Offering someone a tissue when they cry

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I always thought it was a sympathetic gesture but was told today that it can be seen as you saying "stop crying, clean yourself up"

How do you see it?

Well I for one refuse to be the kind of person who won’t ask if a distressed person needs help. Rather be called a drama seeking, interfering cow than ignore someone who might actually want help. Nor would I just walk past someone who fell over without checking they’re ok. Call me an interfering, self centred, drama seeking biatch if that’s what that makes me. 🤷‍♀️

Maybe you need something to tell others you don't want any kind of interaction with any other humans no matter what is happening. A huge badge or funky coloured lanyard should do it.

Of course it is a nice thing to do.

Lots of people’s nose runs when they cry and they don’t want the tears running down onto their clothes.

I’ve always offered a tissue and would be grateful to have one if I was crying.

I fell over once. I felt so embarrassed when the car load of young people driving past pulled over to check on me.

But I’ve reframed that in my head to they were lovely to pull over and check on me. They didn’t have to.

I was thinking the same 😂

I don't at all find it offensive, I just don't like it. If it was already obvious I was crying eg. In the scenario you give I'm sure if be fine with it as I'd already be obviously crying in front of them, but generally I just don't like crying in front of anyone so I'd try to avoid that too!

I slipped over on some ice while heavily pregnant and a guy driving past on his car laughed his head off. It was not nice seeing him enjoying misfortune

I'd rather have been embarrassed by getting help x

That’s awful @Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar
i agree with you.

Sorry, but NO.

If you are going to cry in public and then get annoyed or offended when people hand you a tissue then thats on you.

Its not other people's fault they cant read your mind and that you actually want to be alone, even though you have chosen not to put yourself in a place where you are alone.

I actually think you are being really unkind to people trying to help you

I offer a tissue but say things like ‘that’s ok, let it out’.

I think it’s important to acknowledge we’re all different. I would absolutely hate a stranger approaching me if I was upset in public. If find it intrusive and embarrassing. Others might appreciate the gesture. There is no right or wrong answer.

When I was 9 months pregnant and had my arms full of food shopping in M&S, I slipped on a grape on the floor and fell over. About 8 people rushed to my aid. That was completely different and I was embarrassed of course, but grateful.

Big picture then is offer help but back away if not wanted. And it’s not personal. It’s the right thing to do to offer / check.

I'm a MHFA and it's covered in training, and considered to imply stop crying.

What does the training suggest to do instead?

Ive done that training for work and this wasnt said, ever.

i see it as tears pouring down your face and snot from your nose is itchy and uncomfortable for your skin. Here is a tissue to remove it. And to wipe up any running mascara. And it’s a caring gesture.

Not as weird as offering someone a glass of water when they are upset, as seen in practically every courtroom scene on TV.

I’d never thought of it as anything but a kind gesture until I read this thread! Will think twice now if I’m ever in a situation where someone is crying.

Don't overthink something you would only ever consider as an act of kindness. There is no need to pander to people who interpret every interaction with other people in the worst possible way.

Yes carry on as usual

people are being ridiculous

MN is an education in how any gesture at all towards another human being can be interpreted as negative and give offence. It is quite astounding.

Just do what you do honestly it is fine, human connection and empathy is important, just offer a tissue.

Yes. Seriously - remember that most people on MN are weird AF, socially awkward, and are not at all representative of the actual population.

In my real life world, offering a tissue would be perceived as kind and caring.

it is!!!

Wow. Things can be read into literally EVERYTHING these days! I have never, ever thought about offering a tissue as a passive aggressive move. Just wow!