Fed up with friend's dog

[Sally20099]

I’m utterly fed up with one of my friends always bringing her dog to our house. Whether she’s dropping in for a 1hr coffee or her full family come around for a couple of hours she always brings her dog. Everyone knows I am not a dog person; it is not a secret. I have two cats who I have to lock away in another room as they are indoor cats, I have to move all the cat food and cat trays as well. They spend the entire time terrified of the barking and hide under the bed. The house is not decorated for dogs - expensive carpet throughout. The dog is left alone all day while they are at work / school and has a walker visit. It can wait on its own for a couple of hours if they go somewhere that isn’t set up for dogs and they aren’t welcome. I love their company and the our eldest is best friends with their daughter but I am sick of the complete lack of bother about my preferences on this. Im not asking them to leave their children at home, it’s a stupid dog FFS. I obviously could be explicit and say don’t bring your dog, but I know she will get really upset - she’s one of these people who think her dog should be able to go into any pub, hotel, park area etc. it’s driving me nuts that she’s so dismissive of my feelings and would rather inconvenience me over herself / dog.

You don't speak for everyone.

You’re acting like it’s some horrific homophonic or racist slur, it’s a huge overreaction.

I have absolutely not made that comparison.

No but your reaction is exactly as as it is on a par. It is how you are acting. The OP said “stupid dog” - so what, exactly? She didn’t even say it too her friend and, even if she did, so what? A dog cannot feel offence, it’s a very normal way of describing something that it irritating you, the dog sounds very annoying…and it’s a flipping dog

And that is your opinion.

Yes - and you have no ability to justify why it is remotely so offensive so as to have derailed the thread with so many posters telling the op off for daring to refer to a dog on an anonymous forum as stupid

Because despite what you may think I don't need to justify my opinion to you or anyone else. It's not just me, as you yourself have pointed out.

This is not a thread about besotted and entitled dog owners, it is about an OP incapable or unwilling to stand up for herself. If you don't want the dog, grow a spine and say so, don't come on here to moan.

For goodness sake, this is the maybe the 3rd thread I’ve seen on here today that simply requires the OP to say no yet they don’t as the other person will ‘get upset’. This is manipulative behaviour, rid yourselves of being a victim of it. We have family who want to bring a dog and it’s a straight no. Them getting upset is not my problem.

You're not being unreasonable in that it's completely fine not to want her dog in your house, but it's a bit strange to say she's being dismissive of your feelings when you haven't actually told her how you're feeling.

I'm quite sure the dog is not reading this thread

It’s so funny the number of people saying it’s your fault for not saying no.
Sometimes, it’s hard to say no and then it’s harder to say no because you never have.
But of course, that MUST be your fault!!!
I have two dogs. I would never arrive at someone’s house with them without asking first if it was ok. Even more so if I know that person has cats that don’t like dogs.
It is basic manners to ask, enquire, check. Since when should the host have to be out in the position of having to say no and why.
I agree, if this has been going on a long time, it would mean that this friend just takes it as a given and wouldn’t even think to ask. So therefore, if it makes you feel more comfortable, I would suggest what others have, that the cats are showing signs of stress after the dog has visited and has weed on your bed. Therefore, regrettably, the dog is no longer welcome.

I woild tell her that one of the cats is showing signs of extreme stress (diarrehoea, loosing fur, hiding, etc) and you have been advised that she mustn't be exposed to any stressful situations, as it's cruel and making her ill. Explain that it's not just the noise from the dog in the house, but it leaves it's scent everwhere which causes your cat to be on constant high alert.

If your friend really loves her dog and would do anything she could to protect her from stress, she would surely be able to undestand you having to do the same for your cat.

I have a dog, have grown up with dogs, and absolutely adore them.
My MIL asked us to take our dog to her house when he was a puppy, as she wanted to meet him, but other than that, I've never taken him to anyone's house, and it wouldn't occur to me to do so.
I absolutely can't understand why some people think its acceptable to take their dogs to other people's homes.

All that being said, I think its ridiculous that you don't just tell her not to bring her dog.
You're an adult, put your big girl pants on and use your words.

"It’s so funny the number of people saying it’s your fault for not saying no.
Sometimes, it’s hard to say no and then it’s harder to say no because you never have."

Well, yes, that's why it's the OP's fault for not saying no, sorry, we can't do that again, the cats were really distressed, after the first time.

If we allow someone to do something, it is absolutely on us to explain to that person that it is not allowed again. Putting in passive-agressive hints and seething they've not been picked up by a supposed friend is just a terrible way to interact with people you're supposed to care about.

Personally, I think it is just good manners to reassure people that they aren’t expected to take their shoes (or anything else they are wearing) off in your house. But that’s the point: expectations are not universal, so words are necessary.

Because it's bloody rude to call something your friend values stupid whether that's her dog, house, car or bic pen.

You're not British are you?

You're not British are you?

You're not British are you?

You're not British are you?!

You're not British are you?!

You're not British are you?!

You're not British are you?!

Same