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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU shouting at my partner for pooing when I needed to shower

203 replies

redvelvet7 · 19/03/2026 10:24

Hi
For context - we have a 7month baby, he works from home, I look after the baby the vast majority of the time mon-sun as he works long hours and does DIY on our house on weekends. I am on maternity leave. I breastfeed and co sleep with baby who wakes up a lot at night
, partner sleeps in other room. My time to get ready, relax or do something for myself is when baby is asleep. We have a toilet downstairs and shower and toilet upstairs. Historically have had discussions with him around pooing downstairs because I don’t want him pooing while I shower or to be in the bathroom at least for half an hour after. (We have had to have chats about toilet etiquette and how he needs to clean up his own poo and skid marks). his poos go on for ages and he sits and scrolls on his phone. He doesn’t want to poo downstairs as he prefers the upstairs toilet.

baby woke up at 7am, I waited until the baby was having first nap to shower, wash my hair, get ready etc. I’m going out to a baby class. Just got baby down for nap when partner went through to the toilet and sat down. I ran through and asked him to poo downstairs as I have a limited amount of time to get ready. Our baby is v clingy. He said he had already started (my opinion is he hasn’t, he just couldn’t be bothered to move).

I got annoyed at his selfishness, he said he wasn’t moving and would take as long as he likes (whilst ignoring me and scrolling). I called him names like fat and twat and got angry. He said he’d love to punch me in the face and later on at the end of the argument I said I wanted to smash his head at the wall.

He’s not speaking to me until I apologise; but I think he’s selfish and only cares about himself. What do you think

OP posts:
8books · 21/03/2026 15:40

YANBU unreasonable expecting him to shit in a different toilet, but being abusive and tolerating abuse is awful. Your poor baby!!

BudgetBuster · 21/03/2026 15:44

redvelvet7 · 19/03/2026 10:49

Believe it or not with the exception of these infrequent incidents we do have a happy normal non toxic relationship. In terms of the insults - for some reason yes they do get quite violent like that. He’s had a few instances of getting angry and grabbing me but it hasn’t happened in a while.

what set me off was just being ignored and like he didn’t care at all how his actions impact me especially as I take the hit when it comes to everything with the baby

You can't say "we don't have a toxic relationship" and then continue to describe a VERY TOXIC relationship in the very next sentence.

Honestly, please do not allow a poor innocent child to grow up with 2 parent who behave like this.

Excited101 · 21/03/2026 15:49

Good grief op. You both thought it was a good idea to bring a baby into this toxic mess??? Really?

you clearly have no respect for each other, don’t communicate properly and at least one of you has the emotional maturity of a doughnut.

this environment needs sorting out, your Abby will already be negatively affected by it.

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