Offering someone a tissue when they cry

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I always thought it was a sympathetic gesture but was told today that it can be seen as you saying "stop crying, clean yourself up"

How do you see it?

I see it as a nice gesture.
It has happened to me a few times.

Wtaf?!?!

I see it as helpful. If someone gets upset at being offered a tissue I would feel that being seen to cry in front of me and not blow their nose (as usually a runny nose accompanies crying) was somehow an act and feel that I was being emotionally manipulated. I can't imagine crying and not getting a tissue or hankie out to blow my nose but preferring to appear snotty.

It's not true. I have done that training. Offering tissues was not part of the training. I suspect they are trying to start drama.

I am glad to see this. I would hate to think that MHFA are somehow being PA.

I mean, can you imagine? - forget strokes, heart attacks and the recovery position, let's talk about offering a tissue! 🤣

I would say many do than don't. There will always be outliers in any situation.

feel free to refuse a tissue.

Same here. When I'm crying I can't ask for anything! Someone just handing a tissue or a box of is much appreciated!!

Exactly this. I sometimes think people are trying to drive a wedge between people. Offering a tissue is a kind thing and totally acceptable as being a kind thing in the UK.

As with most things in life, I think it depends how you do it.

And as I say at every opportunity I get, life is so much better and more pleasant if, as far as reasonably possible, you take things in the spirit in which they were intended.

Yes, if someone is taking offence at being offered a tissue (not a tissue being thrown at them in annoyance) then it can come across as performative crying. Either that or they are misanthropes and no one can do right by them.

Yes I agree. It would make me think they were trying to manipulate me by crying and deliberately assuming ill intent. It comes across as very inauthentic indeed

That’s exactly it. Offer help but if they don’t want it then back off. I don’t want an uncaring society, we are not mind readers, we don’t know which distressed person would appreciate help and which one will turn on you like a rabid dog, but it’s better to risk it.

I've only ever experienced it as a box being nudged towards me, or someone running off to grab some tissue to then come back and continue listening. I have never experienced a 'shut up' tissue offer. Really sorry to those who have.

I worked in a hospital until I retired last year. I was once sitting in the cafe minding my own business when I saw a small group of people, one of whom was in floods of tears. I happened to have a new pocket pack of tissues in my hand bag so I just quietly went over and put them on the table. I didn't say anything, just went back to my table.

I hope that wasn't taken the wrong way... I just wanted to help.

I would like a tissue and would offer one.

Never interpreted it as a passive aggressive gesture.

Useful to know some would interpret it like that.

I've done this in A&E recently young woman by herself very upset left a packet on her seat while she went to reception desk went back to my seat checked she was ok and she just gave me a nod and a smile so depends on the situation

i would always offer a chat, or a hug first. And then going from there a tissue. Been on both sides of this recently and I appreciated a tissue and a hug, and I know the person I offered both to did as well

Do you offer the hug before you touch them? Or do you put a comforting hand on their arm or something first?

Crying = running nose and coughing for me. I'm going to want tissues. It's normally easy to tell who is uncomfortable with my tears and depending on who / circs I'm either going to let them sit in their discomfort/ move away from them / reassure them that I'm ok whilst being sad/angry

Gosh, if someone offered me a tissue when I was crying, I would be grateful……

Someone l work with had a terrible shock this week and was crying - my colleagise was digging her and she looked like she needed a tissue so of course l gave her one and no not to make her stop

If in doubt. Why not ask the person who is crying in a sympathetic manner.

Are you OK.
Do you need a tissue ?

See that’s the best approach. Even I could possibly deal with that at a push.

What I hate is when someone you don’t know sees you upset and decides to touch you without asking. I’m afraid it makes me get quite rude as I loathe anyone touching me.

A friend of mine worked with me when I was having a hideous time at work - she is the tactile type but she knew how I felt so she trained herself not to try to hug me 🤣

You might have to teach me. As I’m short people try to hug me or touch me. Even though they can see me back away.