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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

416 replies

babypickles · 03/04/2026 14:50

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

OP posts:
andfinallyhereweare · 04/04/2026 21:18

@babypickles the timing doesn’t sound great for either of you. If you rush into it now it may lead to heartbreak, I’d wait until he’s more settled and secure.

FattyMallow · 04/04/2026 21:44

Nothing wrong with dating a person with MHP, just they're a bit needy so it can feel overwhelming if it becomes serious.

I was horrified by comments - nasty people...

MrChesterDrawers · 04/04/2026 21:48

Run....

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 22:44

babypickles · 03/04/2026 14:50

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

You are seriously delusional!

Grendel7 · 04/04/2026 22:50

Itsmetheflamingo · 03/04/2026 15:42

Also think it’s really inappropriate for OP and others to be joking about being delusional 🙄

Not sure what OP expected!

GoldInYourSmile · 04/04/2026 23:44

MoonWoman69 · 04/04/2026 18:52

I worked in MH for 22 years. I'm afraid I wouldn't get involved. He's obviously had severe mental health issues, enough to get sectioned. Which I might add, isn't taken lightly, you have to be in a pretty bad state for that to be put in place.
What do you know about his mental health history? From my experience, it's very very rare for this to be a "one off" so to speak.
I'd steer well clear, because if it is severe enough to be sectioned, any relationship is going to be unpredictable and very damaging on you.
It's one thing being with someone you know all about and them having a mental health crisis, that can happen to the best of people. But to start a relationship with someone you know very little about, then no.

This.

From experience, sadly, this. I tried, knowing his history, but it simply wasn’t enough.

Please be careful OP. Take things slowly and get to know him properly. I’m sure he’s great and he could be worth it, but it won’t be easy.

LoveMinusZeroNoLimit · 05/04/2026 05:42

I would urge extreme caution. I have been hospitalised for m/h reasons several times (back in the 90s). My issues have never been of a psychotic nature, in other words I never lost touch with reality. The people I encountered who had been ‘Sectioned’ were either going through an extreme psychotic episode or a danger to themselves (risk of fatally self harming).

These patients are in a state of serious vulnerability, and very often do not think they should have been detained in this way. This can sometimes mean that they are very keen to talk about the unfairness of their detention. And, whilst I am sure that it can happen that patients have been sectioned without sufficient reason, it is not usual. I don’t know where this person stands in this regard, but the crisis must have had some severity for detention to be on the table.

For both of you, embarking on a romantic attachment would be a very bad idea. In your case, it is very possible (even probable) that their well-being of a precarious nature, requiring the right conditions to be present (meds, lifestyle, support). You need to think very carefully about your ability to support this; being involved with someone with these requirements has the potential to be emotionally draining, with situations that feel impossible to navigate. You may have that capacity. However, it is something you need to be 100% sure of in order to safeguard your own mental health.

In their case, romantic attachments are potentially very harmful indeed. Living with a mental illness can heighten the seeking of a partner for a variety of reasons, up to and including as a day to day support. That’s not to dismiss them, but adding the additional dimension of potentially rocky romantic scenarios could negatively impact their stability.

All this is to say please be very fully informed of such a situation. My personal opinion would be: don’t do it!! For both your sakes.

Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 07:20

@babypickles putting aside all the other reasons why not….

do you accept that the fact you have children makes the very notion of what you started your that about…. An absolute non starter?

babypickles · 05/04/2026 07:23

I’ve asked for this thread to be deleted.

I am sick of repeating myself.

OP posts:
Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 07:25

babypickles · 05/04/2026 07:23

I’ve asked for this thread to be deleted.

I am sick of repeating myself.

Is that grounds for thread deletions these days?

babypickles · 05/04/2026 07:46

Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 07:25

Is that grounds for thread deletions these days?

I’ve no idea. I’ll let the higher powers decide.

in the meantime I won’t be back on the thread as I have provided more information that I originally intended and would rather leave it at that.

OP posts:
Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 07:56

I hope they’d just come back and say “hide the thread if you don’t wish to “keep repeating myself”

Laura95167 · 05/04/2026 08:45

babypickles · 05/04/2026 07:23

I’ve asked for this thread to be deleted.

I am sick of repeating myself.

I think the reason people keep saying the same things is because of jusy how risky this is to you and to him and his recovery.

And I know youre saying "just friends" for now. Thats not no, and may confuse things more than help him get genuinely well. Additionally, will you move on or wait for him. That could cause you long term unhappiness too.

https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/rights-laws-and-criminal-justice/mental-health-laws/mental-health-act/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=220626255&gclid=Cj0KCQjwkMjOBhC5ARIsADIdb3ciJTZXghV5vBe96XXbAqoJZReFW5ybUwSNqGknLqVvzZfSe0QPs8gaAk90EALw_wcB has good resources and advice on why and when someone may be sectioned so you can consider what this shows for his stability and decide for yourself how involved you want to be atm romantically or otherwise.

Good luck

What is the Mental Health Act?

The Mental Health Act (MHA) says when you can be detained in hospital and treated against your wishes. You can be detained if professionals think your mental health puts you or others at risk, and you need to be in hospital. This is sometimes called 'b...

https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/rights-laws-and-criminal-justice/mental-health-laws/mental-health-act?gad_campaignid=220626255&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwkMjOBhC5ARIsADIdb3ciJTZXghV5vBe96XXbAqoJZReFW5ybUwSNqGknLqVvzZfSe0QPs8gaAk90EALw_wcB

coronafiona · 05/04/2026 08:48

I would be careful to take care of yourself, if you get involved with someone so vulnerable you can end up feeling responsible for them and their decisions. I hope he gets well and it all works out for you both.

MissMoneyFairy · 05/04/2026 09:09

babypickles · 05/04/2026 07:23

I’ve asked for this thread to be deleted.

I am sick of repeating myself.

What responses were you hoping to get from here

Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 10:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissMoneyFairy · 05/04/2026 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whether youre being helpful or sarky this is really inappropriate

Jane143 · 05/04/2026 11:36

I’d be wary as he may find it difficult to accept if you have a date and don’t want further. This could add to his problems

Fliesinmyeyes · 05/04/2026 12:47

Some of the responses here are astonishing. Here are some facts.

There is a huge difference between mental health and mental capacity. Somebody with mental health issues is deemed to have capacity unless they are assessed under the Mental Capacity Act and deemed not to.

Somebody sectioned under the MH Act is not necessarily in hospital. They may be being treated at home under a Community Treatment Order. Don't assume they are in a locked ward in a psychiatric hospital. (though some are)

There are far too many reasons for why people are sectioned, to be able to make an objective statement about their ability to conduct a relationship. Everybody is different. Response to treatment is different, reasons for the detention vary dramatically. There is no definitive answer to the OPs question, but the ignorance shown in some of the responses is frightening.
.
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Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 13:39

MissMoneyFairy · 05/04/2026 11:32

Whether youre being helpful or sarky this is really inappropriate

this is the response I suspect the op was wanting when she started the thread 🤷‍♀️

Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 13:40

Fliesinmyeyes · 05/04/2026 12:47

Some of the responses here are astonishing. Here are some facts.

There is a huge difference between mental health and mental capacity. Somebody with mental health issues is deemed to have capacity unless they are assessed under the Mental Capacity Act and deemed not to.

Somebody sectioned under the MH Act is not necessarily in hospital. They may be being treated at home under a Community Treatment Order. Don't assume they are in a locked ward in a psychiatric hospital. (though some are)

There are far too many reasons for why people are sectioned, to be able to make an objective statement about their ability to conduct a relationship. Everybody is different. Response to treatment is different, reasons for the detention vary dramatically. There is no definitive answer to the OPs question, but the ignorance shown in some of the responses is frightening.
.
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If you had read the op you’d see that this man is indeed an in patient

MissMoneyFairy · 05/04/2026 15:07

Whatsnextforbea · 05/04/2026 13:40

If you had read the op you’d see that this man is indeed an in patient

And has been for months so clearly unwell and not in his best interests to start a relationship which I'm sure the staff would agree on.

Ilikesundays · 05/04/2026 18:54

Wait till he has recovered and is no longer under a MHA order. Then decide how you want to progress this relationship.

Hotzenplotz · 05/04/2026 19:50

Personally, I think you'd be better off on Married At First Sight.

Winnie27101981 · 05/04/2026 21:00

Mental Health Nurse with Bipolar here!

I would say no to starting a relationship with him. Be his friend. Depending on why he has been admitted, what section and his treatment plan then he likely would not have the privileges to have many visitors, leave from the unit etc. But whether he is in for the first time, or his tenth and whether is sectioned under 2 or 3 or if it’s a voluntary admission he will not be of sound mind. Be his friend as I am sure that is all he needs right now.

I work on a female forensic unit and whilst very different to an acute unit the concept is the same. Our service users have limited capacity and/or not in the right mind to make important decisions and actually agreeing to “date” him and then it not working out may have an even more detrimental affect on his mental health.

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