AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

OP you posted in AIBU and it can be brutal. The lack of understanding of MH problems on the thread is quite shocking. I think you’ve identified the best approach here. The last thing you want to do is make him feel abandoned if you back off altogether, but obviously he’s going to need space for his recovery.

I was a disability outreach worker for a long time and saw my fair share of MH problems, some of which tore families and personal relationships apart. You need to know what you’re getting into because some conditions can be very difficult to deal with. Having said that, if you care about this man, it will be difficult to just disengage altogether so I think maybe be there as a friend and offer support, and see where it goes. Just make sure you’re as informed as you can be about his condition and prepared for difficult times as well as good ones. Good luck.

Agree. There’s not a great deal of understanding here from some.

Because whatever issue, illness etc he has might manifest on how he shows up on his romantic relationships.

I have enough on my plate as it is and I grew up with a parent with schizophrenia and it’s not for the faint of heart.

I have had mental health struggles, so I am not going to stigamtise or talk down about him. All I will say is if he is sectioned, then he it has been decided that he doesn't currently have full capacity to look after himself. He needs to focus on getting better, not forming new relationships.

Well that’s sort of obvious- same for any physical or mental illness.

but the why doesn’t make any sense to me? What answer would you expect? Because the answer to why he was sectioned is highly likely to be psychosis. That gives you no information.

Sectioning has nothing to do with capacity. You can be sectioned for a variety of reasons and still retain full capacity. Sectioning gives the professionals the ability to treat you appropriately regardless of consent. It doesn’t mean you don’t have the ability to consent.

A close friend of mine was sectioned. When he came out he seemed reasonably “normal” but went on to have fairly serious issues for years. That is a huge burden to take on in a new relationship. I wouldn’t do this. Too painful for at least one, maybe both of you.

I would hold off on dating. Good friends can support one another in a way that people dating can not. If you both have a background with trauma, you should realize how easy it is to end up in a codependent relationship.

after he is in a better place, maybe it will turn into something more. Friendship is the best foundation for a strong and lasting romantic relationship.

Well, one might think that you could easily answer that question yourself.

I don't think you are being unreasonable by considering it. However, I would proceed with caution.As other posters pointed out he will be vulnerable.You say you met at a support group, if you have mental health issues you will understand that. I used to work ( a long time ago) with adults with mental illnesses .Mental illnesses which result in a 'section' are often bi-polar and schizophrenia. They are serious and chronic conditions. People with these conditions are stigmatized ( see some of above posts) and face many challenges in their personal lives connecting with others. I knew many who had successful long term relationships, but relapse is always a risk and can be very distressful. Compliance with medication is important, due to side effects especially anti psychotics people will stop taking them because they ' feel fine' only to become very ill and have little insight as to why this has happened. Can you see him as a friend and not give false hope of dating of a romantic relationship? At least until you understand more about the support he might need.

The obvious worry here is that he is currently sectioned, he is a vulnerable person currently in crisis. He is not in any position to start a healthy relationship, full stop.

My secondary but very real concern is that you mention you met in a support group- in all honesty that could well be a recipe for disaster rather than any kind of healthy relationship.

As someone who has been sectioned a few times myself absolutely not. I actually question my partners sanity of why he started seeing me. People with smi are draining and will need a lot of your time. There are also a lot of restrictions that you may face being in a relationship with someone with smi. Like how much more difficult it will be for him to get and keep a job, has he had his driving licence took of him, hope you're also not planning on traveling much as there are restrictions and if you have kids with him mental illness can be quite genetic and the chances of social service involvement is highly likely with smi. So basically just no.

I’m not sure what else do you need me to explain to you. If I decided to date someone who was sectioned, I’d like to know the background of the situation. I think you’re trying to read way too much into my comment.

Where does self esteem come into it? Do you think people with mental illnesses can't have meaningful, close relationships? They are effected by their illness not defined by it. Like the rest of the population they also have personalities. One of the worse things about having a mental illness must be feeling judged and unworthy of love.

Because it sounds more like you’re referring to a prisoner and I wonder if you see the situations as the same.

Personally I think you could be a friend to someone who was sectioned, that you haven’t ruled out dating. But I don’t think you should date him now.

Dating is unsettling, you have to be able to end it with him at any point. If that was me I’d be worried that I could upset his recovery at this vulnerable time.

Someone would only be sectioned under MH act if they need urgent help and won’t go voluntarily to a psychiatric ward and they are a danger to themselves or others. It’s not something that is done lightly. My brother has been sectioned a few times. Would I date someone who had been sectioned? No.

Well said.

@UnnomdeplumeYes because people who are sectioned couldn’t possibly get on well with a ‘normal’ person, could they?! Being all mentally ill and all that 🥴🫪😵‍💫 My god the ignorance…..

Concentrate on getting yourself better. You'll end up taking on this man's problems because you'll see them as 'worse' than yours and that could make you even more unwell then you are now.

I obviously don’t, especially as previously mentioned I have first hand experience with people who suffer from mental illness, have been sectioned, have been through psychosis……………….

Is he manic? My stepmum (before she met my dad) used to arrange dates with random men when she was inpatient. It was poor decision making from the mania. Don’t meet him til he’s stable.

Please don’t. I did this once. The knock on effects lasted years. Please don’t.