Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

In my experience, if a situation suits someone, they'll continue to do it unless explicitly asked not to. So whilst your friend probably knows she should leave the dog at home, she doesn't want to and you haven't asked her to, so that's her self -justification. Tell her otherwise very clearly.

I knew instantly I read that this would turn into another dog/dog owner hating thread and I think that's what most of us "weirdos" as you seem fit to call us have picked up on.

I am a dog owner and responsible one, she is very important to me and I make no apologies for that, however I would never take my dog anywhere without checking she is welcome first. In fact we have had people say "bring your dog, we love dogs" erm no thanks I will leave her at home then I can relax.

If you had actually bothered reading the full thread then you would see a majority of dog owners share my view but why let a chance to express your disdain for dogs and their owners pass you by?

Personally I think cats are a menace, they crap all over other peoples gardens, kill wildlife, disturb birds nests to name a few, but cats and their owners do not seem to have the same vitriol directed at them!

Op - Your friend is being thoughtless but you’re being ridiculous. If you don’t want the dog in your house then tell your friend. So ridiculous seething away instead of explaining to your friend that she can’t bring her dog to your house.

Btw I have a dog but wouldn’t let anyone bring their dog to my house as our dog has had some bad experiences and is reactive to other dogs. Our house also has expensive carpets….our dog loves them, spends a lot of his time lying on the floor luxuriating in the comfort of his expensive carpets.

You’re sat there being offended so that someone else doesn’t sit there being offended. Sometimes you just have to upset someone else so you can find your peace.

You're projecting your "what I would do" onto others.

You'll never completely understand another's POV. You'll drive yourself nuts. What one person thinks is polite is fodder to someone else and vice versa.

Youre also sort of babying and monitoring people's (adults feelings) by not saying something is an issue or a preference. Youre also cutting yourself off from having a voice.

You are completely OK to say "I love the way you look after the dog so much, but I don't want him in my house, sorry." and let her process that.

How she reacts is up to her. You can't police her feelings/thoughts. She might not be nice about it. Or she might. That's up to her how she choses to react.

This is a about the 5th thread I've read today by simply saying something would sort alot.

It’s called manners - you don’t push in front of a queue, you don’t walk into someone else’s house with your shoes on, you don’t take a dog to someone else house with asking.

I cant stand the smell of dogs.

The rules of a queue are universal. Rules about wearing shoes in a house are most certainly not. The onus is on you as the homeowner to advise that you would prefer guests not to wear shoes in the house for example. Stop being such a victim and moaning about your "friend's" lack of manners. Why are you unable to talk to her kindly?

Everyone has told you that you need to tell her clearly that she can’t bring her dog over anymore (even though she’s in the wrong to not ask) - are you going to or are you just going to continue to moan and seethe?

Yep, me too. Unnecessary.

But as another poster has pointed out manners are not universal. There will be some reasons the friend thought it was ok to bring the dog, OP said nothing so again how on earth is she supposed to know there is a problem.

Some people just want to take offence and you and the op are clearly that type.

Absolutely this! the house will stink of dogs afterwards and the poor cats will hate it (and probably start scent-marking to overlay the smell of dogs). I have cats, no dogs are allowed inside my house or garden.

A little white lie in this situation since I get why you'd feel awkward its gone on so long. Say your cats peed outside the litter box when dog was there last time and appears to be a stress response.

This

Such a weird thread

@Sally20099 I don't think anyone would deny the friend is behaving not right by not asking. But that's what's happened isn't it. So quite clearly you need to say something.

But all your retorts on this thread are about the friend. But you have the power to change what your friend is doing here. Or just continue moaning on here...

Dog owner here. I think she’s being very unreasonable especially as you have cats. I certainly would not want to have them locked away.

I wouldn't allow dogs in my house to terrify my own pets in their home so yabvu for allowing this. Yanbu to put a stop to it now, tell her her options are leave the dog at home or don't visit (or another possible option is to tell her the dog will be left in the garden but I wouldn't want to be left with her dogs crap in my garden to pick up)

Are you that immature that you cannot use your big girl words and politely say that you would prefer she didn’t bring her dog as it upsets your cats. Or to offer to meet somewhere else so the dog is not at your house. You know. Behaving like an adult

You equally don’t allow someone to bring their dog to your house multiple times without telling them you would prefer they didn’t. You sound like one of those women who just wants something to moan about. You ask a question on here, everyone else almost universally says the same thing, and you are blaming the friend. Grow up FFS

You're unreasonable to have not just told her. Sorry, from now on the dog can't visit. They shouldn't have got a dog if they leave it home alone the majority of the time.

You do know not everyone has good manners?? Also that what is considered good manners isn’t universally understood - just read any thread on what vs pardon (it’s definitely what btw!)

You are being ridiculous, your friend clearly isn’t going to suddenly come to a realisation that she should ask before bringing her dog. It’s an easy conversation - your cats are upset and stressed out so unfortunately your friend won’t be able to bring her dog to your house in the future. Job done. Or just carry on seething, moaning and allowing your poor cats to be upset and stressed.

I agree OP I would want a dog in my house either.
Why can you ask her to leave the dog at home or meet somewhere else.
I think it's quite rude to take a dog to soneone else's house without asking if it's ok.

Just tell her not to bring the dog any more, it is proving too stressful for the cats.

She clearly hasn't picked up on your hints and it's obvious she is not a mind reader either - so just tell her!

If she continues then to rock up with the dog, then send her away because at that point she really would be unreasonable.

How does one decorate their house for dogs? Bone wallpaper??

I really feel for you...... this is needing some drastic action. I'm sorry but my solution would not suit all. See if you can borrow a dog from somewhere and turn up at her house with it. You are not alone in your fear of dogs as I too was bitten as a child and have a irrational dislike too. It's just not fair that society does NOT cater for non animal lovers. Failing that then you will have to distance yourself from this MANIPULATIVE ' Friend' who thinks that her and her DOG'S needs come before yours.!!
Get a spy hole on your front door.
Put a sign up on your gate NO DOGS ALLOWED.
This Friend is A MANIPULATOR..Never forget that. And YOUR needs matter too......I've been exactly in your situation with a MANIPULATOR FRIEND.......I got bored in the end and blocked her for good.... best decision I ever made.

"one of my cats has been weeing on son's bed after your last 2 visits, puss gets so stressed. Would you mind not bring your beloved pooch as I can't be dealing with, it's not fair on everyone". Sorted!