Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

I am a lifelong dog owner and have worked in rescue, I would never presume to take my dogs to people’s homes, how entitled she is.
Speak to her and say the cats are traumatised for days and can she please leave dog at home.
Stop tiptoeing about her.

This. You don’t sound very nice OP . If the dog is left alone all day I can see why they don’t want to leave it alone in their leisure time . It’s not the dogs fault . All you have to say is your cats don’t cope with the dog around not create this big drama . Your friends can then decide whether to visit or not .

No one ,would be bringing their dog in my home
They wouldn't get over the threshold
And that's because I have two dogs myself,who would piss all over the house if they smelt another dog in their space
I'm surprised your cats your wee everywhere in protest

Just tell her 😂

I've been a dog owner for over 30 years and I wouldn't take my dog (s) to someone's house unless invited to. She's taking liberties and it isn't fair on you or your cats. I think you need to ask her to leave her dog at home. She can't seriously expect to take her everywhere, including the homes of non-dog owners, that's just ridiculous.

If it’s been going on for too long for you to feel comfortable banning the dog, start by moving all meet ups to her house. Mention the issue with cats & the dog.
’Let’s have coffee at yours so Fido doesn’t upset the cats.’
‘If Fido is coming, let’s meet at the park.’

Then, if the weather is nice say, ‘Come straight round the back & we’ll sit in the garden so Fido doesn’t disturb the cats.’

Eventually she’ll either get the hint or you’ll feel comfortable enough saying ‘Best leave Fido at home if your popping in for a coffee - it’s a bit wet to leave him in the garden today.’

She probably has no idea that you don’t love her dog because you go to such effort to accommodate him!

You have cats. The dog can't come. You are foolish to keep letting your cats be upset by this. Say no.

Oh ffs. She doesn’t actually mean the dog is stupid. She’s frustrated. This is exactly why dog owners are frustrating. They’re defensive and obtuse and never consider that not everybody wants to be around your effing ‘stupid’ dog. But no… let’s all pile on to the dog being called a hurty word instead of the overstepping of the CF friend.

But op, similarly, stop being such a wet lettuce. You should’ve told her the first time so it’s your own fault that it’s so much harder now. But you have no choice. “Sorry mate can you leave the dog at home this time? It upsets my cats too much.”

YANBU

I'm a dog person (we have 6) but your friend is totally unreasonable assuming her dog is welcome anywhere the hell she likes. I HATE entitled dog owners like this. They're so bloody irritating and selfish.

If you are trying to avoid her having a strop, I would just say, I'm really sorry but your visits are going to have to be without Bonzo from now on as my cats are struggling to settle after you've left and it seems to be getting worse everytime.

It's very simple. 'I have cats. I don't want them frightened so I can't have dogs in the house. I should have made it clearer when you first started bringing Bingo. But in future I'm afraid he's not invited.'

Well I commented on the stupid dog remark but I am definitely not missing the point. OP should say something, I do love dogs but I appreciate not everyone does, The people such as those you mentioned in the cafe make my blood boil. Perhaps those kind of people are the reason there is so much vitriol towards dog owners. I take my dog to cafe's now and again but we sit outside. She is young and we are training her to get used to the environment but the first sign of her not settling and we are off. We won't allow our dog to become someone elses problem.

My point is, I am not missing the point and am totally with OP apart from a few comments which I accept may be born out of frustration.

It wouldn’t even cross my mind to allow someone to bring a dog into my house under any circumstances. Just tell her no.

Either tell her or just moan about it.

THIS. I voted YABU because you havent actually even asked not to do something that is clearly upsetting you.

You are silently seething about it but not telling her so YABVU. Are you expecting her to magically read your mind one day?

There is no point moaning to us about it if you wont say anything

Just tell her she can’t bring the dog anymore because the barking scares your cats. That should be enough, everyone knows cats usually don’t like dogs! Or only go to her house. Maybe you will feel bad telling her no, but you’ll also feel bad if this carries on, so you might as well tell her because you’ll feel bad either way

Of course you're being unreasonable. You know exactly what the answer to this problem is, but refuse to say anything. What was the point of starting this thread?

Just tell her not to bring the dog!

Next time you're making plans just say, it's OK we'll come to you, save bringing the dog. Then when she walks ove ryour boundary and rides to insist on coming over, you've created tomopportunity to follow up with spmething like: no honestly, id rather come to you. The cats get so wound up and its more of a faff packing up all the cat stuff so I'd rather come to you if that's OK. Unless Xmis staying home with the dog, in which case, come on over x

Next time she arranges to come round, tell her the dog isn't welcome because it stresses the cats out too much. If she moans, point out she's happy to leave the dog all day bar a visit from a dog walker, so it'll be fine for a couple of hours. If she still protests, say it's best we cancel the visit.

In other words, you're going to have to be blunt because she's clearly not picking up on your annoyance based on the fact you let her bring the dog in!

it’s a stupid dog FFS

And yet you are the one who cant even talk to her own friend..... 😆

YABU for telling us instead of telling her.

I like dogs, but that's partly because I'm not a cat. Cats should not be subjected to terror in their own house and I don't understand why you're letting it happen.

Mine! Scrubbable paint, tiles or laminate downstairs.

I think it’s an easy fix. In advance of her next visit, you tell her you’ve had to get anti-anxiety meds for your cats, so unfortunately she can no longer bring the dog. I’m actually astonished you allowed it originally, if someone had turned up with a dog when I had 2 cats, I wouldn’t have let them in.

I think you should be tactfully honest and say that your cats are traumatised by dogs so could she leave the dog at home or perhaps you could meet at her house or elsewhere.

There is no other solution OP, unless you want to get rid of your cats to accommodate her dog.
Do you want to do that ?

So you have to do what is right and proper and face your fear of upsetting her and respectfully tell her.

Next time you invite her, please just say something like …..
Oh I meant to tell you before but our cats are not happy having a dog in the house and it’s now affecting their health, so would you mind leaving the dog at home please, or in the car. Or if you like, we could meet at ……… instead. What do you prefer?

It’s very normal request. It’s a positive thing to do not a negative thing.
And you even have a perfect ready made excuse.
Be sensible OP. And brave. The onus is on you to speak up.
Set the example to your children. And to hers!

I'd just say straight, please don't bring dog, you know I love him but it really stresses the cats out for days afterward, they shouldn't be scared in their own home.