I reeeeeeally don't want to go to India

[Harshreality]

Husband and DC (12) want to go. I do not. Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life somewhere else. I can envisage India being stress on steroids. The constant worrying about safety, getting ill, the noise, the hygiene, the hustle bustle, potential harassment...etc. Nothing about it appeals remotely but I'll almost certainly be forced to go with nagging. Our breaks are always nonstop activities because dh is so driven but I have been saying no to India for almost 25 years .Is it unreasonable to not want to go?

Holidays for me are not a break, it's just my same stressful life ....

This is the real issue. What is at play here that holidays are not enjoyable? Do you mean you never go away as a family or it's all done at your DH's pace and is too full on for you? Why isn't there a compromise or some time apart?

Most of your concerns about travelling in India can be remedied by a well organised higher end tour company. Kerala may be 'easier' than Delhi/Agra etc. If you're talking about backpacking then yes, it can be a challenge but there's much to enjoy.

As an alternative you could consider Sri Lanka which has much of what India offers but in a smaller country. BTW, South Korea is not boring, lots to do and see there too.

Agree with all that!

India is fabulous, and neither of us got ill when we went, but you don't have to go of it's not for you that's not unreasonable. It is unreasonable if you say they shouldn't go either though.
It does sound like his holiday plans never ever align with your idea of a holiday, can you not compromise and alternate what he likes to do one trip and what you like to do another? I have a friend who rarely holidays with her husband, but I don't know if that would be for me. I am probably completely odd but alignment on holiday destinations was a key decision making factor when I agreed to marry my husband, for me it had to be someone who'd chose to go somewhere like Japan or Madagascar over Tenerife.

YANBU. I feel similar about India, doesn’t help I don’t like the food either. And I’ve also travelled extensively.
I have ‘I wouldn’t go there’ list of countries and so does my DH; however I enjoy taking solo trips occasionally and so does my DH.

I completely agree. Nagpur being amongst them @canklesmctacotits But that doesn’t negate the fact that it’s not a country where women can feel that they won’t be at risk because of their sex.

My dad tried to get me to go along with him, said it would be the holiday of a lifetime… yhe mate you said that about Morocco/ Marrakesh and that was fucking horrible.

I will be 100% honest I’d say he should go but I wouldn’t be happy with my DD going somewhere like that. Not exactly a great record on women’s rights.

OP I just admit I don't understand why you've singled out India. If you'd never been further than France I'd get it but you've been to Russia for goodness' sake. That's far less safe and definitely no cleaner.

I have been to both and honestly your aversion to India is rather irrational.

I would say that I didn't encounter any of the misogyny-related behaviour in India that one faces in Turkey / North Africa.

Edit: it seems like you had a poor experience and that's fair enough. I wasn't staying in hotels or there for tourism and I was also in a very impoverished area but I didn't encounter any of those issues.

It sounds like your DH and son need to go alone.

Agreed and this was my experience. Our hotel also provided us with a driver and who we used the whole time and felt very safe with.

Oh Shri Lanka! Yes! We haven’t made it there yet but many of of our friends have and they loved it.

If your child is male, your son and husband will have a different experience than you will have. It is fair to let them go on their own for this trip.

if your child is female, I would insist on joining or pick a different country.

If you actually read through my posts, at no point did I say anything about rape. So there is no need for such hostility

I’ve been for the last two years, DH was resistant but it was my 50th birthday wish. It was amazing. The nicest people you would ever meet, especially in the Hindi areas (Delhi etc). We’ve been to Delhi, Mumbai, Jaipur, Shimla, Jodphur, Udaipir, Amritsar (beautiful), Ranthambore. Only place I didn’t like was Varanasi, but saying that we did a boat ride down the Ganges and witnessed the funeral cremations on the banks, it was beautiful and peaceful.

First time we went we had no illness whatsoever. Second time, both DH and I had upset stomachs. The hotel bought a doctor out to DH on Holi (major bank holiday). Doctor came with a trunk of medicines, an assistant, put DH on a drip for an hour (and sat with him chatting) and prescribed and dosed all sorts of (Western ) meds. Hotel made a huge fuss of us bringing us trays of snacks and drinks. Had the bill for the doctor £37. Honestly if I was going to get ill I’d rather get ill in India than the UK!

PS I got a nasty chest infection on a cruise ship in America and ended up with an $8,000 claim on my travel insurance!

I actually get medical treatment and blood tests done in India as I have given up trying to get a GP appointment in my corner of London.

We found that 12/13 was the perfect age for our children to start having holidays with one parent. They got a kick out of having the undivided attention and were mature enough to be good companions.

My DH took both of ours on long haul trips when they were in their early teens (DD had her 13th birthday in Japan!) and they went really well).

I’d sit your husband down and say look, you and DS will have a fabulous time in India and it’ll be great for you to have a holiday together. I’ll stay at home and keep everything going here.

Perhaps also emphasize that it’s really healthy for children to spend time with one parent too, it strengthens their relationship and they get to know each other as individuals, not just as the Mum-and-Dad unit, IYSWIM.

Edit to say that it’s also perfectly reasonable for you to be uninterested in visiting certain countries, we all have places that we’d love to visit and others that we’re less interested in. Personally, I’d love to visit India, but I’m less interested in New Zealand, for example. Nothing against New Zealand, I’m just not particularly bothered for some reason.

Had surgery there, full body check ups. So much cheaper.

Don't go if you don't want. I've been a couple of times, and all your pbjections are valid. And worse for a woman, doubtless. People who say, stop in a nice hotel and you won't get sick; that's just their experience, there are no guarantees. And I can assure you that fully-fledged dysentery is a very different kettle of fish to the tummy bug you might get from a dodgy kebab in the UK.

Best advice in this whole thread!^^

We lived in Singapore for a short time and I had the same experience, I got sick and ended up with the most amazing care and all for £40.

I thought that was Croydon?

Good to know! My husband thought it was hilarious and he wasn’t as picky as I was about only eating cooked food, using bottled water for everything. He was totally fine there and didn’t get sick.

He did however get very sick from swimming at the beach in Indonesia and was sick for weeks.

You've been married for that long and you can't just tell him to get a bloody grip, and that you're allowed to have different likes and dislikes to him? And that if India is something he wants to do, then he can do it and you won't. And that you'll do something you want to do.

Sounds absolutely suffocating and borderline abusive to never spend time apart and to be forced to do exactly what your spouse wants to do else he'll tell you you're "pushing him away". Not to mention, your choices are "boring".

In fact - where's that other post about the boyfriend who says shit like this to his girlfriend? She should read this post and see what her life will be like in 20 years time if she allows it.

Some of the most functional couples I've seen have times where they do their own thing. If anything giving each other space can bring you closer together when you are together. What do you even talk about with someone that's stuck to you all the time?

Pretty sure India isn't the rape country of the world, but certainly would make the top 10 or so if proper data was available.

Dh was mooting India for our holiday. I really didnt have much desire to go but would have gone. I too would have been stressed and anxious so im glad we aren't going.
The thing that jumps out is that it seems to be your dh who chooses the holiday and his high octane ideas are not your idea of a good holiday. Have you ever been on a holiday where it was your choice? What would you like to do?

DeftGoldHedgehog
I would love to go, I'd build in a yoga retreat.
Yes, India can be extremely hectic but also wonderful. It's massive! People writing a whole country off are coming across as a bit thick.
People know what they like a asnd ehat they’re able for/ want in a holiday. both my friend and dh have been to so many parts of India for work and the one thing they always say is it’s amazing but horrifically tough seeing the pure poverty, neither have ever come home without expressing how they’re not sure they want to ever go back.