Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

There’s plenty of solutions but I’d suggest getting rid of the (stupid?) cats and redecorating with the dog in mind.

Just tell her not to bring her dog to your house.

Or, you could visit her, taking the cats with you and asking her to shut the dog away so it doesn't upset the cats.

Seriously, OP, just tell her you can't go on upsetting your cats just to accommodate her dog.

Just tell her bot to bring her dog. I have no problems telling people this. I don’t allow any animals.

Tell her that her dog is not welcome.
I love dogs and have them but I wouldn’t dream of taking my dogs to anyone’s house unless they’d asked me to!

Your poor cats.

I said yabu as you need to say don't bring the dog. It's not fair on your animals.

She either respects your home and wishes i.e no dog or accept you need to meet up outside. If she sulks that's tough, she's no friend.
I wouldn't have a dog in the house because I have a room dedicated to my guinea pig herd [I have a small sanctuary] and I don't want them scared because some selfish person can't be parted from their dog for more than half an hour.

I think you can definitely tell her without it turning awkward/her being upset - I've read so many threads like this where the OP has no 'reason' to not want the dog there, they just don't like dogs! Which is perfectly reasonable, but maybe hard to explain in practice. You have your cats to think about and your friend should understand.

Although I am also one of those people who's sick and tired of dogs everywhere. (we have a dog), it is the dog owner who'se stupid not the dog.

My friend doesn’t bring her dog to our house because of our cat. She did once and it did not go well! So now she doesn’t!! Just tell her. If she’s a friend she won’t mind. Or meet up somewhere you can take the dog. Loads of cafes are dog friendly nowadays.

This

I don't understand why you haven't said? Hence I put YABU

She's your friend. Tell her, not us.

So you haven’t told her not to bring the dog but are frothingly angry about it…is she supposed to be psychic? I imagine as they work all week they want to enjoy the dog at the weekends and give it a trip out but if you don’t want them at your house that’s fine but you need to use your words.

Not sure what the price of carpets has to do either. Cats are just as bad.

Just tell her you can’t keep shutting your cats away, the dog is no longer welcome.

The obvious answer here is to be honest. You don’t want the dog in your house- you don’t like dogs, you have expensive carpets, they smell. Whatever it is you want to say, just be honest. Or meet her somewhere else.

Yes, do this.

I voted YABU because you know the answer to this problem (tell your friend the dog can't come over) but won't do it (and also because the dog isn't stupid; it's not the dog's fault its owner is rude). It's as simple as that. You have pets in your home that aren't compatible with her dog, so that's a very easy 'excuse', though obviously not wanting the dog in your home is reason enough.

Your house is where your cats live. They shouldn’t have to be locked away, terrified of the barking. That’s the only reason you need and you just have to say so.

I’m considering getting a cat just to stop my two SIL’s bringing their dogs into my house. One SIL has two dogs, both of which have shit on my kitchen mat and pissed on my wooden floorboards, as in proper floorboards complete with handy gaps for said piss to disappear into. The dog belonging to other SIL scampers all over the sofa and tries, with a shocking degree of success, to lick my children’s faces, which they HATE. The last time I tried to stop any of them coming in, there was World War 3, so I appreciate it’s not always easy.

You're being unreasonable by not telling her you don't want her bringing her dog.

Her expectations are unreasonable that her dog go everywhere with her. You have pets that probably get stressed when you put them in a room and there's a strange animal in their territory. You're also not set up for dog care. If she has a problem over you asking her to leave her dog at her home, she's not much of a friend. Not being able to say no to something unreasonable without a tantrum is a red flag.

I've had dogs for years. If I was going to a friend's place who has dogs and they get along with mine, I would ask if I could bring mine. If it was a house without a dog, I would not think of bringing my dog along.

Did she ever ask if it was ok to bring the dog? Or just assume? My friend has cats, the first time I took my dog to her house she tried to chase the cats, so now I don’t take her. My friend didn’t have to ask me not to.

It is presumptuous of her but if you have never actually told her that the dog is unwelcome then you being unreasonable and rather daft.

I love my dog. I take him to far too many places, but not to the friends who have a cat, and would never take him to anyone’s house without checking first, if they say they’d rather not, I won’t push it. It’s not that difficult. You just need to tell her no it’s not compatible with the cats.

Sometimes, the answer to a problem just doesn't occur to someone. Apparently.

Why would you not just tell her that her dog is not welcome?
That's not rude.
She is being rude bringing uninvited.
Just say no.

YABVVVVU and a shit friend. You should have been honest with her after the first visit, now you have let resentment fester away until you are "utterly fed up" and pissed off with her for being "so dismissive" of feelings she's supposed to interpret through mind-reading, because you have decided you "know" how she would have felt if you had kindly told her that the cats were really distressed after the first visit so you couldn't have a dog in your home again. So you are moaning about her and feeling negativity towards her and now she will have to deal with the discomfort of that because you didn't simply give her the chance to remedy the situation after the first visit.