Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

Sorry but you need to grow a spine here and rather than ranting on here, just tell this friend that could she please not bring her dog next time as the cats were distressed after the last visit, so you won't be able to have the dog in the house. Say that you're happy to meet elsewhere if that's a problem.

You have to tell her she can’t bring the dog. Simple.

Holy moly, I wouldn't hesitate in telling her no dogs when you have cats. She's being entitled if she throws a hissy over it, and tbh, as much as people are nice, being friends with someone who throws a hissy over not getting their own way is just too much trouble.

use your words op

FFS just say 'You can't bring Fido. I don't want your dog in my house.' It's that simple. If she takes umbrage, it's her problem.

Tbh I find it annoying when someone always brings their dog - to your house, out to lunch, night out etc etc. I have a dog but seriously, leave your dog at home!! Unless we are going for a dog walk!

You’ve got cats, that’s the end of it
i never allow any dogs in my house, it’s my cats home and I’m not distressing him (and I am also a dog lover)

I get it.
You feel if you say no to your friend she will be upset. I understand that to mean that you are worried she will be upset and the consequence is she will withdraw her friendship and your DD will lose her best friend.

But as you have seen from this thread. Most people think its quite reasonable to say no to dogs, because of your cats.

So think about why you feel she would be "upset". Do you mean upset with YOU? Will stop speaking to you? Is she like that normally?

I think sometimes this arises from childhood conditioning.If you ever say no to people - they will give you the cold shoulder, stop speaking to you, etc.. the consequences will be unpleasant. And there is also the feeling that is hard to argue with things like "Well you've put up with it so far...so I should be allowed to continue" which makes you feel like you have to continue. It takes some bravery to take the risk of speaking up.

But if you know your request is right and reasonable and politely, but clearly articulated and your friend "punishes" with consequences for you .... I would argue that its not a sustainable friendship. Is she like this about other things too... I know it can sometimes feel like a big hill to climb to say something like this to quite a forceful person... but why do they get to be the forceful ones?
Is she really just unreasonable? and would hate you for banning her dog, or are you willing to risk having a try and seeing what happens.

Knew instantly the weirdos would pick at you for saying “stupid dog” 😂 op you aren’t being unreasonable at all, it’s really rude to turn up at someone’s house and expect your dog to be allowed inside. Unfortunately there are too many people that think their dog is another darling child of theirs.

So you upset her. So what?

Does she care about your feelings or your cats?

YABU. Tell her.

I have a dog, I would never bring him to a house with cats, it’s not fair on either animal. My lovely friend has a cat and I would always leave my dog at home to visit (my baseline presumption is don’t bring your dog to someone’s home tbh!) a mutual friend then got a dog and brought it along to our next gathering and scared the shit out of poor cat, who refused to come in the house for several days. From then on 1st friend has had to be quite explicit in saying no dogs welcome, and I think that’s the logical way forward op!

My house is dog free. No dogs are ever allowed. I would not go out for lunch with someone who insisted on bringing their dog. I wouldn't expect anyone to be interested in eating with my grandchildren and I expect them to respect that I'm not eating with their dog around. If that's not okay then we won't be friends.

She is being one of those dog wankers who think everyone is in love with their dog.

but his is she to know your feelings if you don’t tell her?

I’m saying YABU because you haven’t told her not to bring the dog. Obviously she should ask, but you need to adult up here.

Use your words. Tell her no dog. And if she absolutely cannot leave the dog at home, you'll have to meet elsewhere.

Op, why do you have a problem using your words?

Where on earth is your self respect and self esteem that you would tolerate this?
Genuinely unbelievable.

YABU to tolerate this.

This is so silly

Of course you can and have to say no I can't have the dogs come because of the cats. The cats are the perfect reason. And justifiably so. I can't believe you've actually let her bring the dogs in when you've got cats. This is on you for not saying anything. This is your cats' home

Haha dog wanker. That is brilliant

I voted YABU only because I feel this situation could easily be resolved if you just told her you would prefer if she didn’t bring her dog.

I genuinely don't understand why you have not done this?

I got fed up of my auntie turning up with my cousin's dog. I don't dislike dogs but this one was not properly trained and was into everything. She treated it like her grandchild and allowed it to run upstairs and jump on the beds etc. I had enough and told her to leave it in the car or at home. It caused a bit of ill feeling but she didn't bring it again. That's what you need to do OP, bite the bullet and say it's upsetting your cats. If she's happy to leave it alone all day it can stay at home while she visits you.

Yabu to call it a stupid dog

you’re the stupid one did not actually asking your friend to not bring it

You have two choices - say nothing or just tell her! I know that this is AIBU and people come here to vent, but I really don't understand threads like this. You know what's needed - just tell her!

Tell her your cats are terrified of the dog and you can't put them through that all of the time. It sounds totally unreasonable of her to think it's OK to bring her dog into someone else's house that has cats.