“You are lucky to get £7”

[LemonadeCake]

I’ve been debating whether to just close my child maintenance claim altogether. My ex pays £7 a week and always has and realistically, it’s been years, he’s never going to get a job, so it’s not likely to change.

I mentioned this to someone and they told me I was “lucky” to even get £7 because they get nothing 🤦‍♀️

Am I being unreasonable to feel a bit annoyed by that? Am I really supposed to feel grateful for £7 a week? It barely covers anything it might as well be nothing, and honestly sometimes I think I’d rather it was nothing than this token amount that makes no real difference but means he can say he “pays” for the children. Theres been times when I’ve got nothing due to him having debts that take priority but I’ve never once felt anyone else was lucky to receive maintenance for their children.

They then said their ex has the kids every other weekend so that’s why they don’t get anything… but if I’m honest, I’d rather have that arrangement. At least then you’ve got some time to yourself and a bit less day-to-day cost. But obviously that’s not something you can say out loud without it sounding awful but it’s ok to tell me I'm lucky?

Is the bar really this low now? 🤷‍♀️

Nothing has changed in all these years. When I was a child (admittedly this was late 70s-80s) but my mum got £1 a week for 2 kids People think £1 went a lot further than today, it didn’t. Dad had a great job, no debts.

You know, when your children are older they’ll know how he treated them (or not). Mine are in their thirties and remember how he didn’t take them on holiday etc but managed stuff with his new girlfriend(s)

Hes not changed even now.

Keep the £7. He’s a proper tosser 💐

I spend more than £7 a week on my cat.

YANBU

Closing the claim isn't in your children's vest interests. Don't do it.

Well if you faved it for 16 years it’s nearly £6k you could give to child ?! Obvs he should be paying more but equally don’t miss out on something your child could benefit from.

Well thats not really true is it? I know its not loads but swimming, a Saturday morning cinema (most do really cheap deals then), a round of crazy golf, a day out at a beach or country park or free museum if you're careful about snacks. Again, not remotely defending the amount but its not nothing.

UK child support system makes no sense to me. How is one parent allowed to pay 7 quid, because see he doesn't have much money, poor thing. But the other parent just has to find the rest of money?? She can't put in 7 quid from her side and conside it done, can she?

The bar is oh so low.

I receive nothing for 2 dc, ex’s other three children (older) receive £100 each per month. There’s nothing I can do about it.

That said, I’m glad he doesn’t have DC more.

I got nothing but no I don’t think you’re lucky to get £7. It’s outrageous how these feckless men don’t want to support their children.

It's disgusting that some men get away with this but no way would I cancel the claim. I'd have no doubt it pisses him off having to pay it (and he will be paying the fee, or part of it, to have CMS pay you directly). My ex pays a similar amount which is often recalculated to nothing for a bit as he's on benefits and does have them 4 nights per fortnight - well, ds1 is at uni now. I was the breadwinner when we were together and he thought that would continue to mean he never had to pay anything, ever. He obviously feeds them at his but other than that spends nothing on them. No chance would I cancel the claim as I want him to have the constant reminders that he is responsible - they took him to court years ago and he paid £16 which at that ;point was the first time he'd ever paid anything! If I canceled the claim he'd see it as acknowledgement that I should be paying everything.

I agree with this too.

Not lucky of course OP and very insensitive of the person who said it, however I'd hazard a guess that even someone very wealthy wouldn't chuck £28 down the drain.

And it is better in yours and your child's pocket than his.

Stash it or put it toward something to do once a month. Or as a pp said buy yourself a little gift with it. It's disgusting what men who are parents can get away with.

No don’t cancel it - because then when the kids get older and he reconnects with them (which they always try to do when the work is done) he’ll tell them “well I wanted to give your mum money but she refused it” (conveniently omitting that it was £7 a week)

The friends ex probably doesn't work and is on benefits. He's probably calculated to pay nothing because he has the kids 52 nights per year wiping out his £7 a week contribution. CMS say that the non resident parent spends more than £7 per week having the overnight contact and calculate that a parent on benefits doesn't pay because of this

That’s really rough and I completely see how you’d want to cancel because it makes no difference to you. However, I really like a PP’s idea of putting it in a savings account for your DC. You could set up a standing order so you never have to think about it.

I worked in a bank with someone who resigned rather than pay for his children when he split from his partner. Absolutely disgusting.

I get nothing, but I’d almost rather that than £7! It’s an insultingly paltry amount! YANBU.

Yanbu, at least if he had them every other weekend he would have to pay for food etc for those days. Although in principle I would rather them be with me so know they are eating properly and not being ignored
But £7 is an absolute joke , he would spend more on a pet dog. Disgraceful.

I get fuck all from my child’s biological dad. No, you are certainly not ‘lucky’. I’m embarrassed for your child’s father that he can hold his head up high - £7!? Why don’t these losers want more for their children? Why is the bar in hell???

How utterly abhorrent. He should be 50/50 responsible financially for any DC he has helped to create until they’re at least 18, better 21. This should be mandated and failure to comply should result in a prison sentence. I honestly don’t know why the state picks up for pathetic ‘fathers’ who absolve themselves of all responsibility.

I wouldn't close the claim. I'd definitely save it though. It'll get bigger and of more use.

If he's claiming benefits as a single bloke then 7 quid means more to him.

Surely you should "keep the door open" with an ongoing support claim. I know it's far-fetched, but if for any reason he did get some money, (lottery/gambling win, inheritance) then you can jump in and claim some of it, without starting the whole process again.

You are not lucky, neither is the person who said it. The lucky ones here are the men that get away with the bare minimum and have a society that allows it.

She should be commiserating with you about how shit it is for both of you, not making out like £7 is something to be envied!

I wouldn’t cancel it though, if he knocked on your door every Friday with his hand out, you wouldn’t give him £7 so don’t give it to him by cancelling the claim either.

It is an insult! The child maintenance system needs a full overhaul to ensure all loopholes are closed!

Honestly I'd rather get nothing (which is what I get) than £28 a month, which is frankly insulting @LemonadeCake . I'm with you.

Honestly the bar is SO low with what some men contribute in society and to their children.

People give single mums such a hard time when we're the ones holding it all together. A man does a tiny amount of parenting or contribution, and suddenly that's ok, or "something".

My friend from university is a CMS investigator and told me that a high number of his caseload turn out to be window cleaners, builders etc who dodge CMS by taking cash. I now refuse to pay anyone in cash.