AIBU to consider a date with a man who is sectioned under the MH act

[babypickles]

Am I being unreasonable to arrange a date with a guy who is currently sectioned in a mental health facility?

I first met him at a support group and I joined a group WhatsApp. We have been talking for a few months on WhatsApp now (privately) and he is so warm, open and supportive we really get on like a house on fire.

He recently told me he had feelings and would love the opportunity to date me. I wouldn’t say he’s my type in terms of physical appearance but his persona is appealing to me. He is very emotionally available.

Am I being delusional ?

OP has provided many updates. One of them specifically said that it was a local support group through which she has made many friends and it’s not linked to mental health. Her friend has joined the art therapy class and that’s how they met. He’s not confined to the hospital and it may surprise you to know that art therapy can help with many things - general stress, respite from caring duties, recovery from cancer. It’s not just mental health.

So art therapy can help for those issues - which if the reason behind the op attending is one of them - all the more reason not to add yet more to her plate

Was this an inpatient art therapy group, can anyone attend or is it by referral only.

My point in a nutshell

No, absolutely no, no no no would I consider for one minute embarking on a romantic relationship with someone under a mental health order (or one in the past) because no way (none, zilch, nada) do I want to risk the possibility or inviting drama and mental health illness etc further down the line. No chance.

Add what to her plate ? Jesus wept, she’s suggesting nothing more than friendship. Are those with mental health problems not fit to have friends now ?

Great. Happy for you. Can we stop derailing OP’s thread now.

For the love of god read the updates. OP said it was an art therapy class - a support group in which she’s made some friends. This man is not confined to the hospital 24/7 and has joined the group. That’s how they met. It’s via WhatsApp from what OP says.

that doesn’t rule out a referral @DotAndCarryOne2

Ok so….. what new light will you bring to the thread to keep it on track?

No, it doesn't, he's been on a section for a couple of months already and is still undergoing assessments, it doesn't sound like he is anywhere near ready for discharge yet, if he's not moving into his own flat for months. We don't know if he can leave without supervision or what section he is on or why. There will be art classes and therapy in the hospital as well.

Yes, we had one of those too which I used a few times. Was called an Acute Community Unit.
It closed down too. Only stayed open for a year.

Although OP said the group she goes to is run by volunteers, which suggests it is a charity sector run group... Mind or Rethink, as they both run groups in the community. And the art group I go to has someone there who is inpatient at the moment.

Of course it doesn’t - for him. But posters are now questioning whether OP herself has mental health problems and there’s no indication that she does. She clarified that she has never been sectioned but has had similar trauma to her friend so can relate to it.

I wasn’t referring to the man himself, but OP. Some posters are questioning whether OP has mental health problems. She clearly said in an update that she has never been sectioned but has suffered similar trauma to her friend so can relate to it.

But the op could have been referred.

Agree. If she’s been receiving mental health treatment, but there’s nothing in any of her posts to say she has. Perhaps she could clarify.

Op says she's never been sectioned but has been unwell in the past so we don't really know the whole situation. If he has been in hospital for months it may not be the best time to start a relationship but op seems happy to be friends which is great if it's positive for both of them.

Yep. Agree. We all need friends. Sorry if I seem a bit combative but I worked in the area of disability for a long time and the attitudes towards mental health don’t seem to have moved on. I’m not naive enough to believe a friendship or relationship is not without it’s challenges where mental health issues are present, but I’m old enough to know from experience that knowledge is power and going into something with no illusions and some compassion and common sense can bring so many benefits.

I wasn’t “referred” for Art Therapy. It’s just something I thought would be helpful for relaxation and mindfulness. It’s a community social kinda group that has all sorts going on.

The Art Therapy classes are open to anyone and the place isn’t far from the hospital. Maybe I better warn them that all the “nut jobs” may be decending imminently.

My friend is in there for trauma. I don’t want to go into the precise ins and outs however for clarity I’ll say he suffered a terrible loss and spiralled after that.

I’m sorry but I work as a support worker with adults sectioned under the mental health act . I wouldn’t recommend it . Even those that seem on first impressions as functioning well are not really and are very vulnerable

It was me who said that you seemed like hard work.
You said he was ‘warm, open and supportive’.
He literally doesn’t have the capacity to be any of those things at the moment. He cannot be trusted to look after himself (hence his current situation) never mind feel empathy towards others.
By assuming that he can, you are either seriously underplaying how unwell he is, or so desperate to be loved that you feel this is the best you deserve. Either way, it doesn’t end well.

Someone can be in hospital and also be warm, open and supportive. Some of the most supportive people I met when in hospital were other patients.

Unwell people are capable of positive feelings towards other people. It is pretty offensive to suggest that they are not.

My friend is in there for trauma. I don’t want to go into the precise ins and outs however for clarity I’ll say he suffered a terrible loss and spiralled after that.

I can imagine you feel very bad for him but you do not want to start anything based on sympathy.

He is not in the right headspace right now.

No. Relationships are difficult enough.

There’s no guarantees even then. My cousin was sectioned, seemed to get better then a few years later committed suicide.

OP, I would be a supportive friend but wouldn’t get involved romantically.