Offering someone a tissue when they cry

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I always thought it was a sympathetic gesture but was told today that it can be seen as you saying "stop crying, clean yourself up"

How do you see it?

When i was a teen, crying over a boy on the bus 😂a lady gave me a tissue and said tissue for your issue? This made me laugh and then we had a little chat and that was that. I think its the way the tissue is offered is important

We were always taught to offer/slide a box of tissues across. Nothing to do with stopping people crying, but it’s for them to prevent/clean up the snot running down their face when they cry, so to preserve their dignity. I don’t recall anyone saying get being horrified by this. Some people are too traumatised/upset to take or use tissues, such as they may take one but not have capacity to use it for intended purpose, which is fine, never any judgement, only sympathy.

My daughter was finding things rough so my sister took her out for lunch to a pizza place, they both ended up crying into their pizza, poor 16 year old waitress heads over to their table, notices what going on and 180's, 30 seconds later she sidled up to their table with a box of tissues then ran for the hills..... they were both enormously grateful!

I wouldn't do it in a professional setting. I think people feel enough on the back foot if they've started to cry without making an almost parental gesture of passing a tissue, like they're incapable of managing their own body functions without a prompt. Tissues within easy reach in the table are the best way.

Totally depends on context

Yay. A new thing to be offended about/worry you are giving offence over.

Crying is horrible and it's a bit more comfortable if you have a tissue. Of course I'm going to offer one to someone who needs one. It's not about cleaning yourself up to look presentable, it's about not feeling physically uncomfortable with tears down your face and snot everywhere.

The only reason I wouldn't offer is we're in a pretend not to notice situation.

I know it's kind, but I don't like it as I'd prefer not to be noticed as I feel like crying is a private thing.
Eg. In the cinema I was crying (silently) watching Hamnet and the person I was with passed me a tissue. I didn't like it because I didn't want to feel observed.

If I offered a tissue it would purely be for them to wipe their eyes or nose, certainly not as a ‘can you stop now’. Never a good deed as they say.

If someone is using their sleeve or visibly
looking for a tissue then I give it. Otherwise no way im making it about myself by offering tissues and making them feel they need to stop.

This

Whoever told you that is full of shit!!

Oh who said this ? It is offering sympathy, it is never anything else imo.

When my stiff upper lip, (coming across as) emotionally repressed fertility consultant was telling me my longed for pregnancy was ectopic, he pushed a box of tissues very gently across his desk to me. I took that as a very sweet gesture.

Supposing you were with a friend and pouring your heart out over a broken relationship or something? Would a proffered tissue be offensive?

I must be odd because I’d be grateful for the tissue, I hate having a snotty nose or a wet face if crying.

I would never do this that seems intrusive, but if i was sitting chatting with someone who was visibly upset I might offer a tissue.

I’m a messy, snotty, horrible cryer.
I would see it as a kindness and be grateful, as usually I want to be less of a mess anyway.
If the person handing it is rude as well, that’s uncalled for. But I think most people would mean it kindly.

I've never been offended by the offer of a tissue and never offered one in the hope someone will stop crying, I've only ever thought of it as a kind gesture. I'm not going to stop offering a tissue if someone is crying and doesn't have one, they can feel free to be offended. I can't anticipate or control how someone might interpret it.

The only time I've ever offer a tissue in a slightly passive aggressive way is if someone keeps sniffing because they have a cold and think other people won't find it irritating.

Great user name for this thread!

At work we have tissues on every desk as sometimes/ regularly there’ll be tears.

Sometimes I’ll offer a tissue silently or they’ll ask if they can’t see them. But I always hold space, never rush them. It is in the tone I think.

I overheard an older lady saying to her friend that she wished she had a hanky when I was shopping in our local supermarket, I offered her one of mine from my handbag (brand new packet i might add) and she looked at me like I had horns sticking out my head while speaking a demonic language 😂.

So, I'll not be offering people hankies again!

I have never heard of it being a gesture meaning stop crying. A tissue is supposed to absorb your physical tears, that's all.

I've been kindly offered a tissue many times while blubbering in front of doctors, etc. and I've never been offended. Nobody wants to sit there all wet and snotty.

I think it’s worse the other way around when I don’t have tissues to offer. There comes a point when it feels like I’m ignoring their tears.

I had a therapist once who linked wiping your face with a tissue with covering up problems or something like that so I had to sit there with tears and snot running down my face, it felt a bit demeaning! I wouldn’t be offended at all if someone offered me a tissue or said they’d fetch one, I think it shows care. I once had someone (not a therapist) just say “your mascara’s running” without offering a tissue or anything else, so I think it’s kind to offer something even silently

Yes this, i have never heard of it being seen as passive aggressive.

How ridiculous of your therapist! It’s usually just to stop the tears dripping off your face and clear out the mucus from your nose so that you can breathe again.