I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

There are plenty of rich and middle income people in India. My extended family in the metro cities there have more disposable income than I do, and better housing. The women in these families work as doctors, lawyers, or in IT, and travel alone.Yes, it's overall a poor country, but some of the posts here focus only on the poverty and poor hygiene. There's way more.

Nobody needs to stay in five stars. I usually stay in small heritage hotels or homestays, which benefit from my money.

You shouldn't be forced to go to a country you don't want to visit. So either the rest of them go without you or you find an itinerary you would be willing to do - it's not like India is a small place!

I went to India in December using an organised tour of the Golden Triangle (Exodus travel company). I was a bit apprehensive about India and would never have wanted to do it alone but having a guide takes all the stress out of it, they make sure you only eat in restaurants with high standards, being in a group protects you from being hassled on the street, and the travel itinerary is taken care of. We even had an organised rickshaw tour through the manic streets of Old Delhi which we'd never dared do alone. The weather was pleasantly warm in December, not too hot. I found it less stressful than when visiting China twenty-odd years ago. So maybe an organised tour could be a compromise?

I went to India some years ago, It was a last minute trip. I should have gone to Luxor but there was a massacre and my holiday was cancelled. Stayed in 5 star hotels and booked myself a private trip to Rajestan once I got there. Even had a side trip to Katmandu. India is a fascinating country with many beautiful things to see and buy. I walked around on my own with no fear for my safety. Yes I did get hassled but I just pushed past the hawkers. I enjoyed the Taj and went back 3 times. There were more Indian torurists there than western. The food was wonderful.

Can you compromise on the time of year of the trip (to avoid extreme heat) and where you stay (a decent hotel)? India is so vast that there might be room to compromise on which bits you go as well.

i think it’s fair enough to know what you absolutely don’t want though.

Why do you find holiday stressful when you only have 1 kid of that age? Bit weird. But let them go on their own, you do something else.

Lol

Paying for the 5 star hotels. You help the locals who work in these hotels

It obviously doesn’t though, as you are being forced to go where you don’t want to because he refuses to go alone.

If you really don't want to go, don't go.

I have always wanted to go to India and was never able to afford it, now in my 70s I know I won't ever go and am not bothered but everyone I know who has been there has fallen in love with it.

However no way would I be forced to go anywhere I didn't want to.

India is huge, where exactly do husband and child want to visit particularly?

They can go without you, surely.

India is not a 'very poor country' nowadays, it has a thriving economy. Depends on where abouts you go but it's lovely,

This point- more Indian tourists than Western- is even more true now, at most places. There is a burgeoning Indian upper and middle class which have money to travel. Many of the top hotels will have many Indian guests, in contrast to some years ago. It's not just rich Westerners parachuting in.

Of course, huge inequality remains.

Do you need a hand getting off your high horse?

In 25 years you’ve never been on any trip/weekend way without him and if you suggest it he accuses you of pushing him away??
This isn’t a normal way to behave or live, you seem to just brush away any questions about this odd behaviour.
This isn’t a healthy relationship to model to your child.

Don’t fear India. It can be done in many ways… if you’ve travelled as extensively as you have then it’s worth it. Like others says it’s a continent in itself so much different food and people - factor in some relaxation time. It’s manageable.

If you don’t want to go do not go, but it is false and unfair to say that India is next level in comparison to China, for instance, there’s plenty of very difficult circumstances and poverty in China. The sexism and rape potential though is significantly less (and the word significantly is an understatement). For this reason alone I wouldn’t go to India. I lived in China. Beijing is not a good example.

You’ve clearly never gone on holiday as a mother and wife with a husband who refuses to do anything and leaves all the packing and planning to you and expects you to do all the childcare you’d usually do at home. It’s not a holiday for mums. It’s just regular life in another country.

Well, I think your impression of India is wrong having been there more times than I can remember, and also having been to China and Brazil and Japan and Thailand (and all the rest). India is a sub-continent with every landscape and holiday-type you can think of. You're digging your heels in because you have prejudices (as in, you have preconceptions which you don't feel inclined to educate yourself out of).

You can do India on a shoestring, but it'll be awful. I would find a compromise with your DH: do it in a degree of luxury and comfort, and DEFINITELY not over summer. You can stay in lovely hotels where you don't have to worry about food and water. You can travel by plane and private driver. You can do sorties arranged by a tour company or hotel guide. You can spend minimum days in the cities and maximum time in the gorgeous, stunning, peaceful, life-changing countryside.

And please drop the "rape capital of the world" bullshit. Delhi is no more the rape capital of the world than London is the stabbing capital of the world. 1.5bn people live there, you think they're all dirty heathens where half the population rapes the other half? Clearly all that travel has done nothing for your intellect 🙄

I have never experienced this because I married a man who likes me as a person, and didn’t just marry me to be a skivvy. Why on earth would you go on holiday with someone who makes it miserable more than once?

Where do they want to go in India? You can book into a nice hotel and let them crack on with what they want to do, whilst you stay in the hotel/resort. I've been a number of times as BIL is of Indian background and have to go to their wedding/events etc and I'll be honest, I was incredibly surprised by it. I was in similar position to you that I really did not want to go, but after having visited now, you need to know different states have completely different vibes and you might well surprise yourself. It's not all poverty porn that they seem to show about India. 5 star India absolutely wipes the floor with European hotels in every aspect with cleanliness, food and service. I was genuinely astounded by this and to this day my husband and I always reminisce that the Indian hotels we've stayed in absolutely, hands down are the best hotels we've ever stayed in (we've travelled a lot). If you want proper luxury go for Oberoi group hotels (their cheaper version that is still 5 star is Trident), their service is second to none. Leela group is also lovely, but service not as good as Oberoi. Taj group has lovely hotels (in some, service can be a bit slow, like Mumbai). Some of the hotels in these hotel groups have been rated as some of the best in the world. If you want recommendations for Delhi, Jaipur, Udaipur, Jaiselmer, Jodhpur and Mumbai, send me a DM, and I can tell you where I've personally stayed. Other states I'm not familiar with aside from Ladakh. If you have same budget that you use for any European getaways for India, you should have a pleasant time.

Don't go then, let them go without you.

Read the thread. Husband won’t go without her.

Get off your high horse in not blaming for for anything. You are the one that said drivers took you where you didn't want to go. And yeah it's sensible to not go off with some unknown man wherever you are in the world.

Men in the street just ignore or tell them to piss off

Well then he will miss out on the India trip he wants won't he

What a horribly patronising post.
The OP is allowed to have a preference on a holiday destination. It doesn’t make her stupid.

And for what it’s worth I have visited India and hated it. I felt unsafe and hated the poverty, the rubbish, the noise and pollution. I understand that the whole of India isn’t like that but the 5 places I had to visit were and it didn’t make me want to see more of the country. That’s my preference and doesn’t mean I need to educate myself.

Maybe a tiger safari away from the hustle & bustle of dirty cities?

Otherwise, I'd double down on the idea of doing some trips separately. Married 40 yrs & we sometimes do this where our interests & tolerances deviate. It's lovely to see your partner go and achieve a lifetime ambition without you holding them back.