Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

it is a double standard neither word should be used then

I’m not advocating for calling anyone bastards either, but if you think calling a woman a bitch is equivalent to calling a man a bastard you are ignorant of the long history of how that word has been used to belittle, silence, and control women.

What's bizarre is the insult to OP as opposed to supporting her awakening. Your post seems to suggest you wouldn't put up with that behaviour from a partner and OP has decided she no longer will. Why are you not applauding that?

Ha, @hotgirlsummer26 , bejeysus.

I was never 'Nice'...

What awakening? the op has stopped being a doormat

But you can call yourself a bitch. You can reclaim it.
It's just a word for a female dog and they are fab.

Ha I don't care what anyone calls me...

Good for you. The way I see it is you get one life and you should live it to make yourself happy. I find the nicer you are the more you are walked over. It is sad but unfortunately it is a selfish world. In my own experience menopause has made me less of a people pleaser. I have always been outspoken but it has stepped up a gear since I hit my forties!🤣

You can be nice and stand your ground (as you seem to be being with most of your interactions, other than telling your DH to piss off!). Never found people pleasers to be anymore nice than other people.

Bastard is also wrapped up in years of oppression.

The only way to make these words lose their taboo power is to not care about them being used any more than other words.

You're not being a bitch.You're just being normal. You don't exist to serve and affirm other people. None of us do.

Honestly, I don’t think you’ve achieved much at all.

You’re still being massively disrespected by your DH and in laws.

Glad you feel better, but you’re still being treated badly.

Good for you OP.

It's life so much better for you now? It's quite liberating saying no isn't it.

I lost some friends when I got to this stage too. I see now they weren't actual friends but were users.

You are not unreasonable.

Don't worry about it, you're expressing yourself and exercising your voice for the first time! After a while you'll find a balance and your comments will be expressed in a more gentle manner.

This does seem to just happen with age and all the pp said, it’s just assertiveness. People might not like you more but they will hopefully have more respect.

Not bitchy at all, just sticking to your guns. Be proud of who you are. They will get along with it.
We cannot be too soft in this world!

that remark about the fruit was uncalled for

It's not being a bitch or rude, it's just being a regularly assertive human being. I'm sorry you were not raised to think it was normal to stick up for yourself.

Good on ya gal! You are no longer the yes girl, cheers to becoming the 'stick it up your arse girl' and being liberated from negativity 👊🫶🙏

(literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face). In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run. Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks.

How on earth is any of this being a bitch? It’s just normal everyday reactions. Being a bitch would be telling your DH you have no need to wear make-up because of how ugly he is, telling your in-laws you can”t stand them and never want them in your house, ever and telling the school mum to go fuck herself. What you describe is polite.

What kind of sad excuse for a man tries to decide what makeup you wear

"There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it)" I think your husband is being deliberately cruel. He is lying because he wants you to feel to feel bad about yourself so he can get his passive wife back. Don't believe a word of it!

Good for you for asserting normal boundaries, it feels like a massive deal if you’ve been taught that having boundaries is being unfair to others. Well done OP, keep going!

I love this, go girl! YANBU of course. Your daughter will grow up strong because of these decisions and changes you’ve made now 😊

Wasn't there a chapter is one of the self help books, maybe the Lundy book, about this?

Iirc even the chapter was named Being A Bitch or something along those lines. Basically it was that as a women, we have to set boundaries to avoid being walked over.