Long distance relationship with a Tunisian man?

[JustCoralGoose]

In a nutshell I have been speaking to someone online from Tunisia for 4 years as great friends and recently he told me he wants to be with me and now he’s speaking about meeting me but he can’t stay for long on a holiday or visitor visa and because of his religious background he wants to marry me right away! If it weren’t for those things I wouldn’t.

Now for the longer version
I have asked him why he didn’t find a girlfriend where he lives and he did say he has dated quite a few women and I remember him mentioning he never met anyone that he really likes but he loves everything about me and my personality.
He is about the same age as me (20’s)
He doesn’t have a job but is supported by his father whilst he is studying and he hopes to get a job to do with something on the computer like coding and development although I don’t understand about things like that. I have seen some of his work and it’s too complicated for me to understand .
I’m in the middle of starting a business and have a lot going on in my life and to be honest this new relationship is taking a lot of my head space.
I’m aware there are cultural differences but I’m lying here thinking I would be off my head to marry someone I’ve only met in person once and we don’t know what it’s like to live with each other - I also don’t know if he understands the legal implications and that it would financially tie us together.
I can’t even say it is so he can obtain permission to come to this country as both him and his family want me to move to Tunisia - another conversation in itself as what about healthcare, I have a life here, and what about all my stuff like furniture because I would probably have to sell it all before I could leave.
If I (hypothetically) did my intention would be to start a business over there but I am aware that I would rely on him financially at first which I don’t want to do unless I had savings to live on.
I know nothing about the country and have never gone but from what I’ve seen it honestly doesn’t look like the kind of place I would want to live.
I have also only recently just head about the Tunisian love rat thing.
We have spoken over video call a lot and he is honestly so nice and such a kind man.
But I have not told anyone in person about the ‘relationship’ yet because I’m half worried they’ll think I need to go to a mental facility.
He has introduced me to his family over video call and they are aware he is in a ‘relationship’ with me and he can translate the languages - they speak some English but he’s hoping to teach us how to speak to each other.

You werent even interested til he said he wanted to marry you.. run

He wants a visa or your money or both

Are you prepared to learn Arabic OP, because that's what they speak in Tunisia?

hal 'ant mustaeidun litaelum allughat alearabiat ya sahib almanshuri, li'anaha allughat alati yatahadathun biha fi tunus?

People in these situations play the long game as they have nothing to loose whereas you do - they might have other wives and family who they are looking to support via you marrying them - be kind to yourself and take time to hear what others are saying here - I had a friend who stayed in Asia and was called every morning when they returned to the uk for over 5 years from someone she met one night whilst waiting for a taxi outside a 5 star hotel where they were staying ie obviously financially comfortable and a divorcee - I finally said you do know this is grooming and they are manipulating you into thinking they really care about you? She isn’t stupid but it finally sunk in attention from someone is maybe better than none at all - Tunisia stories are so common as people have said - be careful

Muppets gonna muppet

One of my friends (when in her late 50’s) met a Tunisian man somehow, was in a relationship with him, invested all her savings (not tens of thousands, much more) into his family’s hotel, you can guess the rest.
Now she faces her retirement renting, no savings, but thankfully she has her pension.

Hal anta musta'id li-ta'allum al-lugha al-arabiya ya @JustCoralGoose , li-annaha al-lugha allati yatakallamun biha fi Tunis?

هل أنت مستعد لتعلم اللغة العربية يا صديقي، لأنها اللغة التي يتحدثون بها في تونس؟

I am married to an Algerian immigrant so cross cultural relationships can work. We’ve been married over 25 years and I have not converted. I’ve visited Algeria multiple times during our marriage too.

However, there is a key difference, DH was a refugee living in the U.K. when we met so he already had the right to be here and didn’t need a visa. He qualified for citizenship before we got married. He didn’t need to marry me to remain or work in the UK. When Algeria became safer we were able to travel to visit.

Your scenario has more red flags than a Chinese Communist Party convention. He has everything to gain and nothing to lose. This isn’t about him being from a specific culture this is about him being from a country that is politically and economically less developed than the U.K. with very few rights to live and work in other countries. A British passport is a ticket out of that world, a ticket that could secure the financial future of his whole family. Unfortunately I think you are the means to and end.

Fools rush in where angels fear to tread...

Watch 90 Days Fiancé, it rarely works out and culturally you will be miles apart.

Girl, come on now. You can have a relationship with a man you can meet who doesn't need a visa. Sweet Jesus why do people fall for this crap. You deserve better. Run girl, run!!!!

PS you don't understand computer coding, he's not got a job, he's not doing anything clever. No no no no and no.

How should I know, when I'm not in the "relationship"? I'm going by what the OP said.

You’re looking for something that’s not there in my post, I’m suggesting that she doesn’t need to look abroad if she does have a preference. There’s many like him in the uk. Many people have a type, my white friends prefer Asians but they choose the ones born here to marry not the ones living abroad needing a visa.

he said he would prefer for me to go to him and he does not like the area that I live in which in my opinion has really good views and I like the place that I live. But he also says he knows that I don’t want to leave where I live and so he is willing to live with me

This is from the manipulator textbook. If he outright said or insisted that he wanted to come to the UK, you would be more likely to see through him and recognise he just wanted you for a visa. But making a big fuss about how he supposedly dislikes where you live and wants you to move to Tunisia but will grudgingly come to live in the UK because he loves you means he can proclaim that obviously he's not after a visa and you can talk yourself out of seeing this for what it is. Manipulation.

Quite aside from the fact that he clearly sees you as his relocation ticket, why would you even consider marrying someone who you didn't want to get into a relationship with in the first place? Why wasn't that an immediate "thanks, but no thanks" (both to the relationship and to the marriage proposal)?

If someone local proposed to you even though you weren't even interested in them, would you feel you had to accept to be polite?

Are you so isolated you're worried about losing the chat with this person leaving you with nobody? Or do you have friends in real life?

Run like the wind 💨💨💨💨💨

For your information I was in the same situation as the Op and that’s exactly what I did.

Do you want to marry someone who has completely different views than you on lots of things... Like women's rights, women's equality, right of gay people to live etc etc

You are hopelessly naive to not know what a common scam this is, OP.

How many red flags do you need? He'll have been working the long game on twenty other women like you the whole time you've known him, hoping one of them will be desperate enough to take the bait. Don't be the fool who does.

Cut ties with this lying creep immediately.

What a truly terrifying read.
Block him OP.
You are a mark, no more.
Please wake up and protect yourself.

I’m only on page 2 of the comments so forgive me for not having read through the rest - 😱
Please back away slowly, then run!!
🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️🏃🏼‍♀️

Please don’t tell me that you think you’re the only woman he’s speaking to in this way 🙈

Don't do it i've been there my marriage was hell lived in his country 10 month moved back to uk as did he were seperated but still controling have 2 boys they never left the country without me get on great with his family but there is a language barrier , if i knew what my life was going to be like i'd have not done it at all

So you have t actually met him 🤦‍♀️🤣 please this is wild he wants a visa.

Oh for God’s sake just block him

Run for the hills as fast as you can. This has con artist written all over it!

No, no, no. And no.

There's enough English men (cocklodgers) wanting to fleece everything out of you without you having to marry a foreign man just to be used for a visa.

What in the 90 day fiancé is going on op 😆