Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

I’m sorry, @Sally20099, but I agree that you need to speak up and tell your friend that her dog is scaring your cats, so you don’t want her to bring the dog with her. If she is a true friend, she will understand. If she kicks off, she is not a good friend.

I voted YABU because you just need to tell her.

No need to explain or apologise. The dog isn't welcome. End of.

She's a CF. You don't take a dog to someone else's home unless it's already been agreed. She wouldn't have got past my door step the first time she tried it.

I’m also not a dog/pet person so I have no problem saying that to someone visiting.

I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset

Well you're upset with her bringing it so even it out. She might be fine if you phrase it right. Just say 'I'd love to see you without your dog - can you leave him/her at home when you come to my place?' If she's really upset by that she needs to get a grip. But you're wrong for letting it go on when you don't like it and never saying anything.

The dog isn't stupid. Its owner is.

Why haven't you told her not to bring the dog, are you usually passive?

Yabu for not telling her! Absolutely ridiculous, it's your house so say no!

I use my words. No dogs in the house, no dogs in the garden. I don't go to houses or cafes which have dogs and I don't go on dog walks with anyone.

I have always been the same, very clear, very firm and will not negotiate. It makes life a whole lot easier. A couple of my friends have dogs and totally respect this. In turn I respect the fact that it can affect our meet ups and they may want to prioritise the dog.

Me too, I can't helping thinking the usual vitriol towards dog owners was coming out there

Otherwise I was totally with OP, her cats should not be locked away or her home adjusted for a friends dog.

I feel your pain op, feel exactly the same about my MIL dog. We also have two cats. I said no at Christmas as her dog is smelly, bouncy, barky and frankly not disciplined and this resulted in sulking and passive aggressive comments. I ignored those but it did annoy me. Recently I've had to let her bring the dog as she's going through a difficult time so I'm trying to be compassionate. But I hate the dog coming to my house!

So many issues on this site summed up by SPEAK UP AND SAY SOMETHING THEN

All the people commenting on the OP’s ‘stupid dog’ remark are missing the point entirely. Either the dog actually is stupid or most probably it is just an expression of the OP’s frustration.

i’m not a dog lover. I don’t hate them either. But I am wary of dogs and have had a few bad incidents with them. Today, I was sitting in a cafe and across the aisle there was a couple with a tiny dog - these are the ones I am most wary of because I have been bitten a couple of times. (And both times the owners said I was imagining it and little Fluffy would never do such a thing etc). Anyway, these people let their dog come over to me on their pet’s extending lead. I politely asked them to keep the dog away from
me. They said OK. 10 minutes later it was at my feet again. They told me the dog was fine….. missing the point….. but did pull it back. Same thing happened again. Very annoying.

I was with you until the stupid dog comment. It's not the dog who's stupid.

I was with you until the stupid dog comment. It's not the dog who's stupid.

Tell her the dog stresses the cats out and you're advocating for your pets, just as she would for her dog.

I love dogs, have two currently, we do not have visiting dogs just popping in here as it would unsettle them. None of my doggy friends would expect to bring their dogs here/for me to take my dogs there, we all recognise it would be stressful for all the dogs involved and isn't necessary.

I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog

Bingo! Job done.

Tell them that bringing their dog is no longer optional as your cat started to experience anxiety attacks and or that you develop allergies for dog fur.😆

'hi Jane looking forward to catching up for coffee later, could you please not bring Fido this time as it upsets Tiddles and Fluffy, thanks,see you soon'.

Should be a non issue really, any rational person would understand that as important as her pet is to her so are yours to you. I like dogs in general but we're a cat household and I wouldn't have my cats stressed in their own home so we don't have dogs visit.

I have a dog. I know I can’t take him to my sister’s house as she has a cat, one of my oldest friends because she doesn’t like dogs and another one who has a crawling baby and doesn’t want the dog around him. Their house their rules.

Your own fault for not saying something sooner she probably doesn’t even know it bothers you. Just tell her ffs

You need to tell her, as far as she's concerned it's probably a case of as you've not mentioned it she assumes it's fine.

Screw your courage to the sticking place & lay it on the line!
Report back and we will all congratulate you 👏😁

I love dogs and have one myself, but I would never allow an animal in my home that was causing distress to my own animals. Tell her you cannot allow her dog in your house because it stresses your cats out too much. They need to come first because it’s their home.

You can’t really blame your friend (or dog) as you’ve never told her not to bring her dog.Everyone may know you’re a cat person, but as you’ve never said no to the dog, she may assume you’re okay with Fido coming.