Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

It sounds like you have discovered how to be normally assertive rather than being a bitch?

I applauded you OP, and still voted YANBU, but the word ‘errands’, unless you’re American, would be much better said along the lines of ‘I have shit/stuff I need to be getting on with’.

I am so very proud of you!

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it)

why are you with someone who says you look a state? What the point of him?

you think you've made a major break-through, well a major breakthrough would be getting shot of a man who "hates" your hairstyle and tells you so.

The problem is people are used to you being a people pleaser. None of your examples sound bitchy. At all. That's normal me. So I think you will get some pushback because people have pegged you into a role now so it's on you to crawl out of it.

Your DH sounds awful.

100% this ! It’s so misogynistic

You are not a bitch but your husband is a cunt

Doesn't sound like you're being a bitch, to me. Just, asserting yourself. I still wouldn't have explained myself to the mother who was making catty comments about the breakfast, but at least she's shut up now.

I used to be a massive people pleaser. Really and truly to my detriment. I'd offer to pay for absolutely everything on nights out (no I'm not remotely well off. I just thought it'd buy me friends). I stayed at a hotel with a friend once, and when we went to pay the next day I told her "no! Put your purse away! I'll get this!" Again - not well off, just trying to be popular.

No one ever said "no, don't be silly" - they all just shrugged and put their money away.

I guess I also enjoyed the "feel-good" feeling. Thing is, that only lasts a few minutes.

One day I decided I wasn't going to do it anymore. And of course I lost all but two of the friends who I'd subsidised for decades. But I'm so much happier, and the people who are in my life are in it for a good reason.

Good luck op. You've done great!

@hotgirlsummer26 your DH isn’t much of a darling is he? You could do with being a bit bitchier to him.

Yes, it's freeing. The problem was that's where I stopped. I'd suggest you don't. Your husband is still saying unpleasant things, that hasn't changed. See him for what he is and consider telling him where to go permanently.

And isnt it amazing how its only the people who like to take advantage of people pleasers that call us bitches when we start to say no?! And often these are people who wouldnt hesitate to say no to others.

Welcome to the dark side OP.

The beginning of peri menopause starts to liberate that little girl inside you who has been shouting out for years. The end of peri menopause is when you've turned into a fire breathing dragon scorching everything in her path. HRT tends to be a fire extinguisher but you are still a formidable no-fucks dragon. Embrace the new you.

If you go from being a doormat to a sudden reverse change people will notice, you can be assertive but not bitchy so we don't know how you come across to other people

We only have your version of how you are acting

Bin off the hubby! A man who would dare say to his wife "you look a state" is not a man, he's a pig! 🐷 You deserve better gal x

I really don't think telling a school mum your daughter has porridge for breakfast is "being a bitch" 😂😂😂

You are not being a bitch. You were a doormat before.

As everybody has said, living with a man who moans if you have a bare face or short hair and says you look a state, is not standing up for yourself.

The people who complain about boundaries being enforced are, 99 times out of 100, the same people who were massively taking the piss, being nasty and stomping all over those boundaries. And they now have the raving hump because you aren’t letting them do it anymore.

Your husband and his family don’t sound very nice at all. Does being married to him make you happy? Is this something you want for the rest of your life?

You would be part of 'my tribe' if I knew you IRL. Keep going 💪🏻and quite frankly fuck anyone who doesn't like new, assertive you. They can jog on

Setting boundaries, respecting yourself and not being a door mat is not "being a bitch" - It's being an adult.

Setting boundaries! My DSis told me I had to take Mum for mother's day as she is a Mum too amd had to be celebrated. Neglected to acknowledge I am also a mum! 🤷‍♀️ anyway took Mum out Sat night instead which she was delighted with

Wouldnt let me write long post.
DSis is screwing, blocking me off SM so she doesn't need to see photos etc. She is 44 😂😂 i couldn't give a toss. I am done with dealing with BS! She didnt like a boundary being set!!

It sounds like the next step is to ditch the husband and upgrade.

This ^ with bells on !

When you start to be assertive OP you'll find that relationships and friendships you had before that start breaking down all over the place.

But these are people in your life that you don't need, so don't fret.

Better people will come your way who aren't users or manipulators.

Keep up the good work !🙂

This x 💯