“You are lucky to get £7”

[LemonadeCake]

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

I'd send people who are fit enough to work, but don't and don't provide childcare etc, into forced work. They are absolute wronguns.
My DD gets the £7 and I co-parent. He's a waste of oxygen, mind you, he doesn't deserve my grandchildren. They are wonderful.

I don't think this person actually meant you're lucky. More like something said in jest comparing that they don't even get anything at all. I wouldn't have taken it in an offensive way.

The amount is rubbish but what would you gain for stopping it completely?

Definitely wasnt said in jest, you wasnt there to know. It was said in a completely serious way.

Depends on the tone/meaning - the ‘lucky’ might be exasperation at how many men don’t pay rather than literally suggesting £7 a week is lucky.

The system is shocking. I think there should be a set minimum amount per child and if you can’t pay it due to income it accrues as a debt that you have to pay later even if that’s from an estate to the child when you die.

He has paid nothing, for Years, so I’ve been there, still doesnt mean im lucky hence why there is £1000 arrears, which is “a lot” considering he only pays £7 a week so that’s a significant number of years he hasn’t paid.

I wouldn't cancel the money but I wouldn't save it for anything nice as it could spoil a good day out. I think I would start a subscription for something essential with it and then just not think about it, something like loo roll.

I think, in a way, the £7 makes him look worse than if he gave nothing. You hear of these men who don't pay anything at all and they've all got a story, or an excuse or something. (Always nonsense but they convince some people). In the future, when your kids are adults, that £7 per week will be like a clear sign that even though you did everything right, that was the absolute most he ever did.

I don't know if I've explained that correctly but I feel like that paltry £7 will stand as a testament to what a shitty, shitty father he is, no matter what crap he might try to pull in the future.

My mum got two pounds a week in the 70s till I was 16. And he had to be forced to pay it. No contact from when I was around three. My brothers dad paid nothing - he emigrated. My dad wasn't rich but he had a lot more money than my mum did - she struggled even though she worked full time.

Im sorry this person upset you

I would also keep it. Shove it in a savings account

It’s forced out of his benefits on collect and pay he doesn’t hand it over as he refused to even pay that

My dad is a knob - sorry to be so blunt - but he is. He didn't even try and convince anyone of anything - he just didn't turn up for an access visit one day and went on his merry way - and if it were up to him my mum would have got nothing.

He also remarried and had other kids that he supported and acknowledged - but that was his choice.

£1.57 is what they worked out I would get 15 years ago because he managed to hide and lie about bank accounts..he still has the same full-time job...I tore up the letter, rang and cancelled claim and brought up son alone. No contact has ever been made, ex sent abusive cards etc in the child's first year until he got ordered by a no contact order. We've moved several times had a happy successful life and re-married my oldest has several siblings and a wonderful step dad and done it all on our own. No thankyou to the measley money from a guy who so wanted a child but a month before birth changed his mind

Yeah thats a disgusting amount dont know why anyone thinks it’s worth claiming that 😕 would rather say I did it alone than say he contributed that amount

Sometimes you need to let peoples unwanted opinions go in one ear and out the other. That's easier said than done though sometimes.

I used to get £5 a week for ds, it really annoyed me because the if exh was earning the amount of money he received in benefits I would have got £42 a week. I used to buy myself a bottle of wine with it as a way of giving him the middle finger. Ex mil thought it was terrible that exh had to pay to support his son, when he got the letter from the CSA telling him he had to pay & I got a phone call that was just her yelling & screaming down the phone, this was the woman who had been telling 6 year old ds to tell CAFFCASS that he wanted to live full time with his dad & not see me any more.

I totally get it. Same as you I get £7 a week via cms

we split as he is an alcoholic - his how much he drank

he refused to pay anything. Stopped working. Drank even more - now due to his drinking he has no pancreas so gets lwcra and uc and rent paid and doesn’t have to even look for work

he won’t work as means will have to give me 12%

his £30 a month pays for nothing but I did it as one less bottle of vodka for him to drink

yes I would love some time alone but dd won’t ever be staying at his alone as I don’t trust him not to drink and dd didn’t want to be left alone since he was drunk and called me a fucking cunt in front of her

sorry for rant

yes they should be made to pay for ther kids

and made to look for work. Work and get uc not a problem

ex has no intention to ever work again

I feel thats the same for my ex, he clearly has no intentions to ever work again. I know he earns on the side and isnt living solely on benefits so it isn’t affecting his life as much as it may seem but I just can’t prove it

No I don’t think you would be. Most single parents would like a break (feel supported) I’m sure. So yes, others may not be supported financially but they are supported with childcare. You are not supported from either! So yes, it’s fine to say they are the lucky ones!

What would you do if you had proof?

I don’t know, people usually say every other weekend is a dead beat dad, bare minimum but I’d kill for every other weekend to myself 😩

Could he do this? Have you asked him?

He hasn’t seen them for 3 years through choice

Yanbu of course. I'd keep it open though just so he has £28 less a month.

My kids dad pays me a fair amount but I'd trade it all for him to want to see his children more.

I get jealous of people whos other parent are really active in the kids lifes and I really wish I had that for mine. So it's probably similar to something like that I guess.

This is a good way of looking at it. £28 a month might seem like nothing to you but it could be a lot to him to buy booze, fags or whatever he’s into.
In the unlikely event that his circumstances change (inheritance / lottery win/ gets off his arse and gets a paid job) where would you stand then if you close the maintenance claim?
£28 a month is a pitiful amount but save it up for your children and when their older let them know that this is what their father contributed.

Both your child’s dad and hers are absolute pondlife. Did they show signs of being utter shit before you got pregnant?

Sometimes dealing with a difficult unreliable ex for EOW visits is worse as they’re still in your life and have the power to fuck things up for you.

I would pick £7 over having to rely on a useless ex-partner to keep his word.