AIBU to think DH is reasonable not visiting MIL daily in hospital?

[sabotaginglizard]

MIL is unwell (pneumonia) and in hospital on a standard ward. Other patients there have a variety of illnesses it seems to be a general rather than pneumonia ward. So some may have contagious illnesses.

DH is getting pressure to visit daily. He saw her the day before she was admitted and plans to see her when she’s home - BIL and SIL are really getting annoyed about this. We have young dc and don’t want to get ill. They are saying DH is not helping and that MIL wants to see him. Hes messaged her and called her and said he will see her when she’s home ? AIBU to think hes being perfectly reasonable and sensible ?

Oh right, you said Monday last week before

I still think it's pretty disgusting not to visit in that time

Hand him a white feather and tell him to do the hard thing and get the fuck in there. She suffered pain and risked death or life changing injury to carry and give birth to him- as every woman does who has children. It's payback time.

As a PP has pointed out, is he planning to shirk his responsibilities and dump them on his siblings and their partners as his mother gets older ?

So he didn’t think siblings needed a break. Will he be expecting them to look after her when she is home too?

His mum has been seriously ill in hospital and he hasn't visited her once? And hasn't thought about the strain on DB/SIL who have been juggling their lives to make sure she has someone pop in to see her?

Your DH is not alone in despising hospitals, but he is alone in being incredibly selfish. I would be so disappointed in my DP if he showed himself to be so uncaring towards his mum.

If you were in hospital for a week, would you expect your children to visit you?

So "he really hates hospitals"? What a ridiculous comment. Do you think other people enjoy them?

I would lose every ounce of respect I had for DH if he made flimsy excuses not to visit a parent in hospital and I would never forgive a sibling for not doing so.

Your DH is, frankly, a disgrace and you should be ashamed of him although ypu come across as not being terribly bothered.

I think most families would arrange for siblings to rota visits so that mum had a visitor every day. The argument about contagious conditions is rubbish.

perhaps he can bring her back to her house from hospital, clean her house, buy her flowers, cook her some meals, and make up for his rotten behaviour

I have a feeling the OP is sat laughing at these replies. You can tell her attitude a mile off.

His mother has been in hospital got a week and he hasn’t been to see her? That awful OP. Imagine if that was you in the future.

I’m gobsmacked you think him not visiting is ok. Couldn’t be with someone so heartless tbh.

Agree to be honest, I wouldn’t forgive my siblings for this very quickly 😓

Six days ago. He saw her last Sunday as usual (he drives to see her every Sunday/Monday depending on his work schedule) so he said he will see her tomorrow as that’s his day this week. I think as well he’s just sticking to his schedule

YANBU about not going daily but YABU about him not going at all. When my Dad was in hospital I got the train and visited him once a week, my brother did the same and Mum did all the other days. He really should visit her, it doesn't have to be every day but regularly while she is there.

OP has said 1.5hrs away. She's his mum. It doesn't matter whether she's usually fit or not or how old she is! She's his mum.

When someone’s in hospital there are logistical matters that need to be dealt with. Practical things like changes of clothing, food, taking in new magazines, etc. and your husband has left it to his family. It’s no wonder they’re annoyed.

Q

why?
the pneumonia interfered with his schedule?
what a weird couple you are

She’s 67 usually fit and well. He sees her once a week for the day usually

Wow. I find it hard to believe people would be this lacking in self awareness.
Good job SIL/BIL are doing the decent thing- but I wouldn’t be having a relationship with you after this if I were them.
You both seem perfectly happy to allow them to carry the weight of the visiting while you carry on being egocentric and self-absorbed.
You come across as being uncaring and selfish people- usually how people present is not confined to one situation. I imagine this attitude and behaviour will be reflected across your relationships generally. So the family won’t be surprised. And there will be a limit to how often they put up with it I would imagine.

He should have gone at least once even if that was just to allow his siblings to have a day off visiting.

You both sound very selfish.

So presumably, if it was YOU in hospital, you’d be fine with your husband not coming to see you in case the kids got sick?

but unusually she is not fit or well

What illness would he risk visiting her for? How near death’s door?

She is probably very hurt that he didn't visit, and BIL & SIL tired and upset from carrying the full burden of it. Will DH be offering any additional support when she gets out of hospital? He could offer to drive her home, visit, help with meals etc...