Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

Try this https://baggagereclaim.co.uk/healthy-boundaries-are-as-much-for-you-as-they-are-for-everyone-else/

Definitely feeling your vibe.
I'm not prepared to put up with being taken for a doormat, if I'm treated badly I will walk away. Life is too short.

You are being very unreasonable in that your heading called this behaviour "being a bitch".

If more women stated their needs more clearly more often we'd have a very boring forum and they'd have much happier lives.

I spend my f*cks wisely these days 😀😂😀

m.youtube.com/watch?v=GwRzjFQa_Og

😂😂 thank you so much mumsnetters! I appreciate the overall support and advice! Some of your comments made me laugh so hard. So glad to see I’m not the only one. And to those who have asked how I’m doing it.. honestly, when someone says something.. pause for a second before replying, if it doesn’t work for you, then simply say “no”. Don’t try to negotiate or reason, just say no! You can use more colourful language but I’ve been told to find a balance 🤣 -

Who's told you to find a balance?

It is fundamentally not taking responsibility for other people’s responses and it is very freeing. I spent years people pleasing and putting up with all sorts to avoid upsetting someone else. Now I respond respectfully but firmly with my boundaries and keep any emotion out of it. Then I don’t feel responsible for how they chose to process it.

it is life changing and some people don’t appreciate it but they tend to be the ones who took advantage.

In the 1980s women learned ‘assertiveness training’. maybe you need a dose of it.

As an aside, I’m really shocked your husband is telling you to wear make up and he doesn’t like your hair ! What a controlling tw#t

Sorry what? Your husband tells you to put make up on?

Call it being a bitch if you want to, and tell the women on here who are policing your tone to go fuck themselves.

Well done on asserting yourself.

FWIW, I would contact my in-laws and let them know that I have errands to run on certain days and so won't be available and ask if you can pick a time to see them but it obviously depends on your relationship with them.

Standing up for yourself, and not putting others first, is not being a bitch

There’s nothing bitchy at all about your behaviour and if anyone has a problem with it it’s their’s not yours. I was always a people pleaser but as I’ve got older I gave up worrying about what people thought of me. I’m 62 now and some days I have no fucks to give. It’s quite liberating.

Was that comment from your husband too?

Wow - tbh it sounds as though your DH and his entire family are a bit toxic/judgmental. Being assertive and boundary setting seems to be long overdue. Well done on taking the steps!

After I had my 1st I honestly completely changed (was also a people pleaser) I am now very assertive in work, social and home life and it’s great

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore,

Would that be people who only visited when they wanted something?

Ooo this reminds me of that B.I.T.C.H
Babe
In
Total
Control of
Herself

You're not a bitch, you're just no longer a doormat or a pushover.
Good on you

You and a big dh problem. Honestly, everything else is irrelevant. Why on earth are you putting up with that?

Exactly this!

Men being aggressive is all good. But women being assertive is a terrible thing. Make it make sense.

Your husband is abusive.

It's very common. I'm surprised you've not heard that in real life!

It's not even assertive, is it? Assertive suggests being pro-active. This is all reactive, just not being a complete doormat.

Yes, this. I cannot imagine in a million years my DP 'telling' me to wear make-up or saying I 'look a state'.

And that mum: my response would have been 'what are you on about?'
I genuinely don't get why someone would think a kid eating fruit meant they hadn't had breakfast.