AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

I would be worried that you might start to feel responsible for his mental wellbeing. This adds a layer of pressure to the early days of a relationship. What if he starts to depend on you and you realise after a few weeks or months that you don’t want to pursue a long-term relationship? It feels fraught with danger for both of you

Quite honestly, I think people that suffer with MH issues are often 'nicer' people. They feel so much more than knobbers that can just shrug stuff off.

Nothing wrong with being friends and putting a year limit to see how things are then before changing it if you want to @babypickles

My DH was suffering horribly when I met him. He had dealt with some horrific stuff at work (job) then his Mum died and he couldn't bounce back. We talked and talked for hundreds of hours and totally bonded.

We've been together 24 years and he has never relapsed. He is a wonderful human being. I could see that in him when I met him and that the illness was a stinking wet heavy overcoat he was wearing only. Nothing to do with his soul or personality.

I didn't fix him. He did that himself.

My best friend has been sectioned under the MH act multiple times. I would be very wary of anyone choosing to date them while under an active section as it goes without saying they are vulnerable at that time.
When unwell boundaries get blurred and attachments can become unhealthy. I don't think it is a wise thing to do. A friendship with firm boundaries could potentially develop into more further down the line if he gets well and stable, but I don't think it would be the right thing to do now.

Trauma bonding never works out well. You admit you’re not even physically attracted to him but that you share trauma and he’s ’emotionally available’. He’s incredibly vulnerable and if you met at a support group, I’d hazard a guess you are too. Why even go there? You must see this is a disaster waiting to happen. Say he gets too much so you break it off, what would that do to his already fragile self esteem? Don’t do this.

Please read the mental health act. The act of sectioning someone is taking away their consent, that's why it's so scary to be sectioned (ask me how I know)

Walk away. You get one chance at life. Why purposely make it desperately hard?

How does being in Section 3 mean someone is less likely to have a strong support network?? 28 days goes really quickly. Some of that may have been unmedicated and then they may be trying out different medications and doses.

Do you have a thing about "saving" people? Because that never ends well.

It doesn’t automatically mean that. It can mean that, as someone who can return to a stable and supportive home life can be a candidate to do some recovery at home.

FFS !!

Taking away consent is nothing to do with capacity. They are two different things. I worked with the mental health act for over twenty years. Being sectioned absolutely does not mean you have no capacity to make your own decisions, but that the choice has been taken away from you for whatever reason that led to your sectioning.

Quite honestly, you'd be as loopy as him.

We’re talking about someone ill enough to be sectioned under the mental health act. Do you really think the term ‘loopy’ is appropriate ? How would you feel if that was applied to your partner, or a member of your family ? Most people struggle with mental health at some point in their lives and I would hope that they would not be thought of as ‘loopy’ for needing/seeking help.

I didn't imply that.

MN currently deluged by posters with suspect posts. That's all.

We don't all have to tiptoe around mental health issues and always have to be extremely serious about them. There can be irreverence.

A close family friend had to be sectioned a couple of decades ago because of her behaviour, some of which was actually very funny. It turned out that she has bipolar disorder and has been on medication ever since which enabled her to live a normal life and be very successful.

She herself refers to that period of her life as the time when she was a total loopy nutcase who had to be put in the loony bin and is happy for others to refer to when she was mad etc.
So taking an actual mentally ill person's lead, no I don't have a problem using that phrase.

Please watch season 6 episode 10 of sex and the city where Carrie does exactly this!

Emotionally available or emotionally unstable more like. No, do not date someone who is currently sectioned. Unless you want to turn your life into a living hell.

It’s not about being harsh about people with mental health struggles, it’s about being aware how unwell you need to meet the criteria for detention under the mental health act (risk to self or to others or from others ie very vulnerable- normally very very depressed and risk to self or psychosis) It’s one thing supporting an existing friend or partner through this and another starting dating. He’s leave has to be approved for him to even leave escorted and will be for set times/areas. You could keep lightly in touch and see what happens later

Agree 100% i often use terms like crazy, insane, fruit loop after acting like an absolute nutcase. I also have bipolar and bpd and some of the things I've done are completely batshit crazy and I'm the first to admit it.

Please tell me you don't have children op

He is so unwell he has been sectioned. Is this a joke post? Obviously you dont date him.

Since dating people you meet in a support group is fairly unethical, you don't need to hurt anyone's feeling by telling him that you don't think it would be appropriate under those circumstances.

I met my DP in a support group. There was no rules about relationships at all.

Are you getting support group confused with group therapy? They are totally different.

Be friends. It's not a good time to be starting a new relationship, he needs to be focusing on his recovery, new relationships, even great ones can be very overwhelming and destabilising. You can reassess things for you both in a few months when things have hopefully settled a bit..

I never considered that meeting someone at a support group was unethical. The support group organises social events etc. It’s not a therapy setting.

Also, I’m not dating him.