DP attitude post vasectomy driving me mad

[bobthebuilder03]

I'm not posting and running, I'll likely reply properly in the morning!

DP had a vasectomy on friday. he is in pain, I’m not denying that. he’s quite swollen and bruised and moving very gingerly. he has also openly said before he’s not the best with pain and can be a bit dramatic with it which probably isn’t helping how I’m viewing this. The last surgery he had was his wisdom teeth removed whilst I was pregnant with youngest and he was complaining about the pain and every part of it which was frustrating. I am usually sympathetic when he's ill though as he does suffer badly with asthma so I don't dislike him and in not being horrible and unsympathetic towards him

our house is awkward at the best of times. 3 storey, kitchen on the bottom, living room on the middle floor and bedrooms at the top so everything involves stairs. not ideal when you’ve just had that done, I do get it.

yesterday he mostly rested which I thought was fair enough. his brother came round (they’re less than a year apart) and made a few comments which rubbed me up the wrong way tbh. things like he’d never have it done, what if we split up and he wants kids with someone else etc. DP sort of laughed but also didn’t exactly shut it down. for context DP is 34 and it was mainly his idea anyway as I can’t use hormonal contraception and we were fed up with condoms after a false positive scare last summer.

today I went out for a bit and he stayed home with our youngest (12, perfectly happy on his xbox and doesn’t need supervising every second). DP basically rested and gamed too which again, fine.

but his attitude towards me is what’s getting to me now. he’s really snappy. I’ll ask if he’s ok and get “well obviously not” or if I don’t jump up immediately he’ll sigh or go “forget it then”. earlier I said I’d just sat down after going up and down twice already and he went “sorry for being inconvenient after surgery” in that tone.

and the constant asking honestly I don’t think I’ve sat down for more than 5 mins this evening. as soon as I sit it’s can you get me another ice pack, can you grab me a drink, can you bring snacks. I don’t mind helping but it’s relentless and he doesn’t think ahead at all, like asking for one thing at a time knowing full well I have to go down two flights each time.

I did say could you maybe ask for a couple of things at once or tell me before I sit down and he got funny and said I clearly don’t understand how uncomfortable he is and that I’m being a bit unsympathetic.

I feel like I’ve been quite patient but I’m starting to feel more like a skivvy than a partner tbh, especially with the tone he’s taking.

AIBU to be annoyed at his attitude rather than the actual situation?

I think if the surgery was only on Friday, I would let him be a dying swan until after the weekend. After that, he can start mobilising and set up his own snack pile etc in closer proximity to the bathroom where possible. Re: his attitude, maybe remind him he catches more flies with honey, and if you're doing such a terrible job, his shit-stirring brother can come round and help? No?

You don’t have kids do you @beAsensible1 ?

Why don’t you ask him if what his brother said has upset him?

My DH had his done 6 years ago when our kids were 3 and 6. I went on my works Christmas do the following night (and he was fine with that) but my mum did come round and help him while I was out. If I remember rightly it was at least 3 days until he was more comfortable walking.

I reckon @beAsensible1 's idea is pretty sensible,
It shows kindness and will stop him asking for stuff so the OP wins anyway as she can have a rest. It's a win win surely?

It's 40 years since DH had his vasectomy, the second day I had a GP appointment regarding a chest infection.
Our baby was 6 months old so DH came into the room to keep the baby occupied.
The GP was a family friend after sorting me out he asked DH how he was doing.
DH told him about the vasectomy and the GP gave him a sick note for 2 weeks.

What a weird remark.

My husband was in a lot of pain after his vasectomy. It turned out he had a haematoma, ended up on antibiotics and signed off work for 2 weeks.

Your husband should have shut his brother down, rather than saying nothing. It looks as if you pushed him into a vasectomy, which clearly isn't true.

He needs to take regular painkillers. However, if he's still in a lot of pain in a few days and swollen, he may need to see his GP. As for you running around after him, he's only on day 2...it won't be for too much longer.

“Make a fuss for a week” you think that’s sensible? DH had his on the Saturday and was back at work on the Monday, he laid off the treadmill for a week or 2. I do appreciate people experience things differently but I’ve no doubt some of these men are milking it and I would find it really hard to tolerate.

I concur, the voice of reason.

Him and his brother both sound like bellends to me, OP

Indulging someone for a week… ridiculous

but I think starting a thread about someone the day after an operation is a bit harsh

Because this level of.. of make a fuss of him for a week, indulge his every whim can only come from someone who isn’t also balancing a partner with children

Yeh he’s a knob. I’m annoyed just reading this! Stop pandering to him so much and get on with your life. You presumably had a several kilo baby coke out of your vagina or a large incision in your abdomen. A vasectomy is quite minor. I had a nose operation and was quite capable of getting anything I needed for myself and mostly looking after a young child!

But women are designed for that. The poor lamb has had his manhood took from him. Mental pain there. He will be alright when the bruising has gone and he comes looking for a shag to 'see if it still works'. It will!

You have a brother-in-law problem. Tell him to butt out.

When my OH had his vasectomy we were booked into a singing weekend. He had the op done on the Friday, arrived by train to the event (I was already there and picked him up from the station) and joined in for the next 2 days - fending off the jokes from those in the know about singing castrato!

No fuss, no bother .........

I have two kids and I think her suggestions are very sensible 🤷‍♀️ It seems as if people on this thread are competing to be as unpleasant and uncaring as possible, I don’t really understand it.

I know everyone is different but when DH had his vasectomy he nevwer whinged and went back to his manual job 2 days later. He is not a baby about illness though

What is the redhead reference? (Sorry if this has been explained later in the thread - I haven’t got chance to read it all).

My partner had two days of work including the day of and is a mobile mechanic. The first day he spent alot of it sat down but then was up and about as normal I have three kids to look after so definitely wasn't running around getting him snacks!

My DH had one and went back to a physical job within 4 days. He was bruised but able to function. Never takes painkillers unless really needed.

Still moans about having it occasionally. Made his orgasm less intense.

I couldn't tolerate birth control. Made me suicidal. He and I not keen on condoms.

It’s disappointing that men aren’t shown emotional support from their partner.

What his brother said could be what your DH is feeling.

Why don’t you have a chat/support him about how he is feeling?

All the stories from posters about their husbands are… odd

I think to cut him some slack really. People feel pain differently .One guy may be up and about the same day ,some like hubby take a while to heal .His brother sounds immature .I think in a week or so he should be feeling a bit better.Maybe try and keep some things with you .I would see if DS can help and keep some stuff in a cold bag as PP said above .

Men are very ' precious' about their balls. My DILs father has 3 giant dogs, all entire males. They escape frequently in search of females on heat. He won't have them neutered. My DIL says it's because he and they are a pack and he's the alpha. He refused a vasectomy years ago and the dogs still have their balls. Sad really.

"All the stories from posters about their husbands are… odd"

On the oven hand people say masculinity is toxic.

On the other we have wives on this thread saying almost bragging how their husbands were back doing hard physical labour the same afternoon. Others calling Op's husband a "wet"/ drip/ baby, telling her to squeeze his now "useless" bollocks...