Offering someone a tissue when they cry

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I always thought it was a sympathetic gesture but was told today that it can be seen as you saying "stop crying, clean yourself up"

How do you see it?

I thought offering someone who’s crying a tissue was just a normal thing to do, I didn’t realise it could mean something negative. I suppose it depends on the manner you offer or are offered the tissue. I’ve always done it as a way of trying to help and show support rather than to make them stop. I don’t like the feeling of tears and snot all on my face so I can imagine others don’t either and a tissue is a practical solution to that.

Exactly! If it’s intrusive to show concern then don’t intrude on other people’s space, go cry away from other humans.

Are you not keen on people generally?

All the therapists I’ve see have them in a strategic position! So the comfort is there

I do think it can disrupt the flow if you have to hand them to person - good to just let clients help themselves

I work in a hospice and have offered countless tissues and cups of tea. Never has it been taken as an insult!!

This made me chuckle 😂

Okay so how does that work? You can’t always do that in public - so if I’m in public and I’m crying I try to be as quiet as possible. I’m not one of those dramatic criers.

I tripped over and hurt myself in town recently and the shock and pain made me cry. I tried

I am AuDHD so maybe I don’t see it the same way but I prefer people to leave me alone.

Although giving a tissue is less irritating than when a stranger tries to put their hands on you to be ‘comforting’ 😬

Unless they’re throwing the box at your face and telling you to shut up, how can it be offensive? No wonder we don’t have community spirit anymore.

I'd interpret the tissue box in a manager's office or any other work desk as "keep your damn germs to yourself". Colleagues constantly sniffing instead of blowing their nose really annoyed me.

I'm a lecturer and frequently have students in tears in my office because they are worried about workload, money, or personal issues - I always offer a tissue, it genuinely wouldn't occur to me not to. Some of them like to tear it apart in their hands rather than use for their eyes/nose it so it acts as a kind of fidget toy.

As I had said, it’s not always possible.

People are too willing to insert themselves into the ‘drama’ of strangers so they can go away and tell everyone how kind they were.

I fell a few month’s ago and this woman came up to me and asked if I was ok. I thanked her, said I’d be fine and thought, what a kind lady.

Well good for you.

What a shame you interpret it that way from complete strangers.

Yes all very annoying. If I’m crying I’d be grateful for a tissue so I’m not snotting all over myself. Of course it, as an isolated gesture, doesn’t mean ‘stop crying’. Of course there may be other suggestions in body language/communication that gives this
impression.

Yes I agree. Good for me I didn’t think the kind lady was a drama seeking bish running off to tell all and sundry of her good deed for the day.

I always offer one to a patient with a 'let me get you a tissue, you cry away and tell me about it' I think it's more about your facial expression looking fairly relaxed and open

I've always seen it as an effort to be helpful when there's not a lot else you can do.

Never taken it as some form of chivvying along to get the crying over and done with or a suggestion to 'get over it'

My mum fell and was offered support by strangers. She was v grateful.
another elderly neighbour fell and she was luckily spotted by someone who called an ambulance.

I saw a girl on a bus being hassled by a man. I intervened. Not a chance was I going to not insert myself in that. I want someone to look out for my daughters and I’ll do
it for others.

A shame perhaps but doesn’t make me wrong.

it is has never occurred to me that handing over tissues could be interpreted as ‘stop that blabbing!’

I burst into tears once when I was telling my GP about something I was very stressed and upset about. I had to ask her for tissues. But I don’t think it was because she was worried about offending me by offering, I think it was because she so involved in listening to what I was saying.

I suspect I’m ASD and I dont like people hugging me. But I like a society that cares for each other.

The ‘drama’ of strangers??

You literally said you fell over and hurt yourself so badly that it made you cry.

Unless you’re someone who is dramatic and cries at the drop of a hat, then I would absolutely go and help someone if they fell over and hurt themselves so badly that they cried.

Its actually really sad that you would see someone fall over and really hurt themselves and just carry on going about your day without going to help them.

But if they are complete strangers how on earth have you concluded they’re drama seekers wanting to get glory from others for asking if you’re ok?

I always see it as a sympathetic gesture and i think it’s kind to offer as people are usually embarrassed about crying and don’t always have the means to wipe their tears or nose .
I wouldn’t see it as telling people not to cry but as a i possibly can’t help but as a this is the least I can do moment .