Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

Me too !

You sound pretentious and overbearing tbh. I’m not a cat person but would never think to say “it’s only a stupid cat” and as for having expensive carpets ! I’m surprised your precious cats and kids are allowed on them. Sorry but I can’t sympathise with someone so full of themselves

OP just tell her you can no longer host her dog as its stressing out your cats and causing behavioural issues. (You can even lie and say they've started scent marking to mark their territory in your house after the dogs left the last time she came) just tell her you're sure as a pet owner she will understand that you have to put your cats welfare in their own house first. She surely can't get mad or pissy about that!

I love dogs but some dog owners are fucking insane thinking that other people should treat their dogs like children. (Fair enough to treat your own dogs like children but you can't impose that shit on others.)

I’m so confused. I don’t understand why you think it’s bad manners, to tell her to not bring her dog???

Next time you invite her just say, “please don’t bring your dog, it’s causing distress to my cats. I don’t want to lock them away”

You are not responsible for her feelings. If she upset, that’s on her. She clearly doesn’t give a crap about yours.

The friend is obtuse. She knows you have cats and don’t have a dog. She has presumably seen or knows that you are locking the cats away in another room when she visits with the dog. I’d be tempted to knock on her forehead as you would someone’s front door and say, “HELLO? Is there a brain in there?”

Tell her no more visits with the dog.

You’re not unreasonable to not want a dog in your home but you are unreasonable to not say anything to her! Just ask her not to bring it!

I could not be with a friend that clueless but then I also couldnt be friends with someone who can't use their voice and say no

why is everyone so afraid of a 2 letter word

really unnecessary to say stupid dog especially when you don’t have the balls to tell your friend you don’t want the dog in your home. Who’s the stupid one?

I don't allow dogs in my house whoever it is, even my Dad isn't allowed to bring his dogs in. I don't want dog hair or them slobbering on my sofa, yuk!

I’m very clear I don’t want any dogs in my home. I no longer own any, and I don’t want ‘dog smells’ slobbering etc now.

I don’t make excuses - it’s just the word ‘no’.

So you haven't told her not to bring her dog but you want her to not bring her dog. Tell her today. Make it clear she and her family are welcome but going forward her dog isn't. If she refuses to leave the dog at her house then she can't visit. Simple.

But she hasn’t called it stupid to her friend, She was expressed frustration about the dog semi privately on an anonymous forum.

Doing it behind her back doesn't make it any less rude.

how her supposed friend hasn't picked up on her horrible attitude I don't know.

(For avoidance of doubt I'll repeat my stance. She should have said from the beginning that the dog can't come in the house because of the cats (better than saying her house isn't decorated for dogs 🤣) & should just say that now.

Yabu, because you haven't told her. Don't let dog in the first time.
Many people love their dogs and assume others do too.

Bit rich to call an animal stupid because the op can’t say no and the owner doesn’t understand hints.

Some of you who can’t see this are like stupid dogs with bones.

@Sally20099 I've come to see that the idea of manners/what's okay is deeply subjective. For some it's 'only a dog', 'cats won't mind, they are in a bedroom', 'it's fun for the dc to play with the dog b/c they don't have one' and they don't share your thoughts/feelings just as you don't theirs. While you think someone should ask and take your comments as a 'no', the reality is people see situations through their own bias. I always used to assume people would do the 'right' thing but that's just not how people work. What's 'right' is impacted by so many thoughts/feelings/differences.

I'd send a text and say after the last few visits when dogs came the cats were exceptionally stressed and in speaking with the vet/expert/friends, it's been recommended you don't have dogs over so sadly you are letting friends with dogs know that you can't have their lovely dogs over again. That helps set the boundary, before the next get together remind her of the text. By saying you are letting friends know you aren't targeting her so it's more depersonalized.

Good luck!

Can’t we just move on from the ‘stupid dog’ comment? There are far ruder things regularly said on AIBU! It was ill judged but hardly worth the vitriol that’s still going on. Is it worse than calling kids ‘brats’?

Apparently if it’s behind the brat’s backs and they’re not reading the thread it’s ok.

But you don’t see the same vitriol about it, that’s the point I’m making.

Where’s the vitriol? Do you mean the name calling?

OK, not vitriol, but carrying on complaining about it. One person might complain if the word ‘brat’ is used, but the thread then moves on. It’s just one flipping word, move on. Are you pushing for the OP to apologise? I’m sorry, it isn’t going to happen.

People say far nastier things about dogs on here as well, on every dog hating thread, sadly. (Some things are really unpleasant, too.)

And maybe she does think the dog is stupid. Apparently, it does bark a lot! That will be scaring her cats, particularly. (And yes, if she’d only spoken up to her friend long ago, she wouldn’t have got so wound up.)

And actually, it looks as if the OP might not be coming back to her thread now.

I am very much enjoying all the pearl clutching about calling a dog stupid 🤣

What if the dog reads it??? 😱

At no point did I say they were people I said they were members of the family.

The OP just needs to ask her friend not to bring her dog round. She probably thought it was absolutely fine since she has been doing it that long and it has never been an issue. Guessing she doesn’t have a crystal ball.

Most people are simply pointing out that the dog is the least stupid of all involved. It’s not the big offence you all seem to be pretending we think it is.