AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

He’s being lazy and/or daft - thousands of parents of young children have to visit parents in hospital or indeed end up in hospital themselves. As long as he takes sensible precautions the chances of him catching anything are infinitesimally small. I’m team BIL on this.

So he has health anxiety?

Yabu - his poor mum! Young kids get all kinds of viruses from childcare anyway unless you have a day old newborn you’re being extremely cold.

She’s been there a week and he hasn’t visited? How far away from the hospital do you live?

Do you honestly think everyone who has young children doesn’t visit people in hospital?

This is very self-absorbed and a little strange. Does your DH have a sister or a brother or both? Do they have young children?

@sabotaginglizard Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses

Do you understand how hospitals work? If people have contagious illnesses, they are put in isolation rooms, where you need to gown up to go in. You de gown on exit. This is not a concern with the ward your MiL is in, so you are not being sensible, you are being ridiculous.

I suppose if he has a bad relationship with her it's understandable, otherwise I think it's really cold and quite selfish. Imagine if his sibling took the same approach. She'd presumably have no visitors.

Wild horses couldn't keep me away if my mum was in hospital, I'd do whatever I could to help.

Someone needs to be visiting every day. Wards are understaffed and I wouldn’t want to leave someone I loved without a daily visit. When I visited my Dad daily I ended up sorting out medication blunders, pain relief, toileting and feeding. This alongside general well being support. I’m sorry but I think it’s awful leaving someone without at least one visit a day.

You said

“we have young DC and dont want to get ill” as the reason for not going.

Does he have health anxiety?

I would think less of my DH if he did this, truthfully.

There’s a happy medium between daily and ‘at some point while she’s there’! She’s been in a week and he hasn’t been yet? That’s odd. He’s avoiding her because he’s scared of facing her frailty I presume. Suspect his siblings see that he’s about to shirk the hard yards in late life eg care duties, sorting out a support/ a home etc, because he won’t face up to it and it will all fall on them

Yeh, yabu. He absolutely should have gone.

If there is genuinely an immunosuppressed child or someone in your household is contagious and worried about passing it on then he should have been calling daily to check in. Offering to pick up essentials to drop at reception. Video call to see the kids?

If he's dont nothing then I agree with his siblings, he should be ashamed.

Would be totally unreasonable for him to be expected to go everyday.
But he's being unreasonable to not want to visit at all, she has been in a week and clearly unwell enough to be in hospital.

It's awful. No wonder his siblings are pissed off.

Your title is very different to the reality. 'every day' has nothing to do with it, she's been in 6 days & he hasn't visited once

He hasn't actually been to see his own mother in hospital?

I remember visiting relatives in hospital as a child as well as an adult. You just have to be sensible and wash hands after. Generally, if you are well and have a good immune system its unlikely you will catch anything whilst in there.

So he’s not planning to visit her in hospital at all?! I find that shocking and selfish. No wonder the rest of the family are chasing him.

unless you’re about to drip feed an immune deficiency there’s no excuse. I say this as someone who travelled all over to visit their mum in hospital.

Monday last week is nearly two weeks

She’s been in hospital a week and he’s not been to see her once? Sorry that’s absolutely horrible behaviour and I would be appalled at anyone who acted like this.

If I were you I wouldn’t be able to look at him I’d be so angry and embarrassed.

I work in a hospital with 20,000 staff, some of them have small children and yet going to work daily . He’s being selfish

I’d expect him to coordinate with his siblings to make sure she’s visited every day. His reasons for not going are pathetic.

You're both being very unreasonable and selfish. His poor DM lying there in hospital with nothing to do and her own DS refusing to go and see her in case HE gets ill!

A few key pieces of info are missing. How far away are you? How old is his mum? Is she usually fit & active or do his siblings also pick up the bulk of caring activities?

Not visiting everyday is fine. Not visiting at all, even when she's specifically asked him to, is horrible.

Fair enough not to go every day, but not to go at all? That’s really unreasonable and unjustifiable. His poor mum.

Why does your title suggest he’s expected every day when actually it’s about visiting at all? Yes he should go to visit, to provide his mum with some company and also to provide some respite to BIL - presumably his refusal to go means it’s all up to them which is completely unfair.

Your excuses/reasons are ridiculous. Have some empathy.