Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends

4 years ! wow

have you actually met him in the flesh / real life

and recently he told me he wants to be with me

ooh I wonder why ?!!!

and now he’s speaking about meeting me

so you haven't met yet ?!!!

why not ?

4 years is a long long long time

but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa

he doesn't need to stay for long, what is wrong with him coming over for a weekend ? Tunisia is not that far away !

where are you ? you could meet for a weekend in London, staying in a hotel
separate rooms obiv !!!

and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away!

bollocks ! I don't think I have ever read such

If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

you wouldn't - wouldn't what ?!!!

Also curious

Lol.

Since you asked, he has not asked me for money and he kind of gives the impression that his dad is going to pay for it all and that he’s studying right now and wants to wait until he’s finished that in a few months to come here. he said he would prefer for me to go to him and he does not like the area that I live in which in my opinion has really good views and I like the place that I live. But he also says he knows that I don’t want to leave where I live and so he is willing to live with me and then he wants to take me back to where he lives in Tunisia together. He also would prefer that we married in Tunisia.
I am not a Muslim and that’s a whole other conversation in itself but he has already told me that he won’t make me become one. I’m not sure how it all works just now and it seems that neither does he.
No, I don’t want to do it. It’s just I think it would be hard for him to visit me regularly something to do with the Visa or something.

It's True Love, @JustCoralGoose . It's Meant To Be.
Marry your penpal.

He'll get his citizenship or visa then you won't see him for dust.

If you go to Tunisia and get married there, you'll be expected to live like a tunisian woman.

Dont be ridiculous.
My friend met a man at uni un england, he was also a student here but originally from India. They dated for a while and then he proposed as he needed a visa to stay here after his studies. She agreed, as soon as they married he completely changed towards her.

As soon as she filed for divorce and he knew he would have to leave the country he got another woman pregnant. Got his visa again and then left her and the baby too.

Dont do it.

Sorry but this has red flags all over it . Get rid asap and find someone who you can actually get to know in real life gradually before making any commitments. Plus do you actually want to covert to a religion for the sake of someone you have never met in real life ? I doubt his family would accept you not converting if they want you to get married straight away (which seems unlikely anyway as I reckon this is a scam)You sound like an enterprising young woman please don’t fall for this.

OP ... let's pretend for a minute this is genuine. So you move country where you cant work and cant speak the language? How do you think that will work out? Best case you get to grips with language quickly and can find some friends but work still an issue. Worst case you're trapped and have only him for company.
Relationships are really hard. Just take a look at the 1000s of threads about difficulties in relationships. And this one, again, assuming it is genuine, has got so so many things stacked against it.
So even if you think it's real ... get real about the prospects. Then layer on the possibility that it is a scam.
There's not a lot of positive here . I am sorry.

My Tunisian/British relationship worked out! So, it is possible.. But the cultural differences do mean it's not easy, so you would have to really like him. Absolutely do not marry him on the basis of these calls, never mind the guff about his religion. If he's so religious that this would be an issue, he wouldn't be marrying you anyway. I think there's always talk of 'marriage' as that's what happens at home and I think they think it's expected, if only to show they are being serious. Tunisian men can be fun and hard working. Yes, it's an Arab nation, but it's petty laid back and western. In fairness, there's not so many opportunities and leaving for another country with more chances is a good option. But that doesn't mean you have to be the pathway to any of that for him. And even if it did work out, I suspect the 'stay in Tunisia' line would soon change. You could go out for a week on holiday and see if you get on? That's actually perfectly acceptable. But only do that if you are fairly keen, otherwise it's easier to just walk away now. And you'd need to go out lots of times to be sure it's worth taking things even further. Even if you do like each other, bear in mind you'd be looking at the whole visa drama to get him into the UK too. You would have to like him a lot! Hard though not impossible... Just not sure it's worth it.

I have a friend who married a Pakistani chap. They have 5 children. He became abusive after they married.

He went back to Pakistan for a visit without her one time. She used the opportunity to get her ducks in a row and set a divorce in motion.

Next thing she knew, she was being love bombed by his family via social media.
Via FB, she found out that he'd taken a second much younger wife over there.

His family kept contacting her via social media and phone, saying that she couldn't divorce him, he'd never be allowed back in the UK...

Her eldest phoned his father and told him to eff off and leave them all alone. The divorce went through.

He wants a UK passport and your money. Stop it now. Don’t be so daft and naïve.

@JustCoralGoose "I am not a Muslim and that’s a whole other conversation in itself but he has already told me that he won’t make me become one."

This is a load of BS. Do you seriously think his family will let him marry an "infidel", because that is what you are to them?

When I was a student I saw loads of other students having affairs with Muslim men who were over here on student Visas and who promised them the earth. As soon as their courses were over they went back to Pakistan to be married to "nice" Muslim girls, leaving a trail of broken hearts behind them.

Block this chancer now.

He might not "make" you become one, but you'll be emotionally pushed into it. And if you have kids they'll be Muslim. I know of 3 different situations where a vulnerable woman has married a Muslim man from abroad. None of them are now together. In one situation there was domestic abuse, very messy divorce and custody battles. In another it was an older woman with a younger man (classic!) and he was obviously just using her.

I actually know of a 4th situation, of a distant relative who went to a Muslim country as an adventurous 20 something, and ended up marrying a local. She stayed there and they had a few kids, and they are still married. But I think that's very very rare.

Don’t be daft.

Does your Nigerian Prince need to borrow money for an urgent cash flow problem and will pay you back asap too?

Don't be so dumb you've never met him!

He wants to marry you straight away to get a visa to stay……please open your eyes OP! He is taking you for a ride!
Cut your losses now and find a nice partner in your own country.

Run for the hills. You’ve met him once, he loves in a country where women are very often treated like second class citizens, you don’t speak the language. The fact you haven’t told anyone about him speaks volumes. And a million other reasons why you shouldn’t go!

and now for your longer version...

I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women
and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes

so he just needs to keep on dating until he does meet the right girl

but he loves everything about me and my personality.

oh yes of course he does

He is about the same age as me (20’s)

very early 20's or late 20's ?

He doesn’t have a job

really !

but is supported by his father whilst he is studying

has he been studying since leaving school ?

does he have a degree and a masters then ?

and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .

that doesn't matter you don't actually need to know or understand

you just need to know how much he would actually earn in the UK or in Tunisia ?
i.e. is it a well paid job

I’m in the middle of starting a business

you will be required to earn x amount if you ever plan on him living in the UK as your husband

do you work ?

and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.

too much head space

I’m aware there are cultural differences

well yes there will be

and prob religious differences too

but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone

YES YOU WOULD BE

I’ve only met in person once

so you have actually met ?
where / when and how long ago and for how long ?

and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other

I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.

Do YOU ?!!!

I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia

YOU would be even more foolish to move there

how will YOU support yourself

YOU don't expect this non working man to help support you
do you

- another conversation in itself as what about healthcare,

what about it ?

I have a life here,

You need to make the most of it, you are only young once, so stay here

and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.

you are worrying about the little things

there are much bigger things to think about / worry

where would you live ?
in his family home ? with his mummy and his daddy - the daddy that is supporting his son ?!!! and would end up supporting you...

If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there

really !

have you looked into the implications / laws and taxes re running a business in Tunisia

but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.

HE can't afford that HE is not working !!!

I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.

well at least I have been on Holiday there !

I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.

really ?!!!

We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.

thousands of people are nice and kind
the majority of Mumsnet is !

But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet

I am not surprised !

because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.

( bit unkind for those on Mumsnet that do have mental health issues and those that have family members that have mental health issues )

He has introduced me to his family over video call

I could introduce you to my family over video call ! I could show you each of my cats and each of my dogs !!!

and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me

yeah his English penpal ?!!!

and he can translate the languages - they speak some English

lots of people speak some English

but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

WHY ?!!!

are you learning Tunisian ?!!!

Please be very careful op. I read a book about an English girl was seeing a guy from another country for years (Possibly Albanian).
They went on holiday together and he sold her into sex trafficking! Heartbreaking true story yet. I think the book was called 'trafficked'?
These things can and do happen

JFC. Really ?

I really hope these replies have opened up your eyes.

Do you have a partner?
Would you happily replace him with someone of the same skin colour because thats your "type"?
I agree with the rest of the posts that this sounds potentially risky, like any online relationship with anyone, regardless of skin colour or nationality. But acting like she can replace him with someone of the same skin colour as if thats all that makes a person is just ridiculous.

If this was posted 10 years ago then I could understand why the OP was being so nieve. To post it as a real situation that they really need help with nowadays would suggest that they have avoided television, radio and newspaper for the whole of their adult life and so have never heard of these very common romance scams. Hopefully this is just a person who wanted to get a reaction from the MN audience. But if not, god help her.

Please explain how love has developed it this long distance “relationship “?

If you have got a lot going on right now then why are you adding more to your plate with this stranger?

Tell him you want to remain just friends and leave it as that.

I personally would block him and find someone in RL but it sounds as though he’s got your wrapped around his little finger and knows you won’t do that.