Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

No indeed. Normal conversation.

You're not a bitch, but your husband sounds horrible.

He's entitled to an opinion on your style, just as you are on his, but your hair etc, your choice.
I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with what you said to the mum at all-you simply said your kid had eaten. Unless you screamed, what is bitchy about that?
Your in-laws, well that depends. It's nice to be friendly and you never know when you will need them for something, so I'd just politely say could you message so we can arrange times to suit us both.
Like most posters, it's your language I have the issue with. The world's a nicer place if we all try to please people, the issue, and the reason it's become a buzzword, is if it's all one-way, and that's not being a bitch. I try to please people within reason, as long as it's a two-way street.

Love this for you!!!!

IReading the post the OP is doing what she wants and not listening to others anymore

Ive been like that op all my life i was just born with it.

Well done but why are you putting up with your husband?
Now you have stopped wearing make up on demand, having a hairstyle you don't like and running round after his family without agreement or notice he is insulting you. Did he do that before or is he trying to squash you back into place?

I cannot believe you not only stayed with someone who told you to wear make up but you also went and put it on when told to. I'm sensing something has snapped for you though OP, so good luck with the rest of your journey!

Apologies, I’m not sure what your point is.

Are you Indian/pakistani OP? This kind of people pleasing is completely expected of women in this culture and if you say no you are definitely regarded as a bitch and it’s seen as something to be corrected. However it is actually completely ok, as pp said as long as you are respectful.

You're not being a butch you're being normal. You used to be a doormat.

Have a buzz cut next time, they're great.

I love it. I started this in my 30's, had enough of people being tossers around me and my lack of confidence not stopping them. Am so pleased that people are starting to listen to you!
Some people will call you a bitch though and some may even fall out with you because they can't handle it but those people I've found were the selfish ones who only want what they can get out of you.. so no loss.

I’ve stopped giving a fuck.

I let every toxic pain in the arse slip out of my life and it’s so much better… this includes my own family but it’s been a long time coming. I’ve put up with far too much snidey shite all my life. I avoid the people who make me stressed.

Bravo! Am pleased for you. And yes, me too. It's really freeing isn't it? All that drama and it's gone and so much happier for it. I actually don't think about them now as if I do I can feel myself go into a darker place and I'm much better off out of it.

OP, you sound like you are surrounded by twats. Your husband... my god. You need to cut some people out of your life. You only go around once, why do it with someone who insults your hair and face?

I think just ditch your husband, everything will fall into place.

Good for you. I saw this described on social media as going from Golden Retriever to Black Cat. Perfectly sums it up I think. And something I can definitely relate to after having my two sons. Meow.

This. 'Being a bitch' imo means being spiteful, mean or unnecessarily rude. It's also an unpleasant term.
Being firm and not allowing others to be rude to you or belittle you isn't being 'bitchy' it's just saying 'up with this i will not put'.

Absolutely.

I so wish there was a laugh emoji we can use on the first response!

I am so trying to do this, and u would say I’m half way there but I get set backs. I cannot wait for the day I truly do not give a fuck about what people think of me.
People pleaser since childhood and it’s hard. I so admire those that have turned things around.

I think the OP needs some sympathy about her use of "bitch". So many self-confessed people pleasers who post on MN are absolutely crippled by the way any action of theirs to assert themselves will incur the disapproval of others. So, yes, such actions feel bitchy to them as it goes against their "be kind" way of thinking.
Certainly the push back they so often get (as did the OP) is evidence that it takes two big efforts, one to draw the line in the sand and maintain it, the second to deal with the push back.

Sounds like you’ve found your voice. None of what you’ve said makes you a bitch but it serves the people who are witnessing this change in you to make you believe you are. Stay strong

Are you mid 40s by any chance. Peri menopause has given me a sudden persomality change.
I can see right through people now and cut people off like its going out if fashion.

Its shortlived