AIBU to expect some dinner in the house?

[Newboymum2023]

I've just got back from a Monday-Friday staycation with my DS 3yo. We've had a lovely time, but if you've ever been away with a toddler, you'll understand that's it's not exactly a relaxing holiday! It's been full on, no naps, later bedtimes than usual, on top of which he's been battling a cough/sore throat which I now have too. DH did not come with us as he didn't have enough annual leave at work. For context, DH works from home, 4 days a week (has one day off). He finishes at 6pm.
Anyway, I've got home and he's asked what I want for dinner to which I replied "what have we got". Well. Turns out we've got nothing (to make an actual meal, anyway). So now I either have to do bedtime on my own whilst he goes to the shop or vice versa. AIBU to expect him to have at least picked something easy up whilst I've been away? I know he's been to the supermarket at least 3 times to get food for himself. There's not even any milk in the fridge for a cuppa.

he's been to the supermarket at least 3 times to get food for himself. There's not even any milk in the fridge for a cuppa🤦‍♀️

That's not the point. Maybe there's enough food so they won't literally starve but I doubt OP and poorly toddler wanted tinned tomatoes on toast or whatever.

It would have been kind for her DH to be considerate given he's done no parenting all week and OP has just done a 3 hour drive.

Because my expectations are not on the floor.

My DH does cooking, cleaning, meal planning, child and school admin, childcare etc just as much if not more than I do.

I’d be irritated and a bit sad at the lack of consideration. And I’d be door dashing some milk and nuts for dinner using his bank card.

Why didn’t you do an online shop to arrive the night before you got home? You could easily have managed that. And yes, he could’ve too, but he was working whilst you were off having fun on holiday.

He was working, you were on holiday and could have sorted an online order.

It would have taken him ten minutes to do an online order or slightly longer to have popped out and made sure your fridge and cupboards were stocked. How bizarre.

i menu plan then do an online order each week. What a waste of time popping to the supermarket every day!

Why is the bar for men so bloody low?

He's been working and shes been 'minding the toddler'. Wow! is that what you really mean? they've both been working. And op plus toddler are both poorly and she's driven home for 3 hours and can't even have a cuppa when she gets home.

I have no idea. It's absolutely mystifying.

Milk and nuts for dinner? I'm trying to work out if that's a typo!

Couldn’t you two have communicated and one of you arranged a supermarket delivery for your return?

Don't people communicate with each other? I would have phoned or messaged and asked, 'What's happening about dinner?' Then either DH would have said, 'I'll sort it' or the ensuing exchange would have us settling on a takeaway or me picking something up. It's not hard.

Edited to add: This situation is why you should always have a box of fish fingers and some smiley potato faces in the freezer. You and your DH need to start thinking ahead.

I would have texted him to ask about availability of an evening meal and milk before I got home. Then, if nothing was forthcoming ,I would have arranged a Whoosh delivery or your preferred equivalent . It sounds as though the situation meant the whole family is out of their routine. Find a way to get back on track together. I might have been a bit cross about the milk situation myself though!

Yanbu. He's had more free time this week than you, given that you've been 100% responsible for a child throughout and he got a day off, and it's not something you should've had to ask about because there was a sentient adult with shop access in the house anyway. He's been to the supermarket himself ffs!

Going forward, good idea to have some more things for the freezer generally. Have a pack of emergency chicken kyivs or whatever you like, and keep it topped up. This is a joint responsibility, or alternatively one of you is in charge of keeping a stocked freezer and it's part of the overall division of labour.

Very inconsiderate of him, it would have been a nice thing for all the family for him to have got a special meal in to welcome you back, he could have got something really easy to make but created a nice feeling if all being back together but just didn’t bother, thoughtless.

I hate these assumptions that men "don't see mess", "can't organise food" etc. Of course they can....... if they think it's important. But there's a certain sort of man who thinks that domestic chores are beneath him

I'm all for berating a lazy husband but I would say as you were responsible for the toddler that day it would've been more at the forefront of your mind to think about his dinner. I would've texted dh in the morning saying, is there anything for tea? Or can you pick something up. Communication helps.

Ive already made clear in other posts that he should have been running the house

My post was in response to talking about peoples definition of 'nothing'.

It’s lack of thought, some tomato pasta with grated cheese would be basic but ok and take 30 mins tops to prepare. It’s just about feeling looked after and considered really. Or having basic ingredients at home so op could make a few toasted sandwich’s and tea?

I agree ! I’d have went for a bath while he did bed time then ordered a takeaway .

Yes exactly that. Being entitled is engrained in them to some extent, even the “good” ones.

Or the woman needs to phone or message him to remind him about having food in the house for his wife and child.

No of course not but it’s not really that big of a deal. There’s nothing in for dinner, so someone goes to the shop and buys something. Instead of just saying will you go to the shop or I’ll go to the shop, we’re making it a drama because bedtime will have to be done solo.

And indeed for himself.