks, vans, motorbikes, tuktuks (both motorised and pedal powered), cyclists, pedestrians, dogs, goats and even the odd cow. Indicators are an extinct species - instead drivers beep their horns aggressively to warn of a planned lane change…..but only after they’ve already started pulling into your lane! And should that cow choose to randomly lie in the middle of said road to have a rest, then you aren’t going anywhere until the cow decides of its own accord to move (as they are sacred animals, no one will harry them along!)

Whilst on the subject of transport, I also wouldn’t recommend trains: crowded, not very clean and during one leg of my journey we had long delays after someone threw themselves onto the tracks - apparently relatively common. Also avoid motorway service station bathrooms - perhaps I was just unlucky, but the one I encountered was quite literally just a hole in the floor, with a bucket of water next to it.

Don’t visit during monsoon season if you can avoid it. We aren’t talking monsoons like some other countries experience them - a 20 minute rain shower once or twice a day, sandwiched between blue skies and sunshine. Monsoon here is sticky and humid with downpours that are unrelenting and often torrential. So heavy in fact they often cause large sections of the (poorly constructed) roads to be washed away, creating mini sink holes that aren’t quickly fixed. The last thing you need when the roads are already so congested!

The biggest shock for me was the abject poverty. It was a huge juxtaposition between the 5 star luxury hotel I was staying in and sprawling shanty town I could see from my window or being chauffeured from hotel to office in an air conditioned car, whilst beggars are tapping on your window at the traffic lights asking for money or food. Particularly upsetting are the young kids or mothers with babes in arms. The Indian Government tell you not to give to them as they say many are scammers who use women and children for profit, sometimes deliberately maiming them to make them more sympathetic cases. Even so, it’s very hard to not give even a little something in the moment, when you’re looking them in the eyes.

Being honest, India is probably not somewhere I would have visited were it not for work reasons, but I am really glad I got the opportunity. As someone who sounds pretty well travelled, I think you should give it a go - you might be pleasantly surprised.

HortiGal · 07/04/2026 01:03

@Harshreality Big trips aside, in 25 yrs other than hospital
you've not has a single night away from him, this is very unusual.
Have you gave up asking due to his reaction?
If you said I’m not going to India , you two go, what would he actually do?
This doesn’t sound healthy at all.

CharlotteRumpling · 07/04/2026 07:36

SqueakyFromme · 06/04/2026 22:30

Edited

This thread has deteriorated into sharing shocking news from India. A cursory Google brings up many bestiality incidents from the UK too.
Which I won't share because it's not the point and I don't want to ruin anyone's breakfast.

The point is why OPs husband allows her no agency.

Flinderskleepers · 07/04/2026 08:18

As PP said, I recommend Sri Lanka as a happy medium. I'm very well travelled and adventurous but have never fancied India particularly, mainly because of the risk of food poisoning, but Sri Lanka was (relatively) clean, and safe. It is by far the best country for food as well (IMHO).

The only issue may be flights - I had to transit through Dubai which may be an issue currently, but there may be direct flights now.

landlordhell · 07/04/2026 08:28

Goa and Kerala are tourist friendly.

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 07/04/2026 08:51

India is a big place. I'd imagine the experience depends entirely on what parts you are intending to visit.

Heronwatcher · 07/04/2026 08:59

India is the side issue here. Why are you letting your husband dictate whether you can spend a night away from the house without him? That’s controlling. And being whiny and unreasonable to stop you is manipulation and possibly abuse. This is not a good example to set your DC however many adventures you have in compensation.

Use this as a chance to reset and start planning some nights away on your own. If he can’t cope with this I’d honestly consider separating.

Snaletrale · 07/04/2026 09:03

I loved India, but it is certainly an assault on your senses. So loud, busy, colourful, full of smells and wonderful sights. I embraced all that, but I can see why it overwhelms some people. Like somewhere such as Vietnam but on steroids, is how I can best describe it.

You can certainly do it in luxury at a reasonable cost. You observe the poverty etc but you don’t really experience it iykwim.

As I said, I loved it.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 07/04/2026 09:54

We went to Kerala for our honeymoon. A friend helped us organise it. We had a driver and travelled around quite a bit. Allapey houseboat was beautiful and relaxed, the southern most tip Kanyakamari - has amazing sunrise/sunsets and is lovely, we went to the tea plantations in Munnar but was a bit cold and wet - my husband said it was like Scotland! Visited Cochin, saw the impressive fishing nets. The vast differences in wealth can be hard to witness but is part of the culture. We didn’t have any hassle. We mostly stayed in Homestays which was great to meet locals. We did spend 2 nights in a touristy beach place (can’t remember the name) which was nice but not ‘real’ India. I’d love to go again. We’re not very well travelled so it was a totally new experience and I’m so pleased we did it.

kohlrabislaw · 07/04/2026 15:17

I also had a lovely time in Kerala. It was beautiful and relaxing. A very different side of India. I do think the main issue here seems to be that OP is expected to unquestioningly go wherever her partner wants to go, and having individual trips seems out of the question, which is concerning.

Aluna · 07/04/2026 15:22

kohlrabislaw · 07/04/2026 15:17

I also had a lovely time in Kerala. It was beautiful and relaxing. A very different side of India. I do think the main issue here seems to be that OP is expected to unquestioningly go wherever her partner wants to go, and having individual trips seems out of the question, which is concerning.

Well OP seems to expect that herself. If they weren’t joined at the hip for every holiday she could give India a miss.

JudgeJ · 08/04/2026 12:09

Going and living a western luxury lifestyle for a fortnight in a very poor country is outrageously selfish.

Not all India is a 'very poor country' there are some extremely wealthy Indian families though who are very keen to keep their fellow citizens very poor! We did a three week tour with a guide, a driver and the driver's assistant who acted as the look out when overtaking but that's another story. Towards the end of the tour we were organising tips and asked the guide, again, for the driver's and assistant's names. The guide was appalled, he was a Rajput and did not associate with the lower castes, this despite him telling us the he and the driver usually worked together.

godmum56 · 08/04/2026 12:28

@gillefc82
" I think you should give it a go - you might be pleasantly surprised."

and I think the OP should do what she wants to do.

gillefc82 · 08/04/2026 12:33

godmum56 · 08/04/2026 12:28

@gillefc82
" I think you should give it a go - you might be pleasantly surprised."

and I think the OP should do what she wants to do.

Calm down dear. It was a recommendation, not an instruction.

VanGoSunflowers · 08/04/2026 12:40

Whereabouts in India do they want to go OP? I’ve been there, it was in 2011 though and part of a RTW trip. We went to Goa, Delhi, Agra, Kerala, Hampi.
Have also been to China and Japan and I kind of agree with you. I didn’t enjoy India all that much. I did like Beijing though. It may have changed since I went but it was very full on and people were constantly trying to rip us off.

Have you ever been to anywhere in Africa? I did two months travelling around and camping in Kenya, Uganda, Rwanda, Tanzania, Malawi and Zimbabwe and I can HIGHLY recommend it. Beautiful countries, all unique and the people we met were all amazing. So relaxed and friendly, Zanzibar is a stunning Island to visit and the culture and natural beauty in these countries will stay with me forever. I hope to go back some day.

godmum56 · 08/04/2026 13:00

gillefc82 · 08/04/2026 12:33

Calm down dear. It was a recommendation, not an instruction.

so was mine....so you "calm down"

gillefc82 · 08/04/2026 13:03

@godmum56 The sun is shining and I’m in a good mood, so I’ll just say - I hope you have a wonderful day! 👋

supples · 08/04/2026 13:05

Harshreality · 06/04/2026 21:56

Not well. Not reasonably. But I've been up for all previous trips. I've had a lot to think about from everything that you all have said however

This is a bit worrying op, are there other ways he tries to force you to do what he wants? I loved India but it’s absolutely ok for you not to and he has to respect that. I also think the inability to be apart is worrying, controlling.

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