Being a bitch- seeing results

[hotgirlsummer26]

Has anyone else realised that once you start putting your foot down and saying no, people tend to start to listen?

I was very much a people pleaser up until this year when I snapped and thought, enough is enough. I’ve seen my relationship change for the better (literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it, whereas before I used to go running to fix my face).

In-laws used to pop over whenever suited them and expected me to stay and host them as did husband. Now I just walk out saying I have errands to run.

Same thing with parenting clubs, a mum who used to make digs at me like “your daughter eating fruit in the morning, has she not had her breakfast?” And now I just reply saying, she likes her fruit and has had porridge for breakfast thanks. No more comments from her.

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state (cut my hair short because I wanted to and he hates it), Some side eye from some mums- but overall just a general improvement in my quality of life!

Anyone else experience this or have I turned into one of those bitchy people no one likes and will probably die alone :) ? Although honestly at this point, I wouldn’t care- I feel so light and care free!

AIBU- nice is the way
AINBU- no one listens to nice

I don't think you're being a "bitch" enough - you're still with the guy calling you a state and telling you to wear makeup!

Sounds like you've entered your give-no-fucks era, I've heard this happens to many women 😆

I think the problem here is you need to get rid of your husband. Then you can be a bit nicer as, as a general rule, I think it is more pleasant not to need to be so snappy. I know you are having an initial rush to the head, but after a while, isn't it easier just to be round people who don't require this kind of approach?

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state

@hotgirlsummer26 If "no-one wants to come round" because of your haircut then you need new friends. And probably a new husband too! 😁

You may have turned into a bitchy person, but honestly being your authentic self is more valuable.

Someone called me a bitch recently. I thought about and realised, you know what, yes I am one, because I go with what I want and challenge others if things are out of order. As long as your manner is pleasant enough and you’re not a downright Karen, nought wrong with it. It’s called not allowing yourself to be bullied.

welcome to the club!

When rage reaches the “can’t be arsed with this shit anymore” stage - that’s where the magic happens!

There has been backlash, husband saying no one wants to come over anymore, that I look a state

You started to voice an opinio and cut your hair to suit yourself, and now he puts you down.

What a weak, sad little man.

Yes ! And for good!

Well done for making the change. My mum did it with my dad after 60 + years of marriage. (She nearly died and when she survived, decided not to be that person anymore where my dad is concerned. )
He has a permanent look of hurt confusion about him nowadays but he is starting to get used to it/learn to live with it. It’s never too late ladies!

When you’ve had enough you had enough. It’s not called bitching is survival.

Came here to say exactly this.

It’s not being a bitch, it’s standing up for yourself.

Ps your husband sounds like a massive ick.

@hotgirlsummer26 literally tell him to piss off when he tells me to wear makeup and the guy just accepts it

Very strange and unusual for a man to tell a woman to go and put on makeup, and even more bizarre that you selected that man as a partner.

It's called 'The Great Unfuckening' 😀

Bitch is a horrible misogynistic word. Does your husband call you that?

Even if he doesn’t, he needs ditching. Never let a man or anyone else tell you how to look. Your body, your choice.

Karen is also a misogynistic term.

You're not being a bitch, op.

You're just out of fucks to give: welcome, come on in. It's like a Brave New World of no longer giving a shit just to please people who never give anything back. Maybe it's peri, maybe it's WW3 ever circling at the hands of men in suits, maybe it's just about damn time, who knows.

👏

@hotgirlsummer26 Teach me. How do you stop the people-pleasing? The only person I'm not trying to please is me, and I want to change!!!

Oestrogen sprinkles magical fairy dust over everything for a decade or three. Once that dwindles you wake up one morning and think: "has everyone ALL been this dickish this whole time? Fuckthisshit" and then you are Free

Sounds like you're just standing up for yourself. There's a huge gap between 'taking no bullshit' and being a difficult person. It's just finding the balance. There are defo men that people don't mess with because they don't want their teeth knocked out, but it doesn't sound like you're anything close to that.

I wouldn't be told how I should cut my hair but I do like to make a bit of an effort for my partner though. Just because I'd hate it if he got a beer belly, farted indiscriminately, and let his beard get scruffy lol.

It’s disrespectful and sexist to call a woman a bitch, even in ‘jest’.

The examples you give sound simply assertive, rather than rude. Some people find assertive women ‘difficult’ because they believe women should be agreeable and subservient. Their problem to deal with.

The only thing to avoid is telling your DH to ‘piss off’. Tempting though it is, best not to lower yourself to abuse in response to his disrespect, sexism and controlling demands over how you should look. Hold your head high, laugh at how preposterous he sounds and tell him you’ll look how you please.

Then consider what attracts you to him.

It’s disrespectful and sexist to call a woman a bitch, even in ‘jest’.

This seems to be the general view but I've always wondered why it's considered worse than calling a man a bastard - e.g. "he's a right grumpy bastard".

I say call yourself what you like, I think it’s quite funny that you are getting so many replies still telling you what to do! Sure, that word doesn’t have great connotations, but if you want to use it, you go ahead!

What has being autistic got to do with it? I'm the same btw (although not autistic afaik) so I totally approve of your assertiveness.

Because it’s wrapped up in decades of female oppression and is often used to put a woman back in her box when she dares to attempt to assert some boundaries