“You are lucky to get £7”

[LemonadeCake]

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

i was given that by my df
in1982!

and even that was on the Mean side, not taking into account his pay rise

It's pathetic.
Does it hurt him though? I mean if he is dragging himself through an existence on benefits do you think he misses it?
If so, carry on with it. Donate it to a charity he would disapprove of.

Don’t close your claim, it will automatically increase if/when things change, I know this is unlikely but just add the £7 up over the remaining years.
He should not be allowed to dodge completely

I can see exactly why you would want to close the case. £7 a week is a joke.
But, what I would do is set up a new account and get it paid into that, you will not have to see it on your regular account.
Out of sight, out of mind.
Let it accumulate and spend it when you like.
I'd not let him keep his £7…I am incredibly stubborn though.
I'm always on at CMS to do their job properly, got another tribunal at the moment.

My SD's ex paid £7 a week even though he was working cash in hand. She was going to close the claim but I advised her not to on principle. 3 years down the line he's obviously either thought they wouldn't catch up with him any more or he's been told he will lose his benefits if he doesn't get paid work (which he was doing all the time but cash in hand so couldnt prove it) because 3 months ago my SD started getting £160 a month into her bank account from CMS so you never know. He's never bought them so much as a sausage roll (even though he has them every other weekend) let alone clothes or anything they need but he told the kids he can't afford anything now because "your mum takes my money". Such a prince. She's well shot of him and can hold her head high that she's always provided for her children

Take the £7 and if you can save it and then nothing will be something. I really don't know how women like you do it, raise a child (with everything that entails) with zero or near zero financial contributions, it must be incredibly tough for you. And yes, I would be irritated by the friend's comment but don't lose sight of the fact that the real issue and what you're really pissed off about is the lack of support from the father of your child.

Please don't close your claim. CMG are trying to change legislation so child maintenance will become a priority debt with UC and trying to increase payments from a deduction from benefit. If he does ever start to work your ongoing maintenance will increase.
Keep taking the payments and put in into an account for the kids. Let them have it in a few years. Its money due to them, but you have saved.

working c-i-h is a good point, if you find this out by any chance definitely get proof and report.

Clearly your not lucky to get £7 a week. Let's hope it was irony or at worst a thoughtless comment, and not intentionally rude

Anyway, don't cancel the claim. Don't let him off his teany tiny hook. Do something clever and useful with the money. If you're considering cancelling the claim out of anger then you could live without the £28 a month so I would invest it for their future. I would open a SIPP for your kid. Choose a cheap platform like vanguard. Choose a cheap fund like the all world caps.

If you put £28 in a SIPP a month, the government adds tax relief making it up to £35.

I don't know how old your kid is, let's say 10 years old, so you have another 8 years of pitiful contributions.

Let's say the fund grows at 10% a year on average. And inflation is 3%. After the eight years of these pitiful contributions, no more money gets put in your kids private pension. When your kid retires they'll have a pension pot of £147,084 out of their dead beat dad's pathetic contributions. That's in today's money, so no need to think about it devaluing due to future inflation. That could give them an annual income of £19000. Which they have in addition to any workplace, private or state pensions they paid into one their own

So deadbead dad isn't paying for your kid when they're a child, but he's paying for them to have a good retirement, for them to eat out, go on holidays, see shows, buy nice cars

It's pitiful OP but don't stop it.

£7 x 52 weeks a year is £364. Over 10 years that's £3640.

Put it away for the kids and save it up. By the time they're adults it will be a chunk of money worth handing over (from you).

Top it up to £10 a week and it'll be £520 a year and £5200 after 10 years.

Damn right he will. Seriously OP, don’t close the claim. Let him pay his 7 quid a week. Keep all the child maintenance support letters and when your kids are older you can show them what an absolute loser their father proved up be. It might inspire them not to follow in his footsteps.

As others have said ,Keep it in an account .There will still be something by the time they come of age.A friend's ex DH had several properties he rented out.Somehow got away with the bare minimum .Do they have no responsibility?

Well it’s all relative isnt it? Like I said I’d love every other weekend to myself, I haven’t had a night of from parenting in almost a decade so I’d take every other weekend off over £7.

He doesn’t transfer it. Cms have to take it before it gets to him because he wouldn’t send even that.

It’s not a race to the bottom

Unfortunately this isn’t true, he earns on the side and isn’t relying solely on universal credit, I just can’t prove it so can’t do anything about it.

This. Put it in their ISA so it doesn’t count as your money it counts as theirs. That’s something towards their future at least.

Thank you I’d rather have nothing to, it’s a completely insult would rather shut the claim down than have him thinking he is providing for them.

I know he is earning but I can’t prove it and I have no contact with him so there is no way to prove this unfortunately

@LemonadeCake But he can't possibly think he's providing for them on that amount?! More likely he resents it. He absolutely should keep paying it and this paltry sum in no way detracts from you doing it alone.

I’m still interested to hear what would you do if you had proof?

But even if the CMS took £50 from him a week, he still isn’t providing for them as it’s the tax-payers money (unless he is working and paying tax which he isn’t). The tax-payer is contributing £7 pw to help you raise your children.

So, until he works legitimately he’ll never be providing for them.

If you really do know 100% that he’s working, you can let the benefits team know and they will do their own investigation, you don’t need proof.

It's £1 per day. I'd do something with it. Invest it in ISAs for DC or spend £365 at Christmas on a trip to the theatre and dinner.

As a PP said, why should he have it, however small a contribution it is. Better in your pocket than his.

He doesn’t work, he gets income from rental property. I can’t prove it, and I’m not planning to report anything, but my point is he’s not exactly struggling on benefits. He’s even boasted in the past about how much he earns without working. One of the reasons he wouldn’t have the children overnight at his is because he doesn’t want to risk it affecting his income.