Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

hotgirlsummer26 Good on you, is what I say!

I've been called a bitch and far worse over many years because I refuse to bow down to worship anyone and their expectations of me!

I'm 60 and never married, no kids, only ever lived alone, all my choice, as I don't like most men and most kids, but I was expected to be a subservient housewife and mother, no job, life or brain of my own, so when, aged 6, I said NO, it will NEVER happen, all of a sudden I was a selfish bitch!

Loads of work situations, Various people over the years just coming around to my house, uninvited and unexpected, expecting me to let them in so I could sit there for hours listening to their boring tales of Butlins trips and the taste of the Full English breakfast they had. I refused to let them in, wouldn't answer the door, and if I was out and just coming home and they saw me, expecting to come in, I always said no, I'm busy doing other things, so I'm a cold bitch!

Etc etc.!
So, hotgirlsummer26 carry on saying no, you have every right not to bow down to your husband's demands, in-law demands, and so on!

I wouldn't say you are being a bitch in any of these examples. And wtf to your husband telling you to wear makeup. That's really not normal

LOVE this, I'm gonna get a poster made 😁

Usually those that complain about you setting boundaries are the very people who benefitted from you having no boundaries in the first place.

My exact first thought too!
Who does he think he is?! Telling you you look a state?! 😡
Sounds like he's the problem.

"Thanks for that, Brad Pitt"

Love it 😁 I'd definitely say something like that

@MayaPinion
Well done on fighting back. If your partner tries to pull that shit again just reply, ‘Thanks for that, Brad Pitt’, or, ‘Brave words from a man who looks like a thumb/a pitbull/a donkey chewing a wasp’.

Can I add "Like a bulldog licking p*ss off a nettle" to that list?

Edited to quote correct poster!

I did this. I was a massive people pleaser, the point where it massively effected me. I even let a family member basically have solid use of my car for 6 years!
I put my foot down and started to put myself and the kids first, I no longer speak to any of my in laws and a few friends got pissed off that I wouldn’t drop everything and come running every 5 seconds but it was worth it!

One more tip - make no your default answer. Then if you go away and think it over you can change it to yes if you want, but not if you are responding to pressure, blackmail or emotion. If you are pressed to give a quick answer, always say no.

I despair that we still live in a world where a man who starts what he wants is arrive and a woman who starts what she wants is aggressive.

As one of those "aggressive" women, I urge all women to join me!

I've done so much stuff to my detriment. I refuse to anymore. I didn't want to marry my 1st husband but like a doormat I did. 100 per cent people pleaser.

I’ll let you in on a secret - I like people who say no - or even say what they mean -

Fancy doing C on Friday - sorry no
Fan cy doing X on Friday - oh let me check my calendar and get back to you - then don’t / or say we’ll come but meet you there for 10 mins - or i’ll drop the kids to you go shopping with another friend try and get away and get the kids at 7 -

Just say No do I can arrange something else the people pleasers just create chaos

ME TOO! I would far rather someone told me straight away - "sorry thats not my thing/ I cant make that/ I dont want to attend that/ I am tired and simply dont have the energy at the moment"

Than someone saying "yes great!" and then letting me down right at the last moment, flaking out, cancelling last minute with an obviously made up lie or lame excuse which could well involve me wasting money on tickets, wasting food prep, wasting time arranging childcare etc

The second option ends up messing people around far more

I did this last summer and I also started putting in the same amount of effort that people did with me . Wow, people really don’t like it I’ve had comments like you’ve changed , you’re a bit arsey these days, I thought you’d dropped off the earth not heard from you in soo long 😂😂 it gives me a laugh actually. I was sick of being a yes man and being put on so I stopped . Like you I live the freedom

Good on you. My heart sings reading this. I wish I had grown a backbone. I am a people pleaser and it actually brings more stress than saying no

Nicely put. I thought this too.

If any man told me to go and put makeup on I'd gouge their eyeballs out with my eyelash curlers!! They wouldn't have to look at me then would they 😂

Why not simply select a man from the overwhelming majority that don't provide makeup instructions?

The only men who I know who provide makeup instructions are men who are not attracted to women.

Wow, did you do a course in Victim Blaming or do you just have a natural talent?

I dont know if you are aware but men who turn into dickheads (clue: TURN INTO) dont start out that way or rather they do but they hide it well. They gradually allow it to surface. Its insidious. It creeps in over the years, the taking for granted, the disdain, the resentment. How on earth do you think that abusers can still get a partner despite all that they are?

I really hope that if you have a direct line to the future and can see what will happen with each particular man you meet, you do the decent thing and share it with the rest of womankind. I could have done with it when I married a kind loving generous man who beat me to a pulp and almost murdered me.

Why on Earth do you feel it necessary to criticize a woman for finally standing up for herself?

I dont know if you are aware but men who turn into dickheads (clue: TURN INTO) dont start out that way or rather they do but they hide it well. They gradually allow it to surface. Its insidious. It creeps in over the years, the taking for granted, the disdain, the resentment.

This is true but it's also the case with plenty of women. The type that moan and henpeck their husbands at every opportunity making you think "why did you marry him if you hold so much contempt for him?" The truth is that they weren't always a miserable old battleaxe lol. My mother is like this.

Its a real shame that you think women having firm boundaries is being a Bitch OP but sadly you are not alone in that

My father was an aggressive man and I inherited his temper. So Ive always been a bit of a madam when someone tries to boss or manipulate me. I once had a job as a dominatrix on a sex chat line and thoroughly enjoyed it. I also terrified an obscene phone caller (I was advertising a bed for sale) to the extent that he rang back an hour later and apologised. If you do not tread on my toes you will probably think I am a nice quiet middle class old lady who keeps herself to herself. Aggress against me and I will go full nuclear and put you in your place.

🤣🤣🤣 I actually could feel that. Laughing so hard. People say I shoot from the hip but that was brilliant.

I don’t know, I don’t think there’s much more patronising than telling someone they have ‘work to do.’ I mean…