AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

I’ve said YABU (or rather, he is). He hasn’t actually seen his mum in hospital. There is a big difference between going daily and actually turning up at all. Surely you can see that?
If someone has a contagious disease they would be in a side room not a bay, so your reasoning is not valid either. Most nurses who work in the ward will “have young families” so unless your child is immunocompromised you’re talking crap.

I think you're being heartless and odd

No avoidance of how serious it is? Pneumonia is a massive killer in the elderly.

is she really expected to recover?

My dad died in hospital with pneumonia. Just saying.

Maybe she's worried and just wants to see her son...

Your opening question is disingenuous, he’s not visiting at all, so yes he’s being v unreasonable.

I think you are BU. His mum is unwell in hospital and keen for visitors from those closest to her. Presumably BIL and SIL are visiting? Your DH should take sensible precautions e.g. washing hands, mask if he wants to, but is BU to refuse to visit.

Yes they think she will be home tomorrow hopefully

He's being absolutely horrible and should go and visit his mum.

Every day is a bit excessive, but he could surely manage one visit. Pretty unkind not to really, does not reflect well on him at all.

She was admitted on Monday last week. Every day he’s had calls telling him take a day off go and see her or wanting him to drop things off to her etc . Massive pressure today for him to visit

Depends on if there’s a back story. But he hasn’t actually seen his Mum in hospital has he? And that’s strange frankly.

Very unreasonable not to have visited at all - especially knowing she wants him to. It sounds really mean to me, and I understand the upset this is causing.

HIBU - his poor mum 😢
I hope my children visit me if I was poorly in hospital.

How long has she been there for? Has he not been to see her there at all? I do think it's a bit unreasonable, yes. If my mum were in hospital, I can't imagine not going to visit her at all just because I might catch something! Do they not get on or something?

Heartless and actually quite vile. Glad you’re not my family

He should absolutely go and see his mum today. He’s dodged it long enough.

He should be putting pressure on himself to visit quite frankly.

Monday last week and he hasn't been? What on earth are you talking about?

Is this a reverse?

“We have young dc and don’t want to get ill.”

Is this your view or his?

I cannot imagine my parent being ill in hospital and me not trying to visit as much as possible if I could (distance etc allowing).

It’s his Mum. Pneumonia can get very serious quickly, more so in the elderly.

Do you have health anxiety?

He is not intending to take the kids right so assuming he uses hospital sanitiser, washes hands, changes clothes when home etc I am struggling to understand why you think everyone would get ill.

Hospital is miserable - boring, food not always great, lonely etc. DH should go and see his mum and try to cheer her up a bit, in my opinion.

So she's been in nearly a week? How far away is the hospital?

I went to see my parent in hospital with pneumonia and it was a 6 hour round trip. Not going at all is pretty bad.

I’d feel disappointed in my sibling to be honest. Does he have a hospital phobia or OCD about germs?

She's been in for a week and he hasn't been once? That's awful, he should be ashamed.

No I’ve said to him it’s up to him obviously

He hasn't visted his mother because you are worried you will catch."something" what is that bad that is stopping him visiting his mother, i mean if he is that paranoid he could wear a face mask,

You are both being massively unreasonable. She is ill with pneumonia, you are aware that it can kill people right??

A family member has just spent 3 weeks on a ventilator with pneumonia as it became sepsis. I did a 500 mile round trip every weekend to see her. And for the record I have an serious condition that catching pneumonia could be fatal for as does my dd. But hospital provide masks for a reason.

I am not surprised that your bil and sil are oissed off. I would be too.