AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

@babypickles seeing as you met him through a support group what is your mental health like. And don’t answer that , I’m asking rhetorically. I just want
you to think could you cope with a vulnerable partner if your mental health is also less than stable?

It seems that some people can’t read.

I met him at a group therapy session. I’m not hanging around hospitals preying on the vulnerable.

We have since chatted on WhatsApp. We have similar trauma. I have never been sectioned myself but I’ve been unwell at times so we have relatable issues.

I don’t want to fix him. I don’t want him to fix me.

It was him who said he would like to date me. I’m not pursuing him. I’m actually pretty guarded about things because I’m aware of his vulnerabilities.

We get on really well. I would be more than happy to have him in my life as a friend.

And to the person who said I seem like hard work. Really ?

It's hard to comment without knowing more.

I was admitted to hospital for severe PND, I started on medication, received support from a psychologist and stabilised. This doesn't in anyway mean I wouldn't be capable of being a loving and supportive partner, made a full recovery.

A close friend had bipolar and takes her meds but has struggled to maintain a relationship - when she goes through relapses she needs space to be on her own to recharge and recover, sometimes for days or weeks, she isn't able to speak to or engage with others during these phases, and partners have found that hard, and the emotional ups and down of relationships are also destabilising for her, so she has chosen to remain single.

This person may have had a single mental health episode triggered by a trauma and may make a full recovery. Or they may continue to need medication but be able to fully function with this. Or they may be in an unstable cycle?

@babypickles Given that you have similar issues OP, you might be the right person to understand him and his circumstances better than others. I think you need to first be friends and obviously let him settle in his new living arrangement. Take it slowly, keep yourself safe and see how it goes.

What an utterly horrible response. What’s your knowledge of people who have been sectioned? Why do you also mention homelessness? Let’s hope you and your close one’s never experience something like this.

Be his friend for now op. It’s always good to have contacts who have been through something similar. He will probably be quite fragile for a while but you will likely be a good support for each other if you keep to some boundaries.

This
I am not against dating someone who has been sectioned. Mental health crisis can happen to anyone..
I feel it would be better to wait for crisis to recover

Yes my gut feeling is to be friends at least for now. I just don’t want to lead him on. I can discuss this with him though.

Am I being delusional ?

Yes. You aren't supposed to date anyone from support groups. It's one of the main rules as you could spiral each other. Walk away.

This would wildly depend on why he’s sectioned for me and his relationship history.

What do you mean why? The reasons people get sectioned are pretty benign. Refusal of treatment, potential danger to themselves or others. It’s not like going to prison where there is some potential moral judgement to be made. It’s medical treatment.

My god, I have been sectioned many times and at no time was there was any question about me being able to consent to a relationship. "Can he consent?".. fucking hell.

Personally, I would be waiting until they were home, because when you are in hospital, the priority should be getting well and not forming a new romantic relationship. Although there is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship when you are in hospital.. it would just be an extra pressure.
Maybe just be friends for now and see how things go.
Good luck.

Well I don’t want to go into the precise details but he doesn’t have a “condition” it was a breakdown in MH due to past trauma/ circumstances.

What? This literally happens every day. Why do you think it’s so outrageous?

I can't see what the harm in having a date with him would be. It's not as if you are moving him in with your DC and marrying him next week. You are aware of his issues and are accordingly wary - this is a healthy sign. As long as you can keep appropriate boundaries and are in a good state mentally yourself, and you like his company, then why not?

Re read my post - "which YOU could pretend to be outraged by". As in moaning about people being judgemental/harsh, when actually it's irrelevant because this isn't a real story.
Not engaging further - as they say, don't feed the troll.

If this is genuine, then I’d walk away, No point in looking for stress. 🤷‍♀️

Harsh and unkind. Deeply lacking in insight or understanding of mental health problems and it's extremes..
I sincerely hope that you or anyone you know needs mental health crisis intervention. Your crass views belong to the dark ages that are thankfully lessening

Hard work how exactly?

You're just trotting out an annoying MN cliché.

Never needs

Who do you think you are?

It’s not a prank. Many people have MH issues and shock horror some get sectioned. No one is immune you know.

YANBU to date someone who has recovered and previously was sectioned. But I wouldn’t start a new relationship whilst someone was very unwell. It’s not fair to either of you.

Good lord, even mentally unwell people need love in their life Obviously OP will need to give him the space to recover, get back into life outside hospital, and see if he still feels the same about her, but all that assumed, why not? Lots and lots and lots of people have been sectioned at various points in their life. Are they all to be cast on the MN scrap heap? I expect someone will be along in a minute to warn you that he'll never be "a good provider", OP. I would just leave the thread and use your own judgement about this.

Why is it obviously made up?