Offering someone a tissue when they cry

[Cantheowneroftheredcorsapleasemovetheircar]

I always thought it was a sympathetic gesture but was told today that it can be seen as you saying "stop crying, clean yourself up"

How do you see it?

On the receiving end during therapy I did think she meant stop crying. Mainly because she pushed the box over as soon as I started crying! Timing and tone then is important.

Ok. Most people (not you, I get it) don't want snot dribbling down their chin. You might, but most people find that uncomfortable.

I work in an field where I'm often sat across from someone who is crying. I pass them a tissue and then we carry on. Most people don't take offense to this, I understand that you may have your own reasons for feeling like you do, but I promise you that offering (and even accepting) a tissue is no bad thing

I've been offered lots of tissues recently and not once did I think I was being told to stop crying.

Ironically my grandma told my mum to stop snivelling as they arrived at the cemetery for my grandad's funeral. So people can be mean as well

I would imagine handing a crying person a tissue would be a sympathetic thing to do.

Surely if you thought someone was crying unnecessarily you wouldn't hand them a passive aggressive tissue you'd just tell them to get a grip.

I see it as a useful gesture. I'm not a pretty cryer and always get a runny nose.

It's absolutely batshit to think the norm is for it to mean 'stop crying'.

I’d have thought it was a normal and sympathetic thing to do. No one wants tears running down their face, do they?

Unless it felt huffy/pointed, would 100% take it as “I see you, and I want to do this small gesture to help”

Bloody hell you can’t win can you? If you ignore them crying and dripping snot then you’re heartless.

If you place a tissue box beside them in a supportive gesture you’re telling them to stop crying?

How ridiculous. If I’m crying I want tissues.

this
I’ve always seen it as a kind thing people just do. According to these people maybe a hug or kind words would also be seen as a negative.

In my experience therapists have tissue in the room
but the leave it up to you - the reason being it can disrail you if offered tissues

I agree.

Some people are looking to be offended.

“hey are you ok?”- you’re being so nosy, not everyone feels comfortable sharing!”

”how can I help?” - don’t be so patronising, you can’t “fix” my problems!

“here are some tissues” - how rude! You want me to shut up don’t you?

stays quiet - OMG heartless - how can just ignore someone’s obvious distress?

🙄

I often cry in my therapy sessions. My therapist has many boxes of tissues (he has reassured me of this before!) and due to where the tissues are and where I am he will either pass me a tissue or the whole box.

But I’ve been seeing him a while so he knows that when I cry I do want tissues. He probably asked the first few times.

Really? It’s just good manners, kind and helps make them feel better. Who wants snot running down their face? Who wants someone else to sit and watch snot run down their face, when they could help instead?

It’s polite to ask rather than the. Struggle to wipe away tears with sometimes make up running down their face

But lots of people crying don't feel they can ask for a tissue. They feel entirely alone or abandoned, not in a fit state to ask their needs to be met. On the few occasions I've cried in public and been offered a tissue by a stranger it has seemed like a massively kind gesture. I remember each occasion.

I see it as a bit intrusive. If I’m crying then leave me alone!

I always pass tissues if needed! I mean they sit on my desk at work, but sometimes my clients wouldn’t help themselves Never thought of it as being a rude or a shutting down gesture! To me it’s a totally alien concept not to offer some kind of comfort if someone is distressed.

Then dont cry around other people - go somewhere quiet if you want to be completely alone

One of my team was crying last week as they arrived at work. I was heading into a crisis meeting, so couldn’t do much more than hand her my box of tissues (recent bereavement so they live on my desk) and say I’d be back soon, do what ever they need to do, just let me know.

I was surprised to see them when I got back over an hour later, tbh. I had expected them to go home. Apparently a box of tissues, some fresh air and a hot chocolate made them feel they could carry on with their day.

I thought it was for blowing the nose or am the only one who turns into a snot-monster when crying?

agree.

Im always offering my now adult DD tissues & have NEVER meant she should clean self up, what’s more when others have offered me tissues if i was tearful I’ve found it a comfort.

I don’t know anyone who sees it as stop crying.

Its a kind gesture that shows support and stops the embarrassment of a runny nose.

Its great for people who are a bit awkward and don’t know whether to give them a hug or not too.

Its a kind gesture

Yes it seems offering a tissue can be offensive these days. Best we simply all live in our own individual bubbles and pretend no one else exists except us.

As for messy crying, surely most people do that in private if they don’t want people showing care or concern.

Why are you crying around people then?
Thats weird.

Go to the toilet and cry there.