AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

I wouldn't date him right now, build up a friendship first.

It’s not true that everyone sectioned is there under a court order. The doctor can make that decision.

I honestly don’t think it’s a question of writing him off. Mental health is not the same as a physical health condition - even a serious or chronic one. I have a family member who has bipolar disorder and life can be very very tough at times. Op needs to be sure she could cope.

It’s not true that everyone sectioned is there under a court order. The doctor can make that decision.

I think if him being detained was a recent thing you should just continue to be friends until he's been able to have more help and been stable for longer.

If it was a while ago and he's alright now and has been for while and you are compatible and want to see where it leads then go for it but do be aware that the issues that have happened in the past could come up again but being sectioned doesn't make someone a bad person nor a bad partner.

Honestly OP, I wouldn’t. I’ve had mental health issues in the past and have experience in the MH field and I wouldn’t voluntarily put myself in this position.

I may sound selfish but being in a relationship with someone with serious MH issues can be difficult and exhausting. Two people with MH issues can relate and understand each other but there are also then two people with their own trauma and conflicting needs.

if you have children @babypicklesthen I would say absolutely not. It’s not fair to choose to put them in a position where they might experience someone in their lives who could be unpredictable.

I’m saying this because I have the experience I do and I just wouldn’t choose it myself.

Lots of men out there. You don’t need one that’s been sectioned hun

And yet again mh is not considered an illness just like you can be put into hospital for an illness. Guess what folks there's a hospital for your mind aswell as your hospital for your broken legs, pneumonia problems etc, where you will stay for treatment for a length of time to get fixed. This does not always make you vulnerable or insane either

Doctors don’t need a court order to section someone under the mental health act. The most common sectioning is civil, and can be for a variety of reasons, and means the patient can be treated regardless of consent. A team of professional medics can section someone where appropriate, or police have powers to remove someone to a place of safety. A court order is only necessary if someone has committed a criminal act.

I have a friend who has previously been sectioned due to a mental health illness. That itself wouldn't put me off but he will need recovery time once released. I would firstly build up a friendship whilst he recovers and then see what happens. You may at minimum get an amazing friendship out of it.

If he’s sectioned he can’t come out for a date with you !

You can have leave when on section if it is suitable. I did, and spent it at home in bed with my partner. He was not "preying" on me.
Over night leave is often encouraged as a way to get people used to being back out again.

I asked this on page1 and OP hasn’t answered it but it’s fundamental to answer this question in knowledge of his current situation.

Emergency section- 72 hours he’s so unwell he probably doesn’t know his own name. No way should someone be interrupting his recovery with a relationship

section 2- up to 28 days as above pretty much applies, although he will be stabilising and allowed day release etc as he starts to get better. Still very vulnerable

section 3 - up to 6 months and seems the most likely one as op has met him out at meetings etc. this is for people who need longer to recover or don’t have support at home to recover. The mental break that caused the section is obviously something that happened to 6 months ago.
Whilst this makes him the least “vulnerable” it does indicate he’s struggled go stabilise with medication and doesn’t have a strong support network. However I don’t think we can say he’s too vulnerable for a relationship, I don’t think that’s fair.

He is really an extraordinary person.
In what ways is he extraordinary?

This man is mentally unwell.

He has been sectioned, so yes, he is vulnerable, and frankly, it's strange you are pursuing a new relationship with someone in such a delicate time in their life.

Of course he can. You can get time out of the hospital as soon as the psychiatrist approves it. You just have to come back for sleep and meds.

I think be VERY clear that you value him as a friend and only that

This man is so vulnerable, but still human! Still capable of falling in love etc

The key thing is, hes not your type physically. If you were going to do this, you'd need to be 100% and you definitely aren't

Yabu but I think that youre not at all a bad person - I've been to rock bottom - to be spoken to and seen as an equal, as worthy of being a friend, can mean so much.

Wish you both the best x

Yes that is my gut feeling. (About him being vulnerable).
He is really an extraordinary person. He’s very self aware and open. Again I’m aware that “real life” could present completely differently than WhatsApp exchanges.
I don’t want him to feel hurt or rejected but I will be honest with him about my concerns.

I work in MH services. Yes, there but for the grace of God when it comes to mental health, but neither of you seem to be in a position to engage in a healthy, mutually supportive relationship - especially if his past trauma is still having such an enormous impact on his health. You’d be doing both of you a disservice by entering into a relationship.

Youre being incredibly naive. Hes very ill, too ill to realise hes ill so has been sectioned.

His ability to present as emotionally available is troubling, you dont want an emotional entanglement with him. And its not really fair to him either when hes so poorly. All his therapists and MH support would advise both of you against it

Love how the vultures on MN can write their own narratives.

I think it’s best that I be open with him and say for now we should remain as friends for now. I don’t want anyone getting hurt.

Yes he does have the ability to leave for a few hours per day. Not that I’m suggesting these opportunities should be “dates”. It would feel wholly inappropriate!

Apologies for using the term court order. My relative was detained under a section which was only very temporary for MH which then had to be extended under a different section by a court for further treatment. I don’t remember the time scales anymore for each type of section.

My point was: sectioning is against the patients wishes, and therefore indicates that despite the fact he has been deemed to be a risk, he doesn’t see this for himself. Unlike voluntary hospitalisation.

U ok hun?

Have you met him in real life, OP, or was the group therapy online/zoom?

You say he’s not your type, you don’t want to be leading him up the garden path. I’d stick to being good supportive friends for the time being.