AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Such a horrible way to be, one visit is surely possible. 1.5 hours isn't exactly far.

Quite frankly it’s unreasonable for him not to visit MIL at all. Sure who wants to go everyday? He could of visited a couple of times in the evening.

Yes that’s what I said we both feel the same BUT I made sure he knew that it was ultimately his decision and if he did go we would manage that as I’m not in charge of his family relationships that’s entirely up to him the final decision is obviously his

Pathetic. He's a disgrace. And you're as bad for not seeing it.

My daughter is a nurse. She has small children. Maybe I should tell her to stop going to work in case my grandchildren get ill.

YABU- he hasn’t visited his mum once in hospital as he is worried about getting ill? I would be very annoyed if I was his sibling.

This is awful. I’d be horribly ashamed if my husband behaved like this.

Well I guess when you or your dh are stuck in hospital when you're older you shouldn't expect your kids to visit either.

Really shitty behaviour.

No, I don't think its at all reasonable for him to leave his mother in hospital without visitors. It's not just about company it's about bringing in things the patient needs and advocating for them. Obviously because his brother and sister in law are stepping up, fortunately his mother will have this. But it's pretty poor form to leave it all to them.

Wow she must have been an absolute ball bag of an abusive mother for her son to not visit her once while she's been in hospital for two weeks with pneumonia. She could have died.

She's begged her son to visit her, she's asked him to help her and bring her things. But he doesn't want to catch something.

Either he's a nasty, selfish scumbag or she's done something really truly horrible to deserve being treated like this.

I'm really surprised that you thought anyone would agree with you

Obviously nobody but dh really really hates them. He avoids it for himself we’ve had multiple diy accidents where he should have gone and didn’t so I do think he has an aversion / real issue with them.

@sabotaginglizard Pretty disgusting you are encouraging this. .

Was it your idea?

As a mother with adult children, who makes every effort not to be needy or ask them for help, I'd still be devastated to be in hospital for that long and not be visited.

This has really passed me off on a Sunday morning! Having just left hospital myself I cannot tell you how welcome my one visitor was in the shirt time I was there. They bought me a cup of tea which was heaven considering I has missed the tea trolley and there were only two cups a day, one at 8am and one at 4pm. They refilled my water and passed it to me and kept it within my reach. Something the nurses were too busy to do. They helped me get some clothes on when I was still stuck in hospital gown and no pants from the day before! They found my phone charger and plugged it in. All these tiny things you simply cannot do for yourself and are so reliant on help from other people. Not to mention keeping track of health information, bringing nice food and drink and a card or small bunch of flowers. Or none of the above and simply some company and a hand hold.
Jesus your husband sounds miserable and I hope he looks after you better in your old age. He should be very ashamed of himself and its no wonder his siblings are angry at him.
P.s. I am quite sure this is a reverse!

How about you look at this another way OP? You’re in hospital in several years time and your children don’t visit you? How would you feel?

You both sound heartless, I’m genuinely surprised you’re asking about this. Poor show.

She’s been getting better and is likely going to be discharged tomorrow so dh said he felt he wasn’t needed other than to be company so that SIL/BIL didn’t have to go and he felt he could call her daily rather than visit or either of us take time off work

Hang on, has he visited her in hospital AT ALL? Your OP says daily, and of course it’s not necessary to go every day. But he would be horribly unreasonable not to visit at all

Wow. Imagine this was you in years to come OP, and one of your children didn’t think it was worth a trip to see you in hospital. I think this is really really sad. His poor mum.

Good lord, I can't believe that you haven't been. I'd be royally pissed off too, if you were my sibling. Pull your weight with your parent - I'm sue the in laws have got lives too.

When my dad was in hospital I was there for both visiting times, every day. If I had worked, I would have at least been down there every night but tbh there wasn't anyone else to do it. I couldn't have left him there a whole day with nothing to look forward to.

But I loved my dad and appreciated him so, I guess we're all different.

Kids get ill, they pick up colds and viruses from school and nursery and they are highly unlikely to get sick from a hospital ward, your husband not visiting his mother is awful he should go and see her

YABU and HIBU. When FIL was in recently, DH was doing a full day’s work, travelling over an hour to get to the hospital to see his dad and THEN travel home afterwards. He worked with SIL to ensure that neither one of them was overburdened whilst ensuring their dad had someone looking in on him. And yes, both us and SIL have families whom we would not want to get ill. No wonder your BiL and SIL are pissed off.

I can understand not visiting daily if 1.5 hours away but not once is really bad, and for the reason given

You both sound heartless, self centered and selfish.