I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

I think the issue is more dh wont compromise and let you relax some of the time rather than india.
Tell them to go

It's not much of a holiday though, surely, if you have to analyse every morsel that passes your lips....

I wouldn't ever go as I have a peanut allergy, so think Asian food is best avoided when there is a language barrier to contend with as well (I couldn't afford anywhere high end!).

But she doesn’t want to go …

It's perfectly ok not to want to go. Just tell Sulky McWhine to grow up, take a holiday just himself and your 12 year old, and you go somewhere nice like Norway or Italy instead.

I eat hot street food and am never ill. Not everyone is. It's eating salads and buffets that make you ill.

Hah. DH used to be a similar pain on holidays, bouncing around excitedly at the thought of whatever tiring and tiresome activities we could do each day.
It came to a head on a US holiday when both DS and I firmly said ‘Nothing!’ In response to his daily ‘what shall we do today?’ question.
We just wanted to laze around by the pool/beach sometimes and not have to plan every single day’s activities. These days he takes himself off for a walk or tour or whatever. Result.

OP, have you never gone away for a hen night or a school reunion or to visit friends without him?

Have you thought about Sri Lanka - it’s a stunning country with so much to do - very unspoiled, easy to get around, lovely people.

Nope

If you really don't fancy it, you go somewhere else and relax, whilst dh and dc go to India?

I'd love to go to India, but my dh has no interest.
Whereas he's desperate to go to China, and i can't imagine anything worse.

See, this is the real issue. Your DH is insanely possessive.
Don't you feel suffocated? I need time away on my own.

And have you always been happy with this situation? I'd feel absolutely smothered in this type of relationship, but I realise different people like different things.

We do have a lot of fun and have had some great adventures. So the always being together has not been a problem. But I'm not 20 anymore. Plus I have a child now to think about. I don't want seat of my pants adventures that we barely make it out alive from. And there have been a few. I don't want to go to an immensely hectic country, Delhi specifically, that will be non stop stress and constantly being switched on for me

Perfectly reasonable.

That’s a really reasonable reason to not want to go.

YANBU OP. Tell him to go on his own and if he won't then thats his tough luck. He needs to grow up.

I don't know how you've put up with this for so long though. It's making me feel suffocated just reading about your clingy, whiney husband.

So what, let him whine and tell him to get over himself.

This

Your husband and child should go, and you should stay home and have a quiet time. That would be a real adventure for all concerned.

Just because you have never spent a night apart in 25 years is no reason not to do so now. This self-imposed rule is holding you both back from doing what you want on this occasion.

Personally, I think India is well worth a visit, but if you don't want to go, then you don't want to go, and that's your prerogative. It doesn't sound like you are stopping your DH and DC from going, so I think they need to respect your wishes and go without you.

I don't know how you've put up with this for so long though. It's making me feel suffocated just reading about your clingy, whiney husband.

This!!!!

He sounds extremely controlling and whiney?
How awful for you.
Absolutely no way I would be interested in India, despite having lived in the Far East for a few years.
Definitely not today, in the heat.

Tell him go with your son.
Maybe you should talk to someone about him.
It's not normal to feel such intense pressure.

India doesn't especially appeal to me either. I'd rather "do" China for the history/culture. I'd also like to go to Japan or South Korea one day.

I enjoyed Beijing immensely. I'd happily go there again.

Correct.

Going and living a western luxury lifestyle for a fortnight in a very poor country is outrageously selfish.

Going viewing poverty strikes of colonialism.

The planet is already screwed so perhaps it's too late to stop people ruining the environment further.