Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

I just fundamentally disagree - you can think of your dog as family if you wish but at no point do I have to think of your dog as anything other than a pet.

Correct you don’t but I wouldn’t expect you to make a derogatory comment about them if we were meant to be friends

But this is MN where people do come to vent, so sometimes they will speak negatively about a friend’s dog or children. My point was that the OP’s comment was tame compared to plenty of other comments I’ve read and on here.

She’s speaking anonymously about her friend’s dog, not complaining to her face about her ‘stupid dog’. That would definitely be rude.

I have two very timid rescue cats who absolutely should not be expected to have a dog invade their home. Any friend who has expected to bring their dog to my house is told very firmly no! Why didn’t you say no the first time she turned up with it and insisted she take it home?

Half the problems on Mumsnet can be solved by people just using their words.

”I think my cats have fleas so probably not a great idea to bring Fido on Saturday”

But dogs are stupid.

They can’t drive, they never invented anything, they can’t write books, they don’t have a space programme, nor do they cook.

Stupid.

By that logic, most humans would qualify as ‘stupid’ too, not everyone can do all those things! 😂 Dogs aren’t meant to invent stuff, they’re animals. They’ll bark if they’re not happy, but some humans seem to prefer venting to strangers online rather than being honest with their friends. A simple ‘please don’t bring the dog next time’ would’ve solved all of this.

i suspect that you’re REALLY more angry with your friend than you are than you with an animal that didnt choose to come along on all these trips.

I think she’s more upset with herself. She’s put up with this when she could have resolved it ages ago.

Yes, very much so

Oh. I'm very much surprised 😊. You have the forthrightness of our European neighbours! 👍🏻😊

Take your cats round to her house for the day.

My problem is not that my friend brings her dog to my house (she doesn't) but I now hate the dog because she NEVER stops talking about it. That is unfair to the dog (for me to hate it because it isn't really the dog's fault), but she adopted a shelter dog (which is great) and then proceeded to pour every ounce of herself into that dog. It's like the world revolves around the dog. Hey, I get it, shelter dog and all, but she seems to have completely thrown me over for a dog! Not kidding here, she keeps cancelling get togethers because of the dog, staying in because of the dog, talking about the dog (texting mostly) CONSTANTLY, talking about the foster parents who had the dog before she adopted it, and frankly, I am on the verge of telling her "Look, I'm glad you adore your dog and that you rescued him, but now it seems that your entire life revolves around him." There's no let up. If we do text at all, it's about - her dog! Every conversation goes back to - the dog, at least on her end of things. In addition, she has become quite chummy with the foster parents of this dog and again, has broken many get togethers, promises and a lot more where I am concerned. Maybe it's her way of letting me know she doesn't want to be friends any more but after many years as friends, I am rather insulted at being thrown over for - a dog! I don't know if this is a pattern with her when it comes to other people or just me. I just think that while pets are great (I have them too), I believe they can take over your life if you allow that to happen. I don't think it's healthy. Pets are great but they shouldn't dominate your life.

What sort of a dog is it?😁

I think this extends to when people bring dogs as well. Drives my DH mad and I don’t disagree. If someone brings a dog it has to then be the whole focus of attention and every conversation is punctuated by what is the dog doing and someone getting down on the floor to pet it. It’s distracting and annoying and totally changes the dynamic.

ditto children.

🥱

Children, grandchildren, holidays, exercise, their job … some people bang on excessively about things in their lives. It’s not exclusive to dog owners.

Absolutely true!

Cat owners can fall into that trap as well, and I’m saying this as a cat owner. I remember how excited I was when I brought home my first cat as an adult (I’d had cats growing up); I probably went on by about her too much.

Your friend might well calm down after a while once the initial excitement wears off and she starts thinking about other things.

My dog is my pride and joy, I know I get more animated when I talk about him and I definitely share more pictures than are necessary. My friends do the same about things in their lives too though. And we actually like each other so it’s not a big deal.