AIBU shouting at my partner for pooing when I needed to shower

[redvelvet7]

Hi
For context - we have a 7month baby, he works from home, I look after the baby the vast majority of the time mon-sun as he works long hours and does DIY on our house on weekends. I am on maternity leave. I breastfeed and co sleep with baby who wakes up a lot at night
, partner sleeps in other room. My time to get ready, relax or do something for myself is when baby is asleep. We have a toilet downstairs and shower and toilet upstairs. Historically have had discussions with him around pooing downstairs because I don’t want him pooing while I shower or to be in the bathroom at least for half an hour after. (We have had to have chats about toilet etiquette and how he needs to clean up his own poo and skid marks). his poos go on for ages and he sits and scrolls on his phone. He doesn’t want to poo downstairs as he prefers the upstairs toilet.

baby woke up at 7am, I waited until the baby was having first nap to shower, wash my hair, get ready etc. I’m going out to a baby class. Just got baby down for nap when partner went through to the toilet and sat down. I ran through and asked him to poo downstairs as I have a limited amount of time to get ready. Our baby is v clingy. He said he had already started (my opinion is he hasn’t, he just couldn’t be bothered to move).

I got annoyed at his selfishness, he said he wasn’t moving and would take as long as he likes (whilst ignoring me and scrolling). I called him names like fat and twat and got angry. He said he’d love to punch me in the face and later on at the end of the argument I said I wanted to smash his head at the wall.

He’s not speaking to me until I apologise; but I think he’s selfish and only cares about himself. What do you think

Crikey, there's a lot going on here OP and it's much more serious than which toilet he uses.

Why were you both so angry? Do you often tell the other one you want to physically harm them? Is that actually the norm in your relationship?

What on earth happens when you argue over something far more serious?

It all sounds awful but if you’d told yourself earlier in the relationship that you deserved someone who was toilet trained you wouldn’t be in this vile situation now.

I've been married for almost 50 years and have never once have I had to contend with a dirty loo or bathroom after my husband has used it, and I’ve never had to deal with shitty underpants either.

My severely autistic son is immaculate in all things toileting and if he can do it so can your husband.

This is all so odd.
You sound very controlling (he needs to be out of the bathroom 30 minutes before you want to use it?) and abusive.
He sounds inconsiderate - I don’t think there is anything wrong with him nipping to the loo before you jump in the shower but he shouldn’t be sitting there on his phone.

I can’t believe this is real

if it is then you need to end this relationship - you are both as bad as each other

I don’t think it’s much to ask him to use the downstairs loo so that you don’t have to shower and get ready in his shit fumes. He won’t change. I’ll tell you why. He doesn’t see what the problem is. It wouldn’t bother him so why should it bother you. He sees it as you’re just picking on him

The pooping bit - he should've used the other toilet and you're right to be annoyed.

The shouting at each other bit - neither of you come out of this well.

Do people expect another person who has just sat on the loo to get up and go to another loo? I really find that ridiculous.

His need to use the toilet was greater, at thst point, than your need to shower. 🙄

I feel sorry for the baby. Parents who cannot use a toilet properly and hurl abuse at each other and/or get physically abusive.

This actually made me laugh out loud, especially the last sentence. Sorry, I think this is a serious post. I think you will just need to get on with your shower. It is selfish of him when you are on limited time, completely get that. He is being a dick. It wouldn’t actually bother me if my partner needed a poo in the same room whilst I was in the shower but he wouldn’t. He would have the decency to use the downstairs loo. I think it’s more just your partner’s attitude that is the problem.

Your poor child

What do I think?
I think your poor baby!!

Seriously! You have a child. Stop behaving like one yourself. Same goes for hubby.

This.

I was reading along getting angry at him for you (I also have a baby a similar age so absolutely get how difficult it is to even shower everyday at this stage) but then with the name calling you lost me. Arguments like that shouldn’t be happening especially with a child in the house.

I think apologies are due all round and a commitment to not let this become normal behaviour.

Can you speak to your health visitor service? I know mine offer a relationship course for surviving the baby stresses.

Oh for goodness sake. Going to the loo always takes precedence over a shower. You can wait to have a shower, if you need the loo you need the loo!

But you both sound like you overreacted to the situation.

Can you put a second loo in anywhere?

Have you tried actually reading the OP?

Why on earth are you together, you both sound violent and awful.

He was pooing
wait your turn
cheeky madam

the least of your problems is where he shits. You sound awful and it’s not a healthy environment to be raising a child in. Grow up - both of you, learn some respect and get some therapy as it’s obv downhill from here.

That really escalated at the end 😂

YABVU Poor baby being brought up in house with aggressive shouting. This is not an okay relationship. Think about how its going to affect baby. You need to take a few deep breaths and calm down. Maybe he feels more comfortable going poop in bathroom but you both need to be more accommodating and kinder to each other.

This is dreadful. Never more grateful to single!

When the baby is awake and they’ll miss their class? If one needs shower and one needs loo then surely he can use downstairs loo

The baby was having a nap according to the first post. It takes 5 minutes to have a shower. Leaving the baby for a few minutes in a cot while she has a shower if that's necessary isn't going to cause harm. Having an argument about someone using the loo probably took longer than it would have taken him to use the loo.
Neither of them should be shouting or calling each other names or offering violence, to be clear.

Are you always this controlling? Dictating the exact location and time he's allowed to poo...

I can imagine the thread from him now... "Can't even poo in my own home, DW threatened to beat me up, was I wrong to snap back?"