I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

This is a horrible comment. Ive been to India and it was magical, truly one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. The music, the colours, the clothes, the movies, the language, the way people stop traffic, stop everything, if theres a cow ambling through the street!

It was for work and I went to a lot of different towns and villages. Don't disrespect an entire nation, its history and its people by reducing it to its rape statistics.

OP doesnt have to go though, its a very intense cultural experience and a long long flight (also you havd to be careful of getting a bad stomach) so if she doesn't fancy it she should go somewhere relaxing on her own.

Of course YANBU to not want to go somewhere that doesn’t appeal to you. Personally, I’ve always wanted to go to India, but I don’t like “laying on a beach” holidays and think they’re boring - everyone is different. The thing here is for some reason you’re saying you will end up getting bullied into going.

You’ve told your DH to go without you and he says no. Well that’s his problem then.

Why do you think he’ll end up forcing you to go? Is this a normal dynamic in your relationship? If so that needs changing.

The driver was booked through the hotel as I needed to get to my work appointments and public transport wasn’t an option.
I didn’t just go off with random men I followed the procedure set out by my organisation in relation to travel.

For some reason you feel the need to dismiss and minimise a woman’s experience of feeling unsafe and experiencing harassment. Why are you so offended by my experience of the suggestion that some women face sexual assault and harassment in India?

Jesus wept. Talk about tired old platitudes and sweeping statements.
The smug self-righteousness is strong with this one.

What state are you from, Sitting? Is it a touristy place? Do you feel safe when you’re there? How do you and the female members of your family deal with the safety aspect? Feel free not to answer if you don’t want to, and I’m not challenging your experience in any way, I’m just interested.

@Harshreality Is your DC a boy or girl? You might have already said but I can’t see it. If a girl, there is no way in a million years I’d be letting her travel to India (or anywhere else) without me. At that age, there’ll be times and places where they’d have to be separated and I wouldn’t want parents eyes to be taken off her for a second. Also, I find that some men roll their eyes at the risk of sexual assault and think everything will be fine because they’re just sitting around the corner etc, and I’d have to have supreme confidence in my DH’s understanding of the risk to her before letting her go.

I think he needs to have some understanding that if neither of you want to spend time apart (which I’m not judging you for) then holidays need to be about compromise and accepting that there are particular places where you won’t be able to travel as a family. Point out that you’d never suggest a week by a pool in Marbella because you know that it would be his idea of hell. So he has to accept that there are locations that you don’t want to do either. If you’ve been to over 50 countries then you’re clearly willing to be a bit more adventurous than your average holiday maker, so he either accepts it or he goes alone (without the DC).

But you weren't sexually assaulted

OP, you say you've never spent a night apart in 25 years and 'this works for us'. But clearly it's NOT working for you on this specific occasion. He wants badly to go to India. You want badly not to go. There is an obvious solution staring you in the face, but you won't consider it because he will be 'whiney'. I think you've got an underlying problem of him pressuring you to go along with his plans, but you won't see it and choose to interpret it as some sort of lovey-dovey 'it works for us' marriage straitjacket.

Surely as adults you compromise and find somewhere you'd both enjoy. That's what most people do.

Oh well that’s okay then 🙄
Women are though, but you probably blame them as apparently India is perfectly safe for women.

I was harassed repeatedly and made to feel unsafe on multiple occasions. As a result I wouldn’t not recommend India as a place to travel as woman.
Your experience may be different and that’s great but don’t minimise other people experiences or blame women for being made to feel unsafe.

Ive been to India twice and going again in December.
Its not everyone's ideal holiday but I quite like it.

If you have never been give it a go at least you can say you have been.

India is beautiful op. Stay in a posh hotel. You won’t get sick necessarily any more than you would in Europe.

I found Indians to be some of the politest people I have ever met.

The British Indians in the UK massively outperform the white British in educational scores

@canklesmctacotits And please drop the "rape capital of the world" bullshit. Delhi is no more the rape capital of the world than London is the stabbing capital of the world. 1.5bn people live there, you think they're all dirty heathens where half the population rapes the other half? Clearly all that travel has done nothing for your intellect There is a post up thread from someone who was born and bred in India, saying she’s on tenterhooks every-time she goes back to visit her family. Do you think she’s making it up? Or imagining it? Or do you think that, as a person staying in posh hotels and employing guards, you may have had a different experience? Because, to me, it sounds like less of an issue with other posters intelligence and more an example of your failure to understand your privilege over the women who have to live there.

The thing with India is that many, many things can be true at once!

But again, OPs main issue is her husband.

I was born in Nagpur 😂

Sounds like all holidays with your DH are stressful? His nagging and whining sound most unattractive. Neither of you should go on a holiday you don't enjoy, although you can visit India and stay in luxury hotels/resorts and avoid all the issues that concern you. Would that be a compromise that would work?

I've been to China, Japan, Russia, Brazil, Argentina etc AND India. I would return to all of those countries happily, except India. The squalor, the chaos, the poverty, the traffic and the risk of illness (we were ultra careful but were both very ill during the 3 weeks). There is no comparison between India and those other countries.

And?
Does some polite people cancel out my daily harassment and being made to feel unsafe on multiple occasions?

I met some very polite and lovely people but I was also sexually harassed and made to feel unsafe by multiple men across five different cities.

Well don't try saying my experience ( without companies organizing cars or flash hotels either) doesn't count.

I have been sexually assaulted ( as a child) in a nice country town in Berkshire by a relative so location doesn't cause or stop that

YANBU to not find going to a particular place appealing. However you guys seemed to have travelled a lot together, who has picked these destinations? If it's always your husband, then YA definitely NBU. However if you have been picking all or most of the destinations to date, then YAB slightly U. If it's genuinely been a joint decision for holiday destinations so far, then is there really no room for compromise? Given your destinations it seems like you have enough income that it's not like this is going to be the only holiday you will ever have. Compromise with holiday to India (with you doing more of what you want to do there), or a dual centre holiday? Go to India this year and the next holiday is your choice and he doesn't get to veto it?

Stayed in a small guest house, but if I went again it would have to be a good hotel

I’ve travelled around extensively and I can assure you that India is both beautiful, varied and filled with amazing people. It’s much safer than many parts of Brazil, Central America and South Africa. I have done it cheaply a couple of times (backpacking) and did get ill once from street food, and I’ve done it more luxuriously now I’m older and that was amazing.

if you go to the north it’s not hot and the mountains, nature etc is amazing. There are gorgeous temples, architecture and history everywhere. You have beautiful beaches in Goa, Kerala. Amazing fishing towns, modern tech cities and yes absolutely mental Delhi. I did like Mumbai. Can’t beat watching cricket there either!

In the cities you can get any cuisine you like and further a field the food is very different in different places. Beautiful vegan food in Gujarat, north is rich and creamy, south more tangy and super spicy.

I guess it’s personal preference but I love it and found it much more enjoyable than China.

😂 So what?

What does that have to do with anything? The vast, vast majority of Indians I’m quite sure are absolutely delightful and more than capable of outperforming British students. But we aren’t talking about individuals. We’re talking about a deeply patriarchal society where girls are being stoned and burned alive because of men and nothing is done. Where ‘honour’ killings take place and the police are bribed to turn a blind eye. Where there’s a caste declaring a whole group of people as ‘untouchables’. Where the number of rapes and sexual assaults per capita is at a terrifying level and women are still too scared to tell anyone because of the damage that will be done to their family’s reputation. If you think that the OP is wrong to be concerned about any of those things and you had an authentic experience because a few of you have stayed in five star hotels and paid guards to act as guides, then you are delusional and embarrassingly unaware of your privilege, both in terms of your wealth and the colour of your skin.

I just wanted to say it.

There are issues, yes.

But also many nice areas in India.