AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Sounds like he has an aversion to his mother too. I don’t understand how anyone could live with their conscience over this. No one likes hospitals or wants to be there, but their love and care for the people there override this. It’s dreadful behaviour.

But he's not been in the last two weeks?

Ah well, given that you're both on the same page, maybe one day karma will strike and you'll both end up old and seriously ill on a hospital ward for weeks with one of your children refusing to come visit you because they don't "do" hospitals.

Isn't that a lovely thought to keep you all warm and toasty inside? 😊

You're being horrible. Last time my mum was in hospital it was planned surgery. I booked accommodation and my brother and I both stayed two days to support her and Dad. When my dad was admitted with a suspected stroke I happened to already be there. DB dropped everything and drove 3 hours to be there and SIL took time off too to facilitate it so childcare was covered.

I can't imagine just shrugging my shoulders and saying "sorry Mum, I know you're really ill and everything but I don't really like hospitals and it's a bit tedious the kids picking up bugs so I can't be arsed".

He is such an awful person, this really does show you both for what you are. One visit and he couldn't manage it. Just one visit. For his mum. I'd tell him to get in the car now.

Do your children go to school?
Do they go to soft plays/indoor activities/other friends houses?
Do you and your husband go to work?
Do you go out for meals/drinks?

If the answer is yes to these questions then you can go to the bloody hospital.

Geeeez

One of my DC is immunocompromised. My dad spent a week in hospital in Jan. I visited every day. Just took sensible precautions. So if I can do it he can manage an hour at her bedside. But let’s be honest the DC thing is just an excuse.

I imagine his siblings could have done with the support as well. I’m the only child of my dad’s that lives nearby and it’s hard never having any backup so I imagine there’s a bit of resentment from them. I hope he realises this has probably done serious damage to his relationships with them.

She’s been in for about a week (went in mon will be out tomorrow)

One of my DC is immunocompromised. My dad spent a week in hospital in Jan. I visited every day. Just took sensible precautions. So if I can do it he can manage an hour at her bedside. But let’s be honest the DC thing is just an excuse.

I imagine his siblings could have done with the support as well. I’m the only child of my dad’s that lives nearby and it’s hard never having any backup so I imagine there’s a bit of resentment from them. I hope he realises this has probably done serious damage to his relationships with them.

I know, what an example to show them.

Honestly, grow up.

I ‘really’ hated hospitals too but got over it pretty quick when my son had cancer. You don’t get to choose when you have loved ones who need you.

Unless you are a selfish arse.

You say it’s his decision but you clearly don’t think he’s being unreasonable otherwise you would be telling him in no uncertain terms.

So you’re happy to let others do all the heavy lifting cos feelings.

You're not covering yourself in any glory after this update!

Your DH is a selfish arse, he should have visited, even once to give his siblings a break from visiting. If he was my DH, I’d think less of him.

Wow this is awful. Not only would husband be going to visit his mum but I would and I would take the children to as well. No one likes hospitals. That is not an excuse and neither is being worried about catching something in the context you have given

I think he should go in today, if he waits until she is home both his mum and sibling will remember this. It will change their relationship going forward.

Are you down with the possibility that one day YOU might be seriously ill in hospital and he can't be arsed to visit you either because he doesn't like hospitals, @sabotaginglizard ?

@sabotaginglizard it’s awful IMHO that he hasn't made time to visit her. A 1.5 hour trip is not much to see his mum in hospital.

I echo others who say I hope if I were ill in hospital for a week (or almost two) my DC would visit. And I agree that people in hospital need support beyond chat – practical things like fresh food, clean clothes, someone to help with making sure all is well (not easy when you are ill).

ETA my questions were answered sorry. I still think it's poor.

@OriginalSkang I think it’s only been 6 days but that’s still not good though.

@sabotaginglizard he should definitely go today. It’ll brighten up his mother’s day and he’ll face up to her mortality.

Absolutely this, watch how he treats his mum. It’s a big tell.

You and your DH are coming across very poorly here. But you seem not to take on board any of the points people are making. Why post?

Being in hospital is horrid. People look for their visitors every day. I think you are cruel and selfish.

I assume your BIL and SIL are childless, don’t work and have no commitments of their own so they are completely free to do everything, whilst you just crack on with your normal routine then?

It’s probably not a work day for him today. Encourage him to go today. He might get over his thing about hospitals. If you or children needed a stay in hospital, would you say ‘oh don’t worry about visiting me/them, I know you don’t like hospitals’?

why didnt he go
what a mean couple you sound

I think it’s already changed their relationships for the worse.